Still in shock - assaulted by my husband

[Bluecustardsweets]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for reading my post.

As my title says, I was physically assaulted by my husband of 5 years a few days ago and I’m still in total shock.

We have had a loving and respectful relationship. His mental health really started to suffer about a year ago.

I have a 10 year old DS with my abusive ex partner and my husband and I have a 18 month old DS together.

My husbands mental health deteriorated due to a number of factors- work, hardly any sleep with DS as baby and one of the biggest factors has been the ongoing stress having to communicate with abusive ex husband.

My 10 year old son has been told by my abusive ex not to talk to my husband.

He had been such a kind, thoughtful, gentle person until the assault. He was feeling particularly stressed and unhappy that day lashed out at me. He really hurt me, I have lots of bruises and he was arrested and can not come to the property.

not sure what else to say, I’m just so devastated.

So sorry @Bluecustardsweets

Just remember, he was stressed with work & lack of sleep, but he didn't assault his work mates, his boss, or his colleagues, did he? He was able to behave like a human being at work.

You are doing so well, OP. I know it might not fee like it, but you really are. xxxx

Thanks so much @YellowAsteroid you are right I think people out on a mask with friends, work colleagues etc.

I spoke to a counsellor yesterday and said I just couldn’t believe still that my gentle, kind partner could flip like that. It’s just so hard to marry up in my head. It doesn’t make sense.

I think we can all get cross, certainly say if we were protecting our children but that was something different.

im hoping they can help me process it. I know it wasn’t me but it was so frightening and out of character

Thank you @NonsuchCastle i feel like I’m just about coping most of the time.

however this week, boom i get a letter from the courts about another court hearing with my ex over something totally trivial but still upsetting and I feel in inner turmoil for a few seconds.

I really am dealing with a lot and without any partner now or family so I just have to keep going and take each day as it comes xx

so I just have to keep going and take each day as it comes xx

This is the time so many of us go through, and why so many women return. Put your head down, shoulder into the wind, one foot in front of the other. One day you will look up and see a beautiful future just within grasp, and the bulk of this horror behind you. This is why you need a sunflower instead of normal ones. They keep searching for the light so they can grow and flourish, just like you 🌻

Keep up with the counselling, and don't be afraid to change counsellor if you feel they are no longer helping (rather than stopping).

@AutumnFroglets Thank you what a beautiful message, I have the image of the sunflower in my head. Thank you for adding a little brightness to the day 🌻

You just go

'Ocd?' With a confused, wtf, expression. Then go 'let's circle back to that, I just have to go turn the light on and off 6 times, be right back' and laugh 'Only joking. Seriously though what an odd accusation. He seriously comes out with so much nonsense'.

Then they're endeared to you and inclined to see you have presense of mind and aren't losing the plot as he suggests.

He isn't qualified to say you have ocd and has no evidence. (Not that that's any reason to lose access anyway.

@Bigcat25 i completely agree, it’s just a way to be spiteful. I really hope they see through it x

@Pinkbonbon ha ha thank you. That’s the thing I don’t check the light switches twelve times 🙈

They'll see through it, don't worry.

Why are Sundays so hard? 💗 awake early and I think I just need to get myself going. Love to all x

It's so textbook for abusive men to accuse their victims of being mentally ill. Nobody will believe him don't worry.

Just checking in with you, @Bluecustardsweets (I love your username btw! Makes me a bit hungry 🤤) hope your Sunday wasn’t too bad, hope you found ways to get through, found reasons to look for positives and things to be grateful for.
i know that’s is probably very difficult right now, but… you’re a strong one to be coping with all of this, to have got this far; you can feel safer now hopefully and can look forward to a brighter future without the worries of an abusive partner looming; you have your DC and they have a mum who clearly loves them more than anything - there are still things to be grateful for, and many more I’m sure. Focus on the positives.

You’re doing so well, OP. I don’t even know you and I’m proud of you, for protecting yourself and your little ones, for being strong enough to do what you had to, even when it’s so hard. You’ve dragged yourself out of some rock-bottom places just recently, places you didn’t deserve to be, and you deserved a lot more support at that point too- however, sometimes it takes these trials (and triumphs) to show exactly what we are made of, and you are somethin else! You’re made of tough stuff. Don’t forget it.

Keep on keeping on, a day at a time, lovely. “This too shall pass,” right?! 💗 We’re all rooting for you 😊

It is so text book I agree with you @Cryingatthegym thank you for your reassuring words 🙏🏻🩷 I know he says things like this to attempt to scare me but I must stay strong x

Wow @Taluulaah thank you for such an inspirational post! 👏🏻🌸💓 you should be a coach! Truly lifted me when I felt quite low last night. Weekends are quieter for me and without the normal schedule in place I find my mind drifting. I did however drag myself out the door, went to two parks as for a change the weather was sunny 🙈 and briefly saw a friend. I am trying not to overload it as sometimes seeing people at the moment can make me feel worse. Particularly when they don’t know what’s just happened and I just pretend everything is normal. I’m so greatful for your words there. Xx

You’re doing great to be carrying on with life as normal; I understand how hard it is to face people after this kinda thing, to plaster the smile on and pretend like you’re not falling apart behind the scenes. Sometimes you just want to pull the duvet over your head and forget “real life” exists!

Do make sure you find ways to work thru these emotions, and get your feelings out in time. It’ll be a process of course, and no rush, but talk to trusted friends, or vent here online. Journal, or speak to a therapist/support worker from a dv/womens aid type program. As difficult as it can be to actually talk about what you’ve been thru, bottling it up and wearing the “everything’s fine” mask can be damaging too, in the long run.

thankyou for your kind words but I don’t think I’m saying anything you didn’t already know, deep down. I just want to make sure you recognise your strength, and also know that you’ve got people backing you should you have a wobble!!

I hope you and your DC are doing well - sending hugs your way x

I expect your Dad was sad about another child caught up in dramas with abusive men and you. 🤷‍♀️

Thank you @Taluulaah it has been so helpful to vent things on here. I think we all do the masking thing, especially when you’re a mum of little ones. I agree with all you say. It is comforting also just to know that people, even strangers care. That I’m worth that. That I didn’t deserve this. Thank you again and have a good day x

He might be @Boomer55 but he certainly didn’t convey that. It was more of the difficulties I was causing. Therefore as I said earlier, showing no care of empathy. This leads to me blaming myself or trying to defend myself. It takes just one sentence to help someone, like @Taluulaah has done and many others on here.

You’re doing amazingly!

Thank you @TealPoet im still having moments where it all just feels so hard but even reading these messages helps so much