Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

Slept with my DH after our first date. We'd only met a couple of weeks previously and he was also one of my new flatmates. Happily married 10 years on.

Yes, still together 27 years later.

Yep. DP was only supposed to be a ons. We had such an incredible night we decided to be fuck buddies. He's the most incredible man I've ever met, I couldn't help but fall in love with him within weeks. And I'm sure he'd say something similar about me.

I enjoy sex, I don't consider it something I give to men or that men take from me. And sexual compatibility is very important to me. I don't want to grow to like someone that I cannot enjoy sex with. So I usually have sex very quickly. With protection obviously.

Yes - 25 years and counting with my DH.

I did on the second date. It was unheard of for me at the time but we ended dup married.

BTW, the debate is ongoing “Between my friend and ME”. Not “my friend and I”.

(Not only is my DH a man who does not think it cheapened me to have sex on the first night we met, he also shares my pedantry about grammar 😀).

In all seriousness, I think it’s equally as important to work out if you’re really attracted to somebody and have amazing sexual chemistry with them before deciding if you genuinely like somebody: the Relationships board is full of miserable women stuck in relationships with men who they acknowledge they probably never really fancied and didn’t ever have amazing sex with, but thought were nice and kind and funny and would be decent dads so kept dating; and now they feel trapped living with somebody who’s no more than a pleasant housemate.

My friend. It was her 33rd wedding anniversary the other day.

Exactly this!

Huh? Did you quote the wrong post because that is not what I was saying at all.

I got to my 30s long-term single because through most of my 20s I didn't want a relationship (but I did want sex, and saw no point wasting time in getting it). Being single wasn't a bug of of my one night stand strategy, it was a feature. (Until DP ruined it obv.)

Yes, my DH was supposed to be a one night stand, still together 20 years later. Women like sex too, why is it 'cheap' for us to enjoy it? Would you call a man 'cheap' for having sex on the first date?

I slept with DH on our second date. Would have been the first had I not had work after. No regrets. It felt right, it still feels right. I don't really think it's a good or bad thing. I certainly wasn't "trying to get a man". Why isn't the man "trying to get a woman"? At least you know you're compatible before wasting your time.

Well, that blew up. 😁
Thank you for those who answered seriously. Yes, I agree my OP is judgy.
I have never done this, probably protecting myself from becoming too attached to someone less suitable due to ‘oxytocin bonding’.
For the ones who assumed I don’t enjoy sex: I do, but with the person I have feelings for.

Sorry I was agreeing with what you were saying

Can’t say I felt cheap or desperate (thanks OP!), but I was definitely more interested in seeing him again once I knew we were physically compatible. And if having sex was going to make him “lose respect” for me I’d rather know that before I wasted any time getting to know him.

but that other posters (and the OP!) seem to think that men are allowed to want to have sex but women are cheap and desperate for wanting it!!!

It happens. I've slept with one person on a first date. The attraction was insane. We had a short relationship and quickly realised we were not compatible in other ways, which was a shame. Husband and I slept together on second date, he moved in after three months and we've been together 20 years.

Yikes. You clearly have a lot of internalised shame around sex, why on earth would it make you seem cheap and desperate? You do realise women are allowed to want sex, casual hook ups and one night stands without wanting a relationship from them?

Anyway, yes. Shagged on the first date now happily married, been together nearly 10 years and expecting our first child.

Yes, it’s a great way of weeding out the crap shags quickly. I’ve only done it with one man (my DP of 9 years) but flipping heck, I wish I’d done it early with a few more. It would have saved me so much time 😁

Also, if you’re a frisky person, it’s good to know that you’ve met someone who can match the friskiness. Someone who is happy to go on dates and have chaste kisses for months on end probably wouldn’t have worked for me long term. I’d been in a sexless marriage for 6 years and there was no way I wanted a relationship with someone who had a low libido.

Yep, we’re married with a 6 year old.

What's happens when you've got feelings for one of them and then discover they're absolutely crap in bed? Selfish lovers who do nothing to ensure you have a good time?

@Starlight1979 oh sorry, yes totally agree!

@HotCrossBunplease Thanks for the correction, I probably use these incorrectly most of the time.

I think it's a bit mysogynistic to say it's cheap, dirty, low and desperate, because somehow no one really criticises men who do it. If a man sleeps with someone on the first date - no one cares, if a woman sleeps with someone on the first date - straight away she's easy, and a bit of a sl*g, I hate that point of view but I also feel it's engrained in so many women's heads.
Personally, I wouldn't want to do it with every first date, not because I think it's cheap, but because I think it's much more fun to build a little bit of excitement. Slept with my DH on the first date anyway, he didn't find me too cheap to marry me 🤣

@rainsofcastamere I’ve not had one of these. But all the men I slept with were from my home country apart from my husband. So can’t really say what I’d have done.

Well im guessing that they may well end up with a woman who isnt that into sex and then be posting about it on this very board years later.