Where do all the single, nice 45+ men go?

[OnthetracktoLondon]

Hello,

OLD just is not working for me. I’m a 52 year old female, not bad for my age, in a professional job, like the outdoors, love to travel, love long weekends in London…

I just don’t like anyone on OLD. It’d not the right platform for me and it feels like an Argos catalogue.

I am feeling down about it all.

Left a long, sexless marriage, about 4 years ago now simply because there was no affection/attraction there and a ten year age gap (that didn’t help).

Where am I going wrong?

Exactly! They don't actually sound like catches at all, just shallow, vacuous, emotionally unintelligent creeps. Sad that some women, of any age, would have such low standards.

I had the shock of my life when I tried dating apps aged 35 after my 12 year marriage ended.

I would only date my age and above but I couldn't believe how many men aged 40+ seemed to want to be forever behaving like Peter Pan, had strong opinions on dating women with children, seem to have limited conversational ability, yet all are quick to share how dire internet dating has been for THEM, every woman they speak to either has no sense of humour or are "crazy".

Awful experience

Does that not apply to women then?
The decent ones will be either.
Playing the field (Decent looking)
Snapped up immediately.

Women are much more choosier with who they swipe/match with on OLD.

It's only the top tier men (in looks/wealth/status) who have a lot of options.

There's none because they're all still married!

OLD is hideous once over 40. I used it a bit in my 30’s but obviously didn’t meet ‘the one’, I did make a few friends. I’m now in my 40’s, went on the apps briefly but found all the men in their 40’s/50’s were not my type at all. I gave up a few years ago and just started trying to make my social circle bigger. I have lots of friends but still not in a serious relationship. I think it’s really hard to find what we want as we get older, my standards are much higher, mainly because I am used to being on my own…..which is sometimes so much better than being in a relationship.

Average women can get hundreds of matches, only the top tier men realistically can.

If any of you are on the 'are we dating the same man' Facebook page- you discover vast numbers of women it seems have an incredibly low bar. I'm 62 and never mind the fact they wouldn't be interested in me- I've not seen a single guy posted I would have dated-

Low bar in what way? Could you give an example?

Not doubting you, just curious what it is you're seeing.

Unattractive men and women are equally unpopular. I never heard of plump, shy and plain 50 year old mums being massively choosy and picky/ having lots of options.

But I know of female friends "giving a chance" and going on dates with guys they sort of like but dont find physically attractive, hoping for connection - dont think men ever do that.

I agree,

The average looking men complain about women not wanting them yet, the women they want are out of their leagues.

The good men, who want relationships go quick though as they dont date around and tend to stick to the first decent woman they meet.

Yet you ask about men 45+. So you presume you won't seem like an old woman at a different stage of life to them as a 45 year old man?

I agree with you @safetyfreak ... I know plenty of women who have scaled down their expectations (both physically and personality wise) in terms of what they're looking for in a man because they were willing to see where it would go... or they thought he seemed "nice".

I don't believe men would do the same.

In fact, I can speak from personal experience; in 3 years I've gone from being a size 18 to a size 8... I am still the same person, I believe that I looked beautiful (and probably more youthful!) when I was bigger... but the difference in my online dating "likes" has changed dramatically.

My brother got divorced and found himself single in his late forties. He didn't fancy online dating at all so didn't do it. He did some evening classes (not to meet women) just to try and kick start his life. He ended up meeting someone a year older than him and they now live together. Been over 10 years together now. I guess she would be considered attractive for her age and very petite and slim.

She made the first move although it was a messy situation as she was still married at the time but on the brink of getting divorced (is divorced now).
She was quite forward about persuing my brother who was dead chuffed at the interest after being married for a long time

My brother wanted to marry her and has offered several times but she isn't fussed.

Just wanted to post a 'happy' story although whether my brother counts as a decent man or not I guess is subjective.

Average looking, 5ft 10, good job, lots hobbies, 2 kids, lots friends now but a dysfunctional upbringing and his ex wife always said he showed her no affection which I believe would be quite truthful.

I've also just remembered he did have his head turned while he was married by a woman about 15 years younger than him although he didn't do anything with her he was treading on thin ice at one point. Spent alot of time talking/texting her but it never turned into an actual affair.

Moral of the story - some men do in their late forties join up with woman the same age/older. Not on OLD though.

This is really good advice.

Also, political parties and spectator sports tend to have a higher male to female ratio. Many won't be single, but at least you're in the right circles. Local Labour/Tory party event or local rugby/cricket club will have prospects

Just noticed that our local Colege is starting a Pottery Class for beginners. It might be good, especially if you want a man who is good with his hands

I'm 50 and very new to OLD, only signed up out of boredom but somehow managed to hook up with one of the hottest guys I have ever laid eyes on within a week 😂. I'm not looking for a serious relationship though so I realise my experience is probably not the norm!

We had a fantastic night together. It was only ever going to be a one night thing for various logistical reasons (we are both single btw before anyone jumps to conclusions) and we were both very clear and upfront about our personal situations and expectations in advance. We had insane sexual chemistry just through texting but I never expected to fancy him as much as I did when I met him, it was absolutely electric!!! ! Having come out of a 15-year relationship where the sex had died years ago (with none at all for the last 2 years) I just desperately wanted to feel physically alive again. Oh my god I got my wish come true and have never had so many orgasms (TMI sorry not sorry 😂). It was just amazing to feel so wanted physically and I was totally uninhibited knowing I would likely never see him again. It has boosted my confidence and self esteem so much, although I do realise would not be for everyone.

Anyway, I'm now chatting with a few guys who seem very pleasant and interesting so far. I am picky though and don't match with many. I have to find them physically attractive from their photos and not spot any of my many red flags in their bios. I also specified younger men only (age 35-45) as unfortunately the guys my age and older just don't do it for me, and I was getting a lot of interest from 60+ year olds which was turning me off completely and making me want to delete everything and run away!

The men I am messaging now have (so far) been extremely polite - only one turned to sex talk very quickly and was swiftly blocked. I'm just keeping it all really light hearted and fun though and treating it as a bit of a hobby. I can see how it could quickly get very tiresome if looking for a serious relationship.

Women if they don't like the look of their prospects are typically much more apt to choose to remain single and build a life for themselves without a man. While men are more likely to feel entitled to a woman for sex and to look after them.

I agree...

Female cant find a partner - accepting, humble, maybe sad, oh well, maybe I'm not good enough, gets on with life
Male cant find a partner - (and not any partner, usually an attractive younger partner) - women are horrid, I have been cheated out of my right, I'm a nice guy, poor me

I don't have a problem with your age preference. But then I don't have a problem with men saying they don't find older women attractive and are open about looking fur women significantly younger.

On MN however, you will probably be celebrated but any talk of men taking your approach will be vilified

Exactly this - they think the very beautiful women 20 or even 30 years their junior should go on a date with them and get salty when this obviously doesn’t happen - and because they think we’re all the same person any interaction (or lack of) with women applies to all of us. It’s dire 😂

It means "not all men are like that."
For the record, women know it's not all men. That's why it's irritating when somebody scolds us with a NAMALT post.
The problem is that it's a hell of a lot of men.

It's interesting that you think fancying someone is completely about looks, not character or personality. This is a legitimate grievance women have- that most men are shallow, superficial and treat us as objects.

Nobody says there is not a single decent available male. It's just that the ratio of decent women to decent men is extremely unbalanced. This is why you see women who have a lot going for them dating losers. They settle for less than they deserve because they can't find a man at their own level.