Where do all the single, nice 45+ men go?

[OnthetracktoLondon]

Hello,

OLD just is not working for me. I’m a 52 year old female, not bad for my age, in a professional job, like the outdoors, love to travel, love long weekends in London…

I just don’t like anyone on OLD. It’d not the right platform for me and it feels like an Argos catalogue.

I am feeling down about it all.

Left a long, sexless marriage, about 4 years ago now simply because there was no affection/attraction there and a ten year age gap (that didn’t help).

Where am I going wrong?

😂😂😂

But it wouldn't be true if it was @Nobodywouldknow

I tend to agree that a lot of older men who are single will be for a reason, but does that also apply to everyone including women? I’ve been long term single as I can’t be bothered with a relationship. It’s quite depressing to know that this is the sort of attitude people have though, that if I meet someone eventually I wouldn’t be worth it😫🤣. Some of us haven’t been ‘snapped up’ quickly we have no desire to be.

I’ve asked a similar question on here before for a different age group, I also really dislike OLD.

Most men I connect with IRL tend to be people from the past, ex work colleagues etc. So being active in terms of keeping in touch with various social groups helps.

I’d say the men you’re interested in are just getting on with life, pursuing their hobbies and interests etc. So get out there and pursue yours. This summer I’ve gotten talking to men in my sports clubs, local cafe/ pub, on a plane, at book and music events.

I’d say looking approachable and being known as friendly/ chatty is key. If you have closed body language and look like you don’t want to be disturbed, nobody will. It’s not about being the best-looking woman in the room, it’s about looking like someone that would respond well to someone starting a conversation, and not being afraid to start one yourself.

How many cats you got?

None, cats aren’t my thing 🤣

You sure?!
Nah jokes aside there's good and bad both men and women who are single.

My Mum met hers in the pub. He was a friend of a friend, and the friend had finagled it so they'd both be there and could meet.

He was divorced because his ex had cheated. This is the problem, the good ones are usually taken, because women are less likely to do something stupid enough to make them leave than men are.

Both sides cheat.
The victims are damaged. Mostly women.

You don't I'm afraid. They've all been slung back in by the first wives for good reasons.

I think the major problem is that by 50 yo there are much larger numbers of decent single women about than decent single men.
Not so amongst the people in my experience. I know three single men in their 50's. One was the victim of a cheater but the other two were just binned for being "dull" and "losing the spark". I know the ex-wives as well, if not better, than the husbands. The women have all moved on to new relationships. The men would not consider OLD but one has found a new girlfriend via the gym, one via friend of a friend and the other is still single. They are all financially successful, great Dads (the only one with DC under 18 had them 80%) and are good company.
I think you are less likely to find the decent men on-line. Have you exhausted your family and friends for suggestions?

Agree with this.

And I say that as someone of 44 who is dating 😀

I steer towards ones that are older - the kids are grown up and they have had a decade or so to sort themselves out

The same is true about single women lol…

Exactly. There are so many duds on OLD I absolutely agree, but these threads always make me laugh when people say that anyone 40+ who is single is single for a reason as if they were good enough they’d be snapped up, yet a lot of the people with this attitude are saying it because they are also that age and single and having bad luck online 🤣. People are single for a variety of reasons. Not everyone wants to jump from one relationship to the next in order to be deemed ‘worth it’ by some arbitrary standard. I know some walking red flags that jump from partner to partner constantly.

Yeah just read the relationship threads to see what sort of charmers are NOT single. Most abusive twats find it pretty easy to find a partner.
Also it’s really harsh to say that anyone divorced is a wrong’un.

Cycling clubs.
in London, Thursday after work drinks in a pub. A boozers pub not a smart bar. Leave at 9pm at latest as so do normal people who have to commute home and be up and at em the next day sensibly.

There must be decent men out there in, roughly, equal numbers to decent women. Surely?? I do think I don't get out enough as I keep myself busy with work and stay in most evenings. I have been thinking of joining a gym but for the pool, not the gym equipment.

I like walking and hiking so maybe a group would be good.

I don't have much family, sadly. My parents and siblings are all RIP. My best friend has cancer (terminal, although she's had chemo and has been given a 5 year extension to her life). My two children are almost grown (well, one is - almost 21 and the other 16). Hardly see either of them as one at university, working, at their girlfriend's house or dad's house. Youngest also at dad's a lot as it's close to her 6th form. I work from home mostly (new job) and my work base is 100 miles away. It's difficult!

My experience is different. I’m 52 and know a number of genuinely decent single men. They’re not OLD though.

My DP of 4 years was a friend of a friend, we met at her birthday party. A few of my Facebook school friends who’ve divorced in the last decade have met new partners when out and about, or they’ve reconnected with old friends or ex colleagues on social media, got chatting, met for a drink. My 60yo colleague met his second wife in a coffee queue when they were about 50.

How long have you been on OLD? Do you like or message any men or do you expect them to come to you? Have you been through the profiles of all the men who liked your profile and are they all genuinely duds? Have you used the filters so that you search only for eg degree-educated men? Is your profile sending out the right vibes? Tbh it said you had 99 likes or something which suggests it’s early days. Also have a think about what someone might say about your own profile and whether you would want them to give you a chance or just write you off because they have preconceptions about what women on dating sites are like.

I tried this once and ended up with the local alcoholic. I'm okay with being unapproachable now.

Agree, I snapped up DH on OLD 8 weeks after his separation from a long relationship of over 20 years. For me it was definitely a trade up from my ex husband who I'd also only left 6 weeks previously. 12 years on we're still going strong.

I have chatted to a few men on OLD before. And, met. Some were clearly after a quick shag and I escaped that. One I met was lovely but had been cheated on by his wife and she was an alcoholic. He has ended up looking after his two young daughters and the mother has no contact. We chatted well on the phone and in messenger but I didn't feel it when I met him (he knew that and decided not to speak to me again). Another was single, never married/no kids. We keep in touch and have met for tea/coffee a couple of times but he is a bit of an odd ball. I get the feeling he doesn't want commitment and is happy in his single life. He says he gets lonely though. Tbh. I've gone off him. Very well spoken, nice man though.

Had a few other dates but vibes not there at all!

@Nobodywouldknow
I've been on and off OLD for 3 years. Same men all the time. I can't stand it now.

See, most people seem to think that people who rush into a new relationship so soon after separation are a red flag. I would, personally. This just goes to show that no matter what people think is the right way, others don’t, and you shouldn’t make sweeping generalisations, such as thinking that long term single people aren’t worth it.