Page 13 | Where do all the single, nice 45+ men go?

OnthetracktoLondon · 2024-09-07T15:47:38+00:00

Hello, OLD just is not working for me. I’m a 52 year old female, not bad for my age, in a professional job, like the outdoors, love to travel, love long weekends in London… I just don’t like anyone on OLD. It’d not the right platform for me and it feels like an Argos catalogue. I am feeling down about it all. Left a long, sexless marriage, about 4 years ago now simply because there was no affection/attraction there and a ten year age gap (that didn’t help). Where am I going wrong?

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 14/09/2024 07:09

batt3nb3rg · 13/09/2024 09:50

It is true about single women. People might not want to accept it, but it is true. Unless you’re widowed, or have devoted your life to caring for an ill/disabled relative or an all-consuming career like live-in nannying, most people who are single into their fourties and fifties are single because there is something up with them, or they’ve had a relationship fail because there’s something up with them.

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Nothing wrong with me, I'm happy being single. I'd rather be single then in a shit relationship which my marriage was. I'm not dating currently (although I was a couple of years ago)because I'm concentrating on me and enjoying life and building a career, something I wasn't allowed to do when I was married. I like my peaceful life but if someone comes along who compliments it then I won't say no. For now though I'm enjoying life.

So don't tell me there's something wrong with me because I'm over 40 and single.

blahblahblah24 · 14/09/2024 07:36

Hypothyroidism is something I've had in my 30s. It's just something you take medication for. I wouldn't even register it as a health issue tbh. The only people I've seen with t2 diabetes are older/overweight but I wouldn't think it's something you'd bother mentioning at first anyway!

Gwenhwyfar · 14/09/2024 11:56

Slackbladder22 · 12/09/2024 14:21

I’ve been using OLD on and off for the past two years, I’m 44. My wife died four years ago, we were happily married and would probably have been together forever. I dated someone I knew for a while but wasn’t ready for commitment at that time so we stopped seeing each other .

Then after some much needed time alone I dipped my toe in the OLD pool. For context I have a now seven year old daughter and fortunately a great family to help with childcare. I didn’t really have any expectations to be honest which was probably a good thing!

In the last 18 months I’ve dated women who talked about covid conspiracy theories on the first date, women whose profile pics were at least 10 years out of date (didn’t even recognise them when they turned up) others who I think may have felt a bit sorry for me and tried but realised me having a kid made it too hard (no hard feelings there), others I just didn’t fancy. I did have one longish relationship but it turned out she was off sick from work, in huge amounts of debt, was having counselling and was peri menopausal (extremely grumpy). The sec was amazing though 🤣

There appears to be a huge amount of women out there on long term medication for health conditions or with other issues.

Im in a decent professional job, own my own house, probably averagely good looking (maybe🤣). It’s not that easy for blokes either!

Despite all that I’ve actually enjoyed OLD and will go back if my current dating partner doesn’t work out (I met her through friends)

I hope you realise most women your age will be perimenopausal soon if they're not already.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/09/2024 12:03

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 14/09/2024 07:09

Nothing wrong with me, I'm happy being single. I'd rather be single then in a shit relationship which my marriage was. I'm not dating currently (although I was a couple of years ago)because I'm concentrating on me and enjoying life and building a career, something I wasn't allowed to do when I was married. I like my peaceful life but if someone comes along who compliments it then I won't say no. For now though I'm enjoying life.

So don't tell me there's something wrong with me because I'm over 40 and single.

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Well, she did say you wouldn't want to accept it!

Lucy25 · 14/09/2024 15:56

Gwenhwyfar · 14/09/2024 12:03

Well, she did say you wouldn't want to accept it!

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All your comments are just spiteful.You’re either, a man, or a elderly woman, who hasn’t got a clue what it’s like, for women today, who are actually in their 40’s & 50’s

batt3nb3rg · 14/09/2024 21:37

Teanbiscuits33 · 13/09/2024 15:02

People can have relationships fail because there was something wrong with their partner and they have good boundaries. Maybe they’re not in a relationship because they don’t want to be after their last relationship they’re not in any rush for another because they don’t place their worth on having a partner, and will only be in relationships when the person enhances their life.

On the flip side, I know people in long term relationships who aren’t suited to each other but don’t want to start over because of a people with attitudes like yours they think they won’t find someone, and I know plenty as i said upthread who, despite being walking red flags, never have any trouble finding new relationships.

No wonder more people are single than ever before and there’s a population decline with blanket attitudes like this.

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I don't really see how this attitude is contributing to population decline, that seems like a bit of a crazy claim? If people are unable to find love in their forties due to it being socially stigmatised to be single into middle age, society is hardly missing out on the swathes of babies they would have had. It would surely be the opposite, if anything, as if it's looked down upon to be searching for a relationship in their middle age, then people might adjust their priorities in their twenties and late thirties, which would result in more babies being born, and less money being spent by the NHS on fertility investigations.

batt3nb3rg · 14/09/2024 21:40

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 14/09/2024 07:09

Nothing wrong with me, I'm happy being single. I'd rather be single then in a shit relationship which my marriage was. I'm not dating currently (although I was a couple of years ago)because I'm concentrating on me and enjoying life and building a career, something I wasn't allowed to do when I was married. I like my peaceful life but if someone comes along who compliments it then I won't say no. For now though I'm enjoying life.

So don't tell me there's something wrong with me because I'm over 40 and single.

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I said, "most people". If that doesn't apply to you, I don't see why you would take it to heart and be offended.

Teanbiscuits33 · 14/09/2024 21:51

batt3nb3rg · 14/09/2024 21:37

I don't really see how this attitude is contributing to population decline, that seems like a bit of a crazy claim? If people are unable to find love in their forties due to it being socially stigmatised to be single into middle age, society is hardly missing out on the swathes of babies they would have had. It would surely be the opposite, if anything, as if it's looked down upon to be searching for a relationship in their middle age, then people might adjust their priorities in their twenties and late thirties, which would result in more babies being born, and less money being spent by the NHS on fertility investigations.

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Because everyone claims something wrong with everyone these days. Every little thing is seen as a red flag, isn’t it? Dating apps have no doubt contributed to these kinds of attitudes. I once got ‘rejected’ by someone because I didn’t have kids when I was 25 and he thought it was very strange as most women my area had at least one child by 23 and why was I single and childless? 🤣 it isn’t just the stereotypes about the older generations, people are looking for any excuse to reject people, including making blanket generalisations and claims about character or worthiness.

Red flags have become so arbitrary now that what is one persons red flag is another’s green. An older person who isn’t in a relationship could be single because they’re working on themselves and their lives, have strict boundaries and won’t settle. Equally, a 45 year old could be in a relationship because they will settle for anyone and are themselves toxic.

Your logic doesn’t always compute.

Twidget · 14/09/2024 21:55

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Cheesandcrackers · 14/09/2024 22:02

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Would you turn down a well paid, interesting and easy commute job if the canteen/local cafes are meh? Possible partners are like that. Sometimes you'll need a packed lunch but the rest could be great.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/09/2024 19:43

Lucy25 · 14/09/2024 15:56

All your comments are just spiteful.You’re either, a man, or a elderly woman, who hasn’t got a clue what it’s like, for women today, who are actually in their 40’s & 50’s

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All my comments? What?
Did you mean the other poster I was talking about, or me?
I'm between 45 and 50 and female lol.