Husband left for a week

[Bboo3]

My husband is possibly suffering from depression, he has just been given sertraline, they take up to 6 weeks to kick in fully.
In the mean time he has decided be needs a week break from me and our 3 children, so has moved in with a friend. He said he needs this week to miss me and to decide what he wants going forward. I asked him if there's another woman, and he said there is someone making him happy, but nothing has happened.
I feel like it's emotional abuse, sat here waiting a week to decide whether we are going to fight for our marriage or if he is going to walk away for good.
We have 3 children, 6, 4 and 2. I have told them he's away with work for this week.
I don't know how he can be so cruel. It's been 2 days so far and he's said he's enjoying his time away, he doesn't miss me as of yet, and he feels unsure about our future.
What am I supposed to do? Sit here for a week and let him decide? I am doing everything on my own whilst he is figuring his head out.
Should I just call it a day? We have been together 18 years!! I never thought this would happen. How can he be enjoying his time away when his children are here!
I'm upset, I feel sick, I don't sleep, I feel angry. I want him to come back and work on things like a grown up. But will I be a le to trust him now. Urgh!!!!!!!!!

Please go and get some legal advice about the split and the house OP. As the main care giver can you argue to stay in the house until kids are 18. I think it is a court order called a mesher order which will protect the sale of the house until your youngest child is 18.

One thing to note is that if your ex remains as a joint owner, your house forms part of his assets so if he or a future wife accumulated debts, your house would still be at risk.

He really shouldn’t have you hanging on for him to choose between you and this person who ‘makes him happy’ whatever that means. Try and ignore the depression part as I believe that is an excuse in this situation, have you heard of the Script?

Find your respect ! He isn't the boss. If i were you he would never be coming back. I would be starting divorce proceedings tomorrow. How can you sit there "waiting" whilst he is with someone else. Take control of your life.

Don't do the "pick me dance". You and your children are worth more than that.

What should you do? Ignore him. Completely. He's going to be wanting to see you beg and plead so don't give him that satisfaction; you are not a puppet on his strings. Instead, get yourself some legal advice first thing Monday morning so you know where you stand. Remember: it is not entirely up to you whether you split, the choice may well be taken away from you. Don't be the one who is scrambling around trying to sort things if that happens, be prepared.

Depressed my arse!! he's managed to find himself a girlfriend!!
Tell him not to bother coming back, utter cunt of a man.

Thing is you might not have any choice about staying as he might leave you. Which he sort of has already even if he says it’s temporary. Yes you will need to share time with the kids and yes you will miss them but so many parents do this and you will get used to it. See a solicitor about finances and think about getting back to work so that you can support your children.

This ^ is exactly what I would say.

His depression is spawned from probably weeks of trying to make a decision to leave you and the kids. His head has been turned! “Nothing happened?” Well it has now cos his mate is never gonna tell you whether he’s sleeping elsewhere. Stop being naive.

So he’s finally cleared off. Now it’s time for you to turn the table and wrest some control out of this.
Don’t be a lemon.

He's actually admitted that there's someone else he's "interested in?" That's outrageous! Are you actually married? I can't imagine what makes him think he has the option to check out if he'd actually prefer to be with this other person, which is clearly what he doing this week!
Of course you are beyond upset, but you can't let him treat you with this amount of disrespect. Who knows if you will work it out in the future, but for now, I think I'd not be in contact this week. At the end of the week, just before he's due back, tell him you'll let him know when you've decided whether or not you want him back.
Meanwhile sort out your financial situation, get legal advice, check benefit entitlements, along with CMS , and work out how you can stay afloat over the next few weeks.
Look at how you can earn some money -whatever happen to your marriage, you need to be working so that you have some independence.
But don't let him walk back straightaway, he'll never have any respect for you if do that.

Tell
Him not to come back

Anyway, back in the real world…

"He said there is someone making him happy, but nothing has happened." This is code for I'm having an affair. He has already checked out of the relationship and is seeking attention, affection, validation from someone else. He's investing his time and energy elsewhere.

Personally, I think you need to end the relationship. As much as you love him he doesn't love or respect you and he isn't loyal. I certainly wouldn't let him have all the power or do the pick me dance. Fuck that.

If he's depressed he needs to see a GP not a mistress. Being depressed doesn't make you a cheating wanker.

Family life is hard sometimes. Of course he isn't missing it after 2 days. He's currently living the single life while you are heartbroken and doing all the hard work. I don't imagine he'll miss you untill you tell him you want a divorce and he realises that it will impact him financially. Then he'll cry, claim depression and beg forgiveness. Having probably already sticking his dick elsewhere and claiming the depression made him do it.

I don't imagine he'll want 50:50. He'll be too busy with the mistress to actually be a parent.

I always think of this song when I read the (many) threads on here like this

Hello? Is that the 1950s calling?

It's not depression. You can't have it at home then go and be fine elsewhere.

He obviously isn't enjoying being an adult who is responsible for 3 little ones and you .
He sounds very immature selfish and cruel.
Also like he is already having an affair but just testing the water. And probably seeing how far he can push things with you and get away with it .
Obviously also part of him doesn't want to be known as the man who left his 3 young children to go off with someone else.
So the depression card comes in handy to rid himself of guilt or responsibility for his actions.
Research your options. Universal credit for instance . Obviously the hard path would be to spilt up and lots will change but they would settle eventually and can you really see him wanting 50/50? Doesn't sound like he would cope or be inclined .

@DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole completely agree. Such a wise song.

In OP’s place I would be taking a little time to pack up more of her husband’s stuff and contact him on day 6 to ask him what time he’ll be round to collect it the following day. As scary as the prospect is ahead of time, it’s scarier still trying to rebuild when he’s still half way out the door to the other woman.

What an absolute crock of shite.

Come on OP, find your anger!

Tell him how sick you feel and how cruel he is being. If he's not back and ready to talk about how to make amends in 24 hours then he'd better not think about coming back.

Have dealt with an arse myself and was always far too lenient. Furious for you.

WTAF????

@gidez really?! What about respect? That's more important in a marriage than anything else. He's not showing OP respect. Nor are you.

And yes, @DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole, I was about to post a link to that.

OP, I'd break all contact with him until the week is over. Apart, obviously, from him having contact with the children. Don't let him emotionally abuse you like this.

Give yourself time to think about what you want. I suspect it isn't a husband who runs away when things aren't going well for him. I suspect it isn't a man who tells you he has feelings for someone else.

I wouldn't wait. It would be over for me, personally.

18 years and he checks in a couple of days in to tell you he’s not missing you yet. What an arse.

Make the most of this week to get your ducks in a row, as they say. Plenty of threads about that on here. See a solicitor. Photocopy key documents, find bank statements etc. Maybe start thinking about what kind of job you could get.

That way whatever you decide/he decides you won’t be so much on the back foot.

Maybe you need to have this conversation with her husband?

Otherwise, please go away

Do you have your own savings account? Could you get back into work asap? Do you have family or friends who can support you? What are the plans if he stops sharing his money with you ?