DP wants a baby at 50, I don't.

[SherylAnn]

Backstory : I have three children already under 10, late 40s. New partner of 1 year (50) who I love. He has admitted he wants children of his own. I want to let him go but he wants me still. How can I make the relationship work without more children

What bit of biology is he unfamiliar with?

Oh come on. You don’t need this at your age, he has no idea how hard it is and guess who would ens up holding the baby! YOU!

if he leaves he leaves.

Then it's his move isn't it ? I'd keep your living arrangments and finaces separate and wouldn't marry him, but apart from that crack on.

I wouldn't be leaving him in charge of contraception because whilst unlikely due to your age it is not impossible. I'd be buying condoms etc myself to ensure there is no tampering - although in that vein the trust isn't there and the relationship is over anyway

Absolutely keep your living arrangements and finances separate.

Suggest you explain to him that at 50 he's too old for a partner who can still reliably conceive and that ship has sailed for him too.

I want the relationship to work. I've said he needs to find someone else

You want the relationship to work but you want him to find someone else? I think he's going to keep hoping you'll change your mind (or be worn down) since you're so determined to make the relationship work.
You've only known him a year, once he finally realises you aren't changing your mind he'll likely leave. I'd be tempted to break it off before he does. Before you and your children build any more of a relationship with him.

You're late 40s... it won't happen I don't think! DP age makes a different too. My DH was 49 when we conceived our second and I was 37 and it still took absolutely ages.

You need to remind him time has already run out on that one.

I mean maybe, but how daft does he have to be? Does he know absolutely nothing about natural fertility?
If a child is a huge priority for him he will need to date younger but also accept that his own chances of fathering are reducing too.

Send him to do some research on the increased risks and defects in babies from fathers at his age. Men over 40 take approximately 2 years to conceive with their partner, he might want to have a quick look at female fertility in late 40s while he's at it.

He's a bit late isn't he? Or has he finally found someone he believes he can persuade to have a baby for him?
Either way, I'd cut this one loose. It's only been a year and, with all at stake, you don't want to be having a child FOR someone who, based on you having 3 young children, is still a pretty 'new' bf. Especially just to 'keep him'

That he doesn't have the sense to know what a stupid idea it would be is surely enough to tell you all you need to know 🤷‍♀️

He's not though is he? Plenty of 50yo men conceive with younger women.

Of he wants a child then OP isn't the right women for him but could easily conceive at 50nwith someone else.

The ship has not sailed for him at all if he's willing to give up this relationship

Late 40s? You'd have about 1% chance of conceiving naturally surely. But yes if you don't even want to try you need to be blunt with him.

He sounds a bit dim to be honest. If children are important to him why on earth wait until his 50s? And why pick a partner in their late 40s to suggest trying? Has he not heard of the menopause?

Realistically are women in their 30s going to fall over themselves to procreate with him? He's left it too late.

If he wants a child of his own, he should- being very honest- not have dated a woman in her late 40s.

From what you say, you've only been together for a year. And you're both middle aged.

So this is not the same as a long term relationship that's drifted for 10 years and he's had a eureka moment about wanting his own child.

If he REALLY wants a child he's going to have to look for a woman who's younger than her mid 40s, and ideally under 40.

He either needs to fully accept this child is not going to happen with you or you need to end it.

Good advice.

Does he actually understand biology? The possibility of actually conceiving in your late 40s and then, even if you do manage to, the associated risks.

And why has he left it until he's 50 to decide he wants a child?

If he leaves, will he be able to find someone young enough to have a child with? Is he a catch for a women in her mid 30's?

He sounds completely oblivious. Which is a solid reason not to have a child with him.

That's unfair.

Some men are very attractive at 50. AND there are lots of men that age who do become fathers. I know someone in RL who, after divorce, had another family in their 50s - 2 children and his wife was 15 years younger. They are very happy.

The fact that he’s a bit delusional about the biological reality here would lessen my feelings for him!

Does he not understand that in your late forties the chances are you can't have any more?

You say you want to ‘let him go’. Whats stopping you?

What are your thoughts on marriage?

Does he ask if can marry you or does he just ask if he can impregnate you?

Remind him that you will be going through menopause soon. If he finds that conversation distasteful then you will be better off without him.

100%!

Yep. A woman at work was early 40’s with a teen and pre teen, met a guy a few years older who was desperate for his own child. She unexpectedly fell pregnant and guess who was left holding the baby after he decided family life wasn’t for him after all?

Now at 50 she would have had more freedom as her sons are now young adults but she’s been left a single mum with a 6 year old while the bloke is in Tinder chasing younger women.