DP wants a baby at 50, I don't.

[SherylAnn]

Backstory : I have three children already under 10, late 40s. New partner of 1 year (50) who I love. He has admitted he wants children of his own. I want to let him go but he wants me still. How can I make the relationship work without more children

I wouldn’t be turning my life, and the lives of my kids, upside down for a man I’ve been with 1 year.

I've been clear that I dont want more children

Surely the biological ship has sailed?

By being very clear with him that children are not on the agenda for you and it's non-negotiable, you will not be changing your mind. Let him know that you are happy to be in the relationship (assuming you are) but if he wants children then he needs to let you go and find a different partner. Ensure your contraception is as good as it can be.

Let him go

Is it even feasible for you to have babies apart from adoption and surrogacy?

You want different things - I’d be having a blunt conversation and separating if he can’t accept it.

Why would you even entertain this ridiculous notion and make the lives of your existing kids harder? Also concieving in your late 40s would be risky or impossible. Do you think you could deal with a SN child if your man runs off?

It’s not your responsibility to make it work.

No way would I be starting again at your age, just as you’ve reached the stage where you finally have your life back.

youve known him just one year, a relationship this young would not take priority.

It would be incredibly unusual for you to even be able to conceive at 50 - even if you wanted to!

Unfortunately, It’s likely that at some point he’ll leave you for a younger woman who can give him what he wants.

He’s not the right one for you and you could put a plaster on this situation and it a year it would break down anyway

it’s not your problem that he got to this stage in his life and didn’t prioritise having kids

Just seen your update as we cross posted. If he's not taking no for an answer then just end it. I assume if the relationship is only a year old and you have three small kids then you're not living together, so just call it a day. Tough shit if he wants to be with you still.

I don't want more children, but I want the relationship to work. I've said he needs to find someone else.

But he says no to finding someone else so he has to lump it. Personally I would break it off because he likely has one foot out the door already.
I bet he wont be a hands on dad at 50.

Yikes. He is kidding himself. You need to be crystal clear : there will be no kids, so he either gives up his dream or you break up and he tries as fast as possible to find someone coming up for age 40 who might have time to establish a relationship and still have some residual fertility. It’s still a long shot (brutally - is he a fit an attractive prospect as a dad to someone’s baby? Not all 50’yo men fill the brief.)

Tell him to give it a few years to try and find someone. Stay friends and if it doesn’t work out and he gives up on babies, and you are at that time unattached then maybe you two can get back together , baby free.

Your dp needs to talk it over with a counsellor. He doesn’t have his own kids and feels a loss. You’ve made the way clear ahead for him by letting him go but he still wants to stay with you. He sounds conflicted so it would be good for him to work it all through.

There are only a limited number of options here. Most of which are already mentioned.

How do you feel about him having a baby and coparenting with someone else, whilst being in a relationship with you?
Definitely not for everyone (including me) but it is an option.

Well he has two choices: stay with you and accept there will be no child or leave you and find someone who will have a child with him. That's it. The ball is in his court.

It is highly unlikely you will conceive naturally in your late 40's. Is he proposing to use a donar egg. He needs a reality check.

He's hoping naturally. I think that its not possible given medical factors

He’s got two choices, stay with you and accept that he won’t have biological children of his own or leave and find someone younger to have kids with.

There’s really no other answers.

You need to be firm and final telling him it’s not happening and it’s not a subject that can ever be bought up again and then stick to it.

Just make it clear you are not going to change your mind, you’re not going to be exploring donor eggs, you’re not going to to be looking at adoption, you’re not going to come round to the idea. It’s definitely not happening. How he deals with that information is up to him.

Think he needs to get real about your age - it's not likely in any case!

Your Late 40s? Well you won't be able to have another anyway realistically...

I think I'd be concerned about how totally delusional he seems to be.

That genuinely speaks of someone who struggles to face realities. You're both too old for children to be something you do someday and if he cannot see that then what else can't he see/face?

My concern is that he will resent you later on as he gets older and still wants a baby. He better go now and find another woman. If he isn't at least have some very frank conversations.