Just realised this about DH. is this normal?

[Cactustoy]

I've always looked very young for my age but as I'm approaching 50 I can see it's starting to catch up with me!

I'm 7 years younger than my DH.
I've noticed that he criticises women on the TV (never men) about their looks, weight etc..
Just last night ' who's that chunky old thing'
This morning ' God she's looking old' - said about suzanna reid, who BTW looks fantastic!

He's not someone who thinks before he speaks but I've realised lately that it's made me more aware and scared of the aging process. I'm even considering botox!
I put a new top on the other day and he said something like ' that's nice, it makes you look younger'.
Am I being too sensitive? Do other DHs do this? Do they just think it and not say it?

He sounds like a nasty man. The sort who excuses other men's affairs with younger woman because their wives are getting older.

I despise men like this. They believe the bullshit that "men age like fine wine" and women "spoil like milk".

He is misogynistic, rude and showing his true character.
I would seriously be deeply concerned about how he views you (and other women) and worried that it will only get worse as time goes on.

This type of talk would worry me enough to consider leaving

My DH never speaks (in my presence anyway) about women like that. I did meet a man at a conference a few weeks ago who spoke about women in that way and I thought he was a hideous misogynist. It made me dislike him instantly. That’s not normal, no.

Ask him when he last looked in the mirror?

He is a sexist, shallow bastard

Forget the botox for yourself and maybe suggest it for your husband, i bet he would be less than impressed. Seriously, why consider injecting yourself with god only knows what just to keep a man happy ? Doing such things makes you part of the problem.

Have you got daughters? My dad said things very similar. He'd regard himself as a left wing feminist which really makes me laugh now.

Basically though, it messed with my head as a teen / 20 something. I wish I'd never heard things like that coming out my dad's mouth and I wish my mum (who knew better) had pulled him up on it. She didn't, or didn't do enough.

Tell him it is not on and it's no business of his how women look - he should STFU.

My dad does this. I hate it and always pull him up on it. He never does the same for women. I really loathe it and wonder how my mum can live with it.
Have you only just noticed because you are now ageing? If so, I wonder what other examples of misogyny you might have missed until now. Keep your ears open. And don't stand for it in your own home. If you have daughters, this is what they are learning men think of their value.

Very true.
Yes, my husband does criticise other women, quite harsh.
Not myself.
He's 75, I'm 45. (What a surprise).
I do pull him out on that, but he'll do it again later.
🙄

I can’t in all honesty say my husband has never commented on a woman’s looks; we both said something about Nicole Kidman’s frozen face in The Perfect Couple.

However it’s only when as above they have had some ridiculous surgery done.
He tells me he looks lovely when I really don’t; and I tell him he should have gone to specsavers.

• never does the same of MEN

Not pull out, pull up...

Yeah no. That's just nasty.

We do comment on people (on the TV or films) either aging or looking younger in old footage - for example seeing a clip of Green Day in the 90s and remarking how young they were, or perhaps commenting that it's not right that Brad Pitt has grey hair now because surely he can't be much more than 30 now 😆 but this is very much intended as poking fun at our own aging (even though we are both obviously still in our mid twenties, despite having been married 20 years now!) and not even about the other people.

He sounds awful.
My DH would comment about a person if their appearance / demeanor had dramatically changed e.g. Madonna, Eamon Holmes (his recent photos in a wheelchair)

Has he always 'valued' outward appearance? Have you always invested time and money in how you look?

Just another stupid man then.

Turn it on him. Next time he puts something on say wow you look so much younger. He will hate it.

Or you could just remind him he's not an oil painting and we are all going to get old so don't be a shallow prick.

Or just feel sorry for him and remember that these comments come from a place of deep insecurity - they always say more about the person saying them- their fears and insecurities. Only you are in control over what goes into your head.

I assume he's a picture of physical perfection? If my husband ever says anything about a TV personalities appearance (just as likely to be male) I usually say "sadly we can't all be perfect like you".

Your husband sounds like he values women purely for their fuckability. Not nice, and yes be prepared to be make to feel bad for the enviable passage of time.

My dp never does this, if he did I would tell him to shut the fuck up.

This.

My dad occasionally says things like this, or used to when he was younger.

Have you started commenting on middle aged men on the telly? I would…

My DH doesn't do this. In fact, he'd tell you that most women are attractive. He also has no interest in younger women as he now values women with a bit of life experience. He can relate to them better.

I’m 10 years older than my husband and no he never makes comments like this.

I grew up with plenty of misogyny from my Dad though. He was sad for a friend of his whose young mistress left him, because it must have been difficult going back to his old wife…these are men well into their 70s, they don’t get that they’re old too. Nope, forever god’s gifts to women. Heaven forbid a woman ages though.

It is shocking that your response to this is to consider Botox not to think about what a nasty man he is. I would get counselling rather than Botox to explore why that was your reaction.

Honestly, I would potter around with a hand mirror and put it in front of his face every single time he said anything like this… Also, “There you go Keanu Reeves/Jason Momoa/Idris Elba…. Take a good hard look at yourself first.”

No, my DH doesn’t do this. The one exception is that he might comment about someone who had changed their face as a result of getting work done, in a ‘she’s had some stuff done hasn’t she’. Not judgey, more just not understanding why they would do it. I’ve explained the pressures women face compared to men.

He would never ever criticise someone on their looks.

My mum tends to be a bit like this (ooh look how old she’s got etc) - her dad was worse as he would say it to your face.

DH would get very upset if she does it in front of the kids, as do I. Start pulling him up on it. Is he doing it in front of children too??

Yes absolutely this!