Where do all the single, nice 45+ men go?

[OnthetracktoLondon]

Hello,

OLD just is not working for me. I’m a 52 year old female, not bad for my age, in a professional job, like the outdoors, love to travel, love long weekends in London…

I just don’t like anyone on OLD. It’d not the right platform for me and it feels like an Argos catalogue.

I am feeling down about it all.

Left a long, sexless marriage, about 4 years ago now simply because there was no affection/attraction there and a ten year age gap (that didn’t help).

Where am I going wrong?

Us over 45+ single good eggs don’t do on line dating. I did get very strong feelings for a lady I met through work who was divorced & who every few weeks would visit friends in different parts of the country, often saying that wi-fi & phone signals were very bad so she could not keep in touch, until it dawned on me she was doing OLD & spending weekends in Hotels with dates. she did set up home with one rich elderly man, who is now unfortunately in very bad health.

Good point

Lolz at some of this thread, have read many times on this part of the forum, that all the older guys are crap, single for a reason, all unattractive etc, so no surprise to see it repeated many times so far.

Its not said by all on here of course, but for those that do, are they of the opinion that they & all the divorced or single older ladies must be of course utterly stunning obviously, with none at all damaged or overweight or single for a reason or have unrealistic expectations of themselves or the world whatsoever.

I know you get the odd Incel lunatics come on here & I don't know the female equivalent acronym, FemIncel? but blimey there certainly seems to be a few of them.

Just like females, are a lot of guys single for whatever reason after a long time & happy to be in that space, not OLD'ing etc. I always find it odd folks male or female jump out of one relationship particularly long ones & search for & often jump straight into another anyway.

I'm not single but I think reading this thread and others demonstrates that women are very much Vo-cels (voluntarily celibate) not incels @CallmePaul !

@HeyPrestoAlakazam
You are clearly not a Swann and Flanders fan. There's nothing like roast leg of insurance salesman.

There are more decent women than men. Therefore you're less likely to meet them as you grow older.
Look out for widowers, but definitely avoid cocklodgers with many kids and a million excuses why he doesn't financially provide for them.

Oh look. We got a #NAMALT. I was wondering when some dude would wander in here, get offended and try to spoil all the fun for women.

There is virtually no such thing as an involuntarily celibate woman, btw. Women who are celibate are usually celibate by choice, often because most of the men she's been with have been no good either in and out of bed. An incel, OTOH, is just angry because nobody wants him, due to him being a horrendous person.
Sorry to break it to you, but any woman who's had her fair share of men and isn't self-deluded will tell you most of them are not relationship material.

I also noticed you focused on single women's looks, though nobody on this thread has mentioned single men's looks as being a big deal. A bit telling about male priorities, isn't it? Do you perhaps see, then, why women get fed up with men? Women don't expect an Adonis, just somebody sane, sober, not nasty, lazy, selfish or shallow. Believe us when we tell you how difficult that is to find.

Totally. Volcel and couldn't be more pleased about it.
Haven't had a UTI in years, which is reason enough all by itself.

"Women don't expect an Adonis, just somebody sane, sober, not nasty, lazy, selfish or shallow."

Well...this?

There is virtually no such thing as an involuntarily celibate woman, btw

The term originated with a woman. It just got taken over by men.

I'm a woman, and I have been involuntary celibate (Tinder hasn't always existed.) I've also been voluntarily celibate.

But then, I've also met a couple of lovely men on OLD in my early 50s, one of whom has been one of the most important relationships of my life. I've also met some absolute shockers, and a handful of others who were perfectly nice, but we just didn't really have enough of a spark for it to go further. There are good ones out there, in among all the dross.

The term was indeed coined by a woman. She meant it to describe lonely people who want a relationship, not just people who can't get laid. It was a misnomer in that context.

So I think you also might be mixing up celibate (meaning not having sex) for not being in a relationship. Tons of women are not in a relationship and would like to be. If you just want sex without a relationship, it's easy to get. Finding a suitable companion is much more difficult.
I'm not interested in either. Been there done that and it sucked.
I'm glad you found a good one though.

Sorry to further dash hopes but I dated a widower for 2 years who lied about his age by 6 years, cheated on me twice and constantly eyed up woman in the street in a very obvious head turning way. He was also outraged that I objected to the leering and the lying (it was my problem not his according to him).

He also professed to love animals but I saw him 'get rid of' two animals when it became inconvenient athough he did use some lovely photos of himself with said animals on his new dating profile along with some complete lies about why these animals were no longer in his life. (he even told the lies to me when we met up years later obviously forgetting that I had actually been there when he said stick the dog in the dog home, instead I got the yes I gave the dog to my ex partner because she needed him more than I did and I'm such a good person'

He discussed everything with his mother (EVERYTHING) and had her working in his business in her seventies while he did his hobbies and avoided working as much as possible (it was a joint business with his wife so when she died he got his elderly mother to pick up his wifes part in the business). I don't know if this is the defination of a 'mummy's boy' but it was most offputting.

He watched porn regularly and told me his favourite types and when he had been watching it. He only liked the 'pretty people' though and not anything weird like 'fat fifty year olds' (ironic given he was a fat almost 50 year old)

He was outraged at some of the online dates he had as the woman 'had rolls of fat on their back'. He had a huge belly but would only date slim fit woman and was disgusted by the overweight ones.

Oh and just being a bitch now (sorry) he had some ED too.

And he was on the dating sites 8 weeks after his wife died from cancer in her thirties (he was in his forties) and while she was dying she slept on the sofa bed and he slept in their bed. I was horrified but he said 'she insisted'.

Some lucky woman is married to him now!!

p.s. Oh and his favourite outfit which he wore ALL the time was skinny jeans. Not a good look on an older man with a huge belly. I tried to praise him when he wore wider normal trousers (not often) but he didn't take the hint.
I think he was trying to be 'young' since he had lied about his age by 6 years and so I was almost 10 years younger than him (but thought I was only 4 years younger if that makes sense)

🤮
Of course he had ED. Classic pornsick loser.

Yep get off online dating. The algorithms on dating sites are totally skewed.

Best way is still meeting a friend of a friend I reckon but don't be afraid to just smile at guy you spot you fancy when going about your daily life be it in a supermarket, at a bus stop, etc. I get the feeling a lot of men find it difficult to approach these days for multiple reasons so sometimes they need a bit of prodding.

Hmm. I freely admit I have zero experience of online dating, but I can give you some perspective on the handful of single 40+ men I used to work with before I retired last January. A couple had never married - I’d frankly be amazed if they’d ever had any kind of meaningful relationship with a woman - a couple were divorced or long-term separated, and one was a widower. Without exception they were piss-poor examples of masculinity. Porn-addled manchildren, misogynistic and downright flesh-crawlingly creepy and inappropriate - and yes, before you ask, I reported more than one of them to HR, more than once.

Luckily, I was never a target for their behaviour, being 60+, fat, grey and outspoken, having run out of fucks to give a long time ago. I had the dubious gift of invisibility as far as they were concerned, which is probably why they didn’t moderate their behaviour around me. But if they are in any way representative of the “talent” out there on OLD, then heaven help you.

You could always take up warhammer. I know a couple of seemingly lovely single blokes who play this. They’re not the prettiest/slimmest and so have given up on dating a long, long time ago. They are both (to outward appearances) funny, kind and intelligent. You’re likely to have to filter out a few incels en route, but they’re usually pretty easy to spot. I doubt you’d find a much higher single male to female ratio anywhere on the planet, to be honest. Other than maybe prison, but I’d rule that out for obvious reasons.

I was more lonely in my marriage then l have been since divorcing 7 years ago.

Wish we'd split earlier.

Depends where you live as well. More women in cities at any age.
Also more gay men than lesbians and more men in prison.

Agree they are taken before they come on the OLD market 😂 so in the wild is the only way. Be open to conversations and new friends and interests.

I do this. I have a full time job that involves travel, lone parent, exercise 5/6 days a week including a pt session, my daughter has a horse and I volunteer for a DV charity. The problem I always had is trying to fit a man in once I got myself that kind of life 🤣😂. Although in the end I did on Facebook dating and he’s very accommodating and supportive of it all.

Those groups are eye openers.

The nice, shy types are often single, sometimes in part because they prefer their own company. The abusers and the charmers are always in relationships.

Some of course, certainly not all by a very long margin, read many of the dating related threads & the comments therein.

To be fair I would rather be celebrate than have bad sex like so many married women on MN seem to put up with.