Still in shock - assaulted by my husband

[Bluecustardsweets]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for reading my post.

As my title says, I was physically assaulted by my husband of 5 years a few days ago and I’m still in total shock.

We have had a loving and respectful relationship. His mental health really started to suffer about a year ago.

I have a 10 year old DS with my abusive ex partner and my husband and I have a 18 month old DS together.

My husbands mental health deteriorated due to a number of factors- work, hardly any sleep with DS as baby and one of the biggest factors has been the ongoing stress having to communicate with abusive ex husband.

My 10 year old son has been told by my abusive ex not to talk to my husband.

He had been such a kind, thoughtful, gentle person until the assault. He was feeling particularly stressed and unhappy that day lashed out at me. He really hurt me, I have lots of bruises and he was arrested and can not come to the property.

not sure what else to say, I’m just so devastated.

So sorry to read this. Glad you and your children are safe. Are you planning to not allow your husband to return if he is released?

Thanks so much, I am not going to let him come back, I will never trust him again. What’s so heartbreaking is he was such a caring partner until this

I'm so sorry this happened to you but well done for doing the right thing and reporting it.

It doesn't matter how stressed he was or how caring he was before, remember this was always in him and always will be. You have absolutely done the right thing and don't waver on that. It must be a huge and horrible shock.

Thank you ladies.

i agree I had to report him, it was utterly disgusting.

what has hurt even more is my parents reaction. I’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past. When I reluctantly told them they didn’t say I’m so sorry like you have, my dad said, oh no even more of a mess now.

This happened to me too OP so I know how you're feeling. I'm so sorry. The shock and grief must be overwhelming. Do you have people around to support you?

I’m so sorry it happened to you too. You must understand. It’s totally the shock and grief. It feels worse than grief. I’m now involved with social services and ex husband who was abusive is suggesting I have mental health problems so I’m dealing with all that too

I have a few friends to meet up with from time to time but family are not supportive. They thought I was stupid to be with abusive ex

So greatful for the caring messages

I'm so sorry to hear your family aren't supportive. Keep leaning on whoever you can and keep posting here if it'll help. You're doing the right thing and you can get through this. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat

What a hurtful response from your dad, OP. 💐

As though you don't feel bad enough and then your dad says that. I'm so sorry this has happened. Love to you and your boy ❤️

He's shown his true colours. Weak, cowardly and vicious.

Everyone gets stressed sometimes but they take action to better the situation not let it fester and build up until they go berserk and hurt their partner.

From the sound of it, there wasn't one strike that he could have recoiled from in horror at having done so but but a series of blows resulting in much bruising.

Such a loss of control must have been a terrifying ordeal for you and I admire your for calling the police and removing this weak man from your home.

You will mourn the loss of how he was and the relationship that might have been if he had not done this but time will help you heal and move past this.

I am so sorry OP, that is sad that your family is unsupportive, we all need and deserve a shoulder in such a time. Sending hugs ❤️

Thanks so much @Cryingatthegym I feel emotional to see the kindness of strangers. Particularly those who have gone through something similarly terrible too. I really hope things are brightening up for you now too after your horrible situation. 🩷

@Fannyfiggs @Ihaveneedofwaternear Thanks ladies 💗 yes I found it bitterly hurtful. My relationship with my family has deteriorated but I thought when I said I couldn’t barely move off the sofa the injuries were that bad they would say I’m so sorry, what can we do to help. Instead they reluctantly came over out of duty. I still drove dad and my two sons to the hospital where I spent the day getting examined for the bruising and still in utter pain and shock

Wow @DeCaray what a thoughtful and true post, thank you 💗 I agree with all you say. I am feeling so many emotions, devastation, total loss, complete sadness and shock. I keep waking up thinking it must have been some crazy nightmare. This man I thought was calm and considerate, my protector turned into someone who yes didn’t just slap me on the face. I can’t even remember it all. I think my body and mind must have gone into shock. I really appreciate your post.

So true @liverpudcounsel . I really appreciate your lovely words. 💗

Would be keen to hear if anyone has gone through a similar situation eg with the ex abusive husband too. I am now frightened about what he will do next re social services .

I’m so sorry OP that you’ve had to go thru this, AGAIN, after everything you’d already endured with your previous partner. You must be shocked and devastated in equal measure, which is totally understandable.

You’ve absolutely done the right thing by reporting him and committing to move on from this relationship - if it can happen one time, you know it can happen any time in future. Keep yourself and your children safe - you all deserve so much better.

The whole thing is made even worse by the fact that your family isn’t supportive - I’ve been thru similar (the unhelpful remarks, the subtle blaming, or to have my own mum side with an abuser) so I understand how heartbreaking it feels, but I hope you continue to trust your instincts and believe in what you know is right (and wrong) and don’t allow anyone to pressure you into making the wrong decision, or trick you into blaming yourself.

You have support and you WILL be supported, and cared for and loved as you should be, if you look in the right places. Your husband isn’t the man for that job. Your parents don’t sound like the best people either unfortunately.

Stay strong OP, and make sure you keep reaching out for that support in the right places. Sending you love and strength. YOU WILL come out of this
happier, stronger and importantly, safer too.

Just to add, I haven’t been thru the ex-husband/social services thing in particular, but I can say please try not to worry about the social services aspect. You didn’t do wrong here. Your (ex)husband did. You did everything in your power to keep those children safe. You should not be punished for that.
Try not to worry OP. I’m sure others will be able to advise and reassure you better than I can.

Oh my goodness @Taluulaah thank you so much for those kind, wise and uplifting words. 💗

I think you’re right, this feels like such a terrible blow as I’d already endured so much pain (all forms of abuse from ex)

social services have said I did the right thing but I worry ex partner is now bringing up comments about my mental health (he did this before at one of many court appearances) also says I have extreme OCD and it effects child. It’s like I’m being re abused from him too. I hope social services won’t listen

just to say there is no history of mental health issues (just low mood due to abusive ex)

@Taluulaah I’m so sorry you have experienced similar from family too. It’s like they have just given up on me and think I enjoy getting into these terrible situations. I would never have expected this from current partner but there’s zero sympathy.

So sorry.
He beat you up. You did nothing to cause this.
Keep him away from you and dc. Ask ss to support you in this.