Husband left for a week

[Bboo3]

My husband is possibly suffering from depression, he has just been given sertraline, they take up to 6 weeks to kick in fully.
In the mean time he has decided be needs a week break from me and our 3 children, so has moved in with a friend. He said he needs this week to miss me and to decide what he wants going forward. I asked him if there's another woman, and he said there is someone making him happy, but nothing has happened.
I feel like it's emotional abuse, sat here waiting a week to decide whether we are going to fight for our marriage or if he is going to walk away for good.
We have 3 children, 6, 4 and 2. I have told them he's away with work for this week.
I don't know how he can be so cruel. It's been 2 days so far and he's said he's enjoying his time away, he doesn't miss me as of yet, and he feels unsure about our future.
What am I supposed to do? Sit here for a week and let him decide? I am doing everything on my own whilst he is figuring his head out.
Should I just call it a day? We have been together 18 years!! I never thought this would happen. How can he be enjoying his time away when his children are here!
I'm upset, I feel sick, I don't sleep, I feel angry. I want him to come back and work on things like a grown up. But will I be a le to trust him now. Urgh!!!!!!!!!

It's going ok, for me, I guess. He's still in his mums summerhouse house, the rented house is soon to be sold and they l have to be out by end of January!
Im doing ao much better, yes I feel lonely sometimes, but I don't miss him at all.
He sees the kids every Friday tea and every other Saturday for half the day!
He has no plan moving forward and doesn't seem to think its important to find a place the kids can stay with him. He's a waste of space and an inconsiderate man. In fact he's sposed to be picking them up at 10am (less than 9 hours time) and I've just seen a video of him very drunk dancing in a pub. Soooo not sure what to do there, if he turns up drunk or hungover. ? What do I do?

Wouldn't hold my breath on him showing up.

Also wouldn't let him drive them anywhere when he might still be drunk.

I'd be inclined to take the kids and go out.

He should be here between 10 and 10.30 he said yesterday. If he's not here at 10.45 I'll be going out. I do have plans today but I'll cancel if I keep the children obviously. 🙃

What happened today, OP? He sounds completely useless.

So he picked them up at 10.40, with sunglasses on (it wasn't sunny) so I asked him if he was OK to drive and he had a go at me for being on his case.
He was sposed to have them till 4.30. He didn't take a pushchair or dummy for the 2 year old, so at 2.30pm rang me to come and get them. He's soooo selfish. Never puts the kids first. And he's out again tonight!
my eldest (6) came home and asked why daddy doesnt want to be at home, i said you need to ask him that question. She said she did but he doesn't answer. Not sure what to say to that.
She then said she wants a normal daddy that wants to be at home with us all the time. I said your daddy? She said no a new one 😆

God, he's awful, isn't he? I think his involvement with them will grow less and less. Whenever he threatens you with 50:50 take absolutely no notice at all and don't rise to the bait. Make sure you put in a claim for CB and see if you're entitled to any help with bills.

I would just say to her “mummy and daddy might not live together anymore but Daddy still loves you” at 6 you don’t need to go any deeper

I absolutely wouldn't add 'daddy still loves you'.

Don't start her off at a young age equating men who don't give a shit/treat her badly as - 'loving her'.

Dont cover for men's bad behaviour.

People who love us, treat us with respect.

'Daddy and mummy don't make eachother happy anymore so we decided to live apart'. That's all.

If and when necessary:
'I'm sorry he behaved that way. If you need to talk I'm here. It's OK to feel sad' etc...

Validate feelings. Don't cover for his bad behaviour though.

As above.i bet his hangover was starting to bite by 2.30 what a useless article.

It’s hard to live like your still in your twenties when your not. I wouldn’t bother with the whole daddy still loves you because it sets them up for years of conflicting emotions when they don’t turn up as arranged.

Some people are just pathetic.

Hes been with this woman that he cheated on me with for 3 months. He told me the other day that in his head it is serious and the kids will have to meet her one day. I said when you've been with her a year, then we'll discuss it. Why does she need to meet them after 3 months? He doesn't live with her. Why can't he keep HER separate from the children. I am NEVER going to like her. She slept with my husband! She knew he was married with 3 children. My children are 7, 4 and 2. They DO NOT need that woman in their lives.

He could be trying to wangle moving in with her rather than his parents shed.
If she's any brain's she'll give it a miss because she'll end providing child care eow.

@Bboo3

Completely agree. Where is the necessity to bring the kids into all of this ? I'll never understand why people do this.

Sadly you can’t stop him doing this

He needs another human appliance to do everything you used to, sounds like he's finding childcare too hard so needs another woman to step in.

Yes I can. In our divorce paperwork it states that both parents must agree to new partners meeting children.

What happens if he doesn't stick to the agreement OP? How is it enforced?

That can’t be enforced @Bboo3 not in the UK it can’t, plus you’re not divorced yet and again it can’t be enforced

It's a signed agreement that our solicitors created. If it doesnt get stuck to we will move to mediation. And I will fight to say the children are too young and the relationship is too new.
Im not arguing about the legal side of it. I just wanted opinions on whether 3 months is a suitable time together to introduce a new partner?

No it isn’t a suitable time at 3 months. Regardless of who.

but solicitors can write anything they get paid after all and you need to verify if it’s actually legal yourself for the sake of the kids.

For me, 3 months is too soon to introduce new partners to kids (out of interest, are you sure it hadn't been going on for longer?).

But, unfortunately, as others have said, it's down to him who he introduces and when - unless you go to court and have a specific court order. Something your solicitors have randomly added won't hold any sway.

Absolutely 3 months is to soon i agree 1 year minimum, is it because he is a feckless father as well as a feckless husband and can't cope with his own children? I agree with you i wouldn'twant my children around a woman with such low/question morals - stick to your guns don't let him bully you - what an idiot he is

The timescale isn’t legally enforceable, he’s an equal parent legally so there’s nothing you can really do but I do agree that 3 months is too soon

@Bboo3 how are things going now?

Hey OP.. just wondering how you are going? You were pretty good sorting out your life post the sad loser hubby moving out. How's your life now? How are your little ones?