Husband left for a week

[Bboo3]

My husband is possibly suffering from depression, he has just been given sertraline, they take up to 6 weeks to kick in fully.
In the mean time he has decided be needs a week break from me and our 3 children, so has moved in with a friend. He said he needs this week to miss me and to decide what he wants going forward. I asked him if there's another woman, and he said there is someone making him happy, but nothing has happened.
I feel like it's emotional abuse, sat here waiting a week to decide whether we are going to fight for our marriage or if he is going to walk away for good.
We have 3 children, 6, 4 and 2. I have told them he's away with work for this week.
I don't know how he can be so cruel. It's been 2 days so far and he's said he's enjoying his time away, he doesn't miss me as of yet, and he feels unsure about our future.
What am I supposed to do? Sit here for a week and let him decide? I am doing everything on my own whilst he is figuring his head out.
Should I just call it a day? We have been together 18 years!! I never thought this would happen. How can he be enjoying his time away when his children are here!
I'm upset, I feel sick, I don't sleep, I feel angry. I want him to come back and work on things like a grown up. But will I be a le to trust him now. Urgh!!!!!!!!!

Don't be so fucking stupid, backwards and pathetic. Even if you believe all this God's Institution for Life horse shite, he's the one who's walked away from their marriage vows so he can trial run his side piece. He's the one spitting in the face of the Sky Fairy, not her. This is absolutely not the OPs mess to fix. He should be the one grovelling and cooking her her favourite food. Stop encouraging women to do the pick me dance when they've been wronged by men.

Depression can be really selfish and uncaring! It doesn’t mean it’s over of this is the depression talking but he does need to know there is a line that if he crosses there is no going back

She’s not saying do the pick me up dance - she’s saying that marriage is worth trying for and after all of the OP’s husband has just started on anti depressants he might actually be ill and you don’t throw everything away for a few selfish moments

Sure except he’s told her he’s met someone else and has moved out. So I mean she can try but he might think it’s not worth saving.

I went on antidepressants and managed not to move out and abandon my family to trial run someone else "making me happy".

Cooking him his favourite food to try and coax him back is absolutely doing the fucking pickme dance, and encouraging it is pathetic. By all means she can try and make her marriage work, but prostrating herself as his good little servile wife is not in any universe the way to do it.

I would always advise anyone against making any big life decisions while they are depressed. Although, if somebody else is making him happy he does need to consider whether it is a general malaise or situational to your marriage. I think this is probably what the week away is for. To try and work out where the depression is coming from.

You don’t have to be passive in this. You can also spend a week deciding if you want a future with someone who has been having an affair.

TBH, the someone making him happy sounds like it’s a full blown affair to me. Men always come out with these cliches: “she makes me happy”, “she taught me how to smile again”. It’s enough to make you vomit.

Is this a joke?!

I would tell him that the week apart has been very good for you too, it has helped you to see things more clearly and you think, or rather know, that it would make you happy if he left.

Is he really staying with a friend or staying with the one that makes him happy?

Funny how men usually go and have some shitty break, while women generally manage even when anxious or depressed.
I'm currently on Citalopram for GAD, they don't give you a child's dose. Doing everything to help myself to get better. No kids, but a carer for my husband.
Fuck him off.
Someone else making him happy, is that some sort of a joke?
🤡😡

@Gidez Being biblical and all, I think that the OP's husband is breaking quite a few of the 10 commandments. Adultery and lying for a start and he doesn't seem to be about to repent any time soon. Perhaps she could pray to God to smite him rather than cooking his favourite meal.

@Gidez you remind me of someone. Do you live in France? If so I’ve often thought about you over the years and I hope you’re well.

Initiate a divorce today and move on with your life. Let him go with the ‘someone making him happy’.
What he said is completely vomit-inducing and he sounds like a complete and utter dramatic waste of space.
Tell him not to worry about waiting to miss you, because you’ve mad the decision for him. Get rid. Quickly!

Urgh, what a tool! I wouldn’t believe for a second he’s with a ‘friend’, he’s with whoever is ‘making him happy’. I’d be telling him he can bloody well stay with this ray of sunshine and his shit is bagged up on the doorstep and to collect it asap and divorce is pending. What a prick!

I’d be checking whether his passport was in its usual place and wondering if they’d pissed off away for a week together.

Don’t sell yourself short like this, raising small kids is hard but you don’t get to check out for a week and leave your partner not knowing what the hell is going on. How selfish and downright cruel.

Take the reins and start thinking about what you want to happen. Take control, don’t allow him to do this to you. Yes, ending it will probably hurt like hell but he doesn’t get to treat you like shit and humiliate you like this. Who does he think he is?

The 'friend' he's staying with doesn't happen to be the same person 'who's making him happy', is it?!! Having a trial run, to see if she's a better fit than you the children! I would completely ignore the selfish arse, and not reply to a single message or answer any calls from him. You need to think about your future, and if having a man who decides to swan off to 'find himself' for a week, is a man worth having. He's so depressed, yet managed to find someone else who is 'making him happy'! At worst he's having a full blown affair, but at the very least he's having an emotional affair. You and your children deserve much better than the scraps your husband is offering.

I hope so. Otherwise the Asylum door has clearly been left open!

Stick ‘a little time’ by Beautiful South on loud and get angry!
18 years of your life and three small children and he thinks this is ok!

It is unlikely this is an emotional affair. He is having an affair. He’s deciding between you and trying to make you do a pick me dance so he can enjoy feeling the ego kibbles of two women fighting over him as he is such a ‘prize’.

Call this absolute arseholes bluff and tell him he’s welcome to his happy, that you will be seeking legal advice and he’s not welcome back.

Then get a copy of ‘leave a cheater gain a life’ and see how utterly predictable his behaviour is.

YOU. DESERVE. BETTER

@gidez FUCK RIGHT OFF with your biblical shite. Cook him his best food???? Yeah, not happening.
Op, he has”someone making him happy” . Oh yes, I fucking BET he does. And now he’s taking a week (leaving you with all the family responsibilities) to decide what he wants? As much as this is a fascinating insight into the fact that he’s a selfish cunt, NOW is when you need to move. Do not play the “pick me” game. Double down and say you respect his decision and you agree it’s best if you separate as actually, you’d like someone to make you happy too. Say nothing further. Make plans for you and the DC and grey rock that mother fucker. This isn’t unsalvageable yet - but unless he pulls his head out of his arse, it soon will be. Take a stand and bloody mean it.

Every time!

Many years ago my husband “ needed”
a break.AWOL over Father’s Day which my 11 year old struggled with big time.Told me after he was away playing golf.
i cut him a terrific amount of slack and listened to his feeling of depression etc.for months.He told me he couldn’t see the GP as he would lose his job if they knew he was on medication.
I couldn’t have done any more.
Later found out he was having an affair and I was devastated as how manipulative he had been to achieve his own ends.
You need to do what is right for you and your children .

My advice - just stop listening to all those 'easy' knee-jerk suggestions. Calling him 'a weak bastard' ignores the fact that he may well be suffering from depression. So, if you love him, give him some slack and space to sort out his feelings. We all need space at times in our life.

However, don't play the weak dependent victim: pleading and messaging will not resolve the problem. Tell him you're managing fine, and that you also need some space to think about the marriage.

Also - and this may be difficult - reflect of why he might feel unsure about your relationship.

Good luck!

If he isn't sure about you then you shouldn't be with him.

So sorry OP. No advice on what you should do going forward but if I was you I would use the time with him out of the house to get your ducks in a row if you do decide to end things. Find any relevant and important paperwork, pay slips, bank statements, proof of earnings, his pension… Make copies and put them somewhere safe. Doesn’t mean you have to use it, but will put you in a stronger position should you need it. I would also set up my own bank account to squirrel away any spare cash. Maybe talk to citizens advice. Look at what your job options etc are. Again you may not have to use it but it means you’re not on the back foot anymore.

This may seem very cold, but it is the things you can control.

It's not depression, that doesn't turn you into an arse. Please don't do the pick me dance. He needs to stay gone, what he's doing to you is beyond cruel. He's definitely following the script. It might not seem like it now, but you will get through this and it will be ok.