Where do all the single, nice 45+ men go?

[OnthetracktoLondon]

Hello,

OLD just is not working for me. I’m a 52 year old female, not bad for my age, in a professional job, like the outdoors, love to travel, love long weekends in London…

I just don’t like anyone on OLD. It’d not the right platform for me and it feels like an Argos catalogue.

I am feeling down about it all.

Left a long, sexless marriage, about 4 years ago now simply because there was no affection/attraction there and a ten year age gap (that didn’t help).

Where am I going wrong?

Some truths in there, but a bit more flexibility needed.

Beginning to wish I'd listened to this 25 odd years ago.

Sorry, meant to say five types of single men after 40.

Absolutely shit advice.

it feels like an Argos catalogue

That's because it sort of is!

I believe apps like that were initially created for one night stands, mainly for men looking for that, so they don't want anything in-depth about the other person. They just want to see a photo to see if they're attracted to the person.

Of D12Troop's list, the Beardy Weirdo seems the least offensive, so I'm claiming folk festivals as my territory. And I'll duel any of you with a hand-carved wooden spoon who tries to take the unclean, mysteriously single 50-somethings from me.

Its quality advice and I urge anyone on OLD to run the fk away from any widow/ers. You will be tiptoeing around forever. Its sad but they didnt break up in the traditional way and will forever be tied to their deceased spouse, which is ok i suppose if you dont mind playing 2nd fiddle, but much easier just to swerve.

They're good for eachother

My friend lost his wife in childbirth seven years ago. He has been in a wonderful relationship for the last three years with a great woman. They make each other very happy. The son is also loved and adored by two adults.

Yet you think he deserves to live for forty or more years alone.

I was actually being snarky, but they are indeed the vast majority of men over 40 you will meet. Naturally there are outliers, but it's highly unlikely one will meet them, so hardly worth mentioning. Exceptional men are hard to find, because they are almost always partnered up already.

@Tiredalwaystired that's a really good thing to happen

I dated one. He was not over his wife and likely never will be. He ended up ghosting me.
However, I'm sure there are widowers who healed from the loss better than he did who would be worth dating.

@HeyPrestoAlakazam

If the good lord had meant us not to eat people, why did he make us of meat? 😀

Yet previous posters would have advised everyone to swerve him.

I find this pretty awful tbh. Would you say the same about single women? Strange or divorced for being a wrong un?!

I met my amazing other half of 14 years in a pub when I was 38 & he 37 - both divorced & not looking, but there you go. He wasn't strange or a wrong un, & neither was I.

I admit OLD dating is harsh- my BF has been on a year & some of the men/ stories would make your head spin- but not all people who are single post 40 are strange or 'wrong', that's not fair.

Ditto. Hid the photos when i went round but could tell the deceased's presence was all over. We both ignored it for quite a long time but it's always there. Always. Crops up in conversation from time to time along with obviously fond memories and a totally natural sadness that their happy life was cut short.

So that's what you get up to in Canada, is it John?

Well...sadly that's Mounties and Lumberjacks being crossed off my "would date" list. Such a shame...always liked a Canadian.

Also adding Fundamentalist Christian Cannibals to my "would not date' my list. Who knew such men existed. It's been an education CanadianJohn...please put your carving knife away now, thank you.

Walking groups/running club - still considering this. Lots of cheaters and twat divorcees at ParkRun though

Church/other religious establishment of your choice - tried this. Twice. One pretty much psychotic, controlling and believed showering more than once a week was killing our common home, the other was practically perfect in every way but secretly very very gay and hiding behind the whole no sex before marriage thing.

Work - tried this. We both had to leave our jobs after a horrific breakup. He was two timing me. It was awkward for our colleagues. Never again. Also new colleagues are either women, old men or gay men.

Local pub in the village - Not rural. Full of stag parties, druggies, alcoholics and twat divorcees and cheaters

Village cricket club - don't know anything about cricket (not rural either) but love a cable knit sweater so I'd give it a go...

Classy solo traveller holidays - old racist twats that voted for Brexit. Single for a reason.

Folk festivals - Guitarists, Bass Players, Drummers...ok MUSICIANS are my weakness. Commitment phobes. Cheaters. Unusually high level of STIs. Fabulous in bed (Caveat, I do not have an STI!). Cannot concentrate on attendees when there are hot musician men there.

Agreeing to every invitation, agreeing to let friends set you up on blind dates, asking friends - Done this. HUMBLING experience. They obviously either don't know who I am or think I'm desperate. WORST DATES OF MY LIFE VIA THIS ROUTE.

Match making service rather than OLD - Will consider.

OLD - My therapist told me I am not allowed to join OLD as I wouldn't survive it, "it's horrific" and shuddered.

So....Cricket, Walking and a Matchmaker it is!

I know one bloke who is nice enough, single, in his 40s. Not my type looks wise but pretty sure he'd be attractive to a fair number of women. Not particularly odd. Never married.

I think the thing is he's just so fucking dull. Nice but D-U-L-L. Your mum would love him. You can tell he probably would visit his mum every other day if he could.

But I think I'd die of boredom. And therein lies your issue.

After you've crossed off the decent blokes who stayed married, crossed off the dickheads who got divorced, crossed off the shagabouts who just couldn't commit, crossed off the oddballs and the freaks and weirdos and you look at the nice ones left, they are the ones who would bore you to death and you'd never have a spark with to work from. They'd be safe bets in many respects but you'd be in groundhog day forever more with the local accountant.

Hmm, l know that there are lots of couples who are in relationships (through friends and family) & are not keepers.I’d say quite a few(maybe l’m being a tad cynical) stay in their relationship, because, they’re daunted by starting all over again.Stay for financial reasons, just accept that this is it.I’m thinking if a women is single in 40’s 50’s+ it isn’t because she’s garbage, so surely it’s the same for men.Life happens, things change, anyone can end up single.

well yes @lucy this is where these arguments fall down however being critical i suppose male or female, the reasons of being single at 45 are the same but statistically more women than men will have divorced their partners.

What about a professional matchmaker? An in person one. The type you see on Netflix programmes but without the Jewish/ Indian element!

I'm sure these exist.

I think the difficulty is that 45 year old handsome, professional, solvent men are very attractive to all ages of women - so a 52 year old woman will be competing alongside a 28 year old woman. Hence why so many men go in to have second families.

it sounds like you are doing everything right. The only thing I might add is being very chatty to all sorts of people and get your networking up. I’d potentially go so far as to ask if anyone had friends and acquaintances that were a similar age/similar outlook/interests and just be quite forward about it all.

I agree with many posters here…. I’m 45. Tried OLD. Have male friends who’ve made ‘offers’ that I’m conpletely shocked at as they’ve said they might be married but they’re just settling (I was utterly disgusted and gave them a piece of my mind). OLD - so many men who say they’re separated and actually they’re not, a bit of quick SM snooping and I caught them out. One guy who actually lied about his name and stole my bank card whilst on the date.

Biggest surprise is a guy I’ve known for nearly two years who I discounted at first as he went straight into sexy talk which I said I found distasteful. We’ve actually kept in touch and speak most weeks. And we’ve met a couple of times and seem to gel together well and just chat with ease for many hours. Could be a slow burn thing? I’m not sure yet as I know he is into ONSs so maybe we shall just remain friends.

I think if it’s going to happen then it will, and if I don’t find someone then I’m just happy with life as it is. There’s too many horror stories.

And just to add a PS - if you are trying OLD there’s a fb group called ‘are we dating the same guy’ for most areas in the UK. I’ve checked and a few matches were already in there with various other women’s experiences which led me to unmatch straight away. No point wasting my time at my age.

Im glad I’m following this post - lots of good tips which I think I’ll try out!