Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

Couldn't help but think of this work of absolute genius when I read this...

It might have done in your case but look at most of the posts on here - including mine - who are now married to their "one night stand"!

Me and DP had sex before we even had a date and it definitely wasn't weird. In fact, it made our first date even better!

Now we have a completely normal, healthy, loving and respectful relationship. Nothing "weird" about it!

The opposite of cheap is…expensive? The implication is that by waiting for x length of time/number of dates, he’s then ‘bought’ sex.

I like sex. As much as my DP does. It wasn’t a prize that I granted him after he’d proven himself.

Why are you assuming that your experience is everyone’s?

Not mine at all. I’ve never pretended it hasn’t happened but then I’ve never been ashamed of it which might be the difference.

I wanted sex, had it, the end.

Was talking with someone online for a few months , we finally met up , and ended up having sex . We are still together 20 years later.

You shouldn’t use it as a way to “try and get a man” as you’ve put it.

sleeping with someone doesn’t guarantee it will develop into a relationship so it shouldn’t be done thinking that you’ll gain a relationship and security in return for sex.

if you want to sleep with someone it doesn’t matter if you’ve been on one date or 30. It’s your decision and your choice.

I slept with my then Boyfriend on the first date and 5 years later were married and blissfully happy.

Having said that I’ve also slept with people on the first date that I knew I wouldn’t be compatible with in a relationship yet I fancied them so slept with them, knowing it would be no more than that. I’ve also slept with people who it took 5/6 dates to get to that point. But in each situation it was my decision and choice.

Yes, me and my husband didn’t even have a proper first date. we met through mutual friends on a night out and slept together after being at a club. we have been together 15 years, married for 12.

Is this real? You sound quite judgemental.

I have slept with men on a first date and really enjoyed it. I was not at the time and am not now cheap or desperate thanks.

Have you read the At what age did you give up sex thread? Please do, there are so many woman on the thread who hate sex. I got roasted for saying I do!! I sometimes think Mumsnet is beyond conservative and some woman live in the dark ages!
I love your post, my partner often says to me we never dated, we didn't to be honest we were to busy ripping each others clothes off to be bothered with dating, 30 years later still together and still very happy!

Yes. Now been married 26 years

Don't think it matters a jot, if you like each other enough then whether you sleep together or not on first date is inconsequential. Still with one almost 18 years later 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even thought I answered yes and said that we ended up married, that doesn’t always have to be the case.

its absolutely ok to sleep with someone on the first date and it not work out. It’s ok to sleep with someone on the first date knowing you don’t want to take the relationship further.

all that matters is that you’re consenting and happy.

Yep and I was the one who instigated it 😂 he's still my favourite person in the world and it's now us, our dog and our lovely baby 😊

Well no, not really.

If you have an amazing one night stand with someone and then nothing comes of it, so what? You got a good shag out of it and can move on.

If it turns into a relationship (as mine did) then you get to go to bed and have great sex with that same person every night!

So it's a win / win really 😊

I’ve had sex on first and second dates which led to medium and long term relationships (including my now DH), waited for sex on much later dates and had things go nowhere, and a mixture of everything else in between. If I have sex on a first date and then never see them again, then I at least had a nice night in a cool bar talking to an interesting and attractive person and had some sex. Not every encounter has to come from a fairytale book.

The only guarantee of something going nowhere for me would be a man judging women for having sex on a first date and thinking it made her “cheap.” He can jog on right away.

Yes, together 40 years now.

I slept with DP before we'd even been on a date. We're still together, and very happy, 21 years later.

I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man

I consider that attitude misogynistic and narrow-minded. Why can't women just enjoy sex? I have sex because I like sex and I don't see the point of denying myself something I enjoy.

I've never had sex 'to try to get a man'. I've had it because I fancied someone and wanted to have sex with them. If it doesn't turn into a relationship, then so what? I didn't always necessarily want a relationship with them anyway.

Crucially, I wouldn't ever want a relationship with a man who doesn't respect women if they sleep him him. The men I've had good relationships with have been men who loved the fact that I enjoy sex for myself, and don't treat it as some sort of gift that I withhold from them to keep them keen or bestow upon them as a reward.

Good for you, spot on 👍

Well, it might just be I've been single so long I couldn't imagine doing this at this point. I'd be too awkward

I’ve had sex on a first date that has led to a long term relationship, I’ve had sex on a first date that didn’t lead to anything because we weren’t compatible. I have had sex before a first date. I’ve had sex that has not been linked to a date.

Do what works for you, but don’t judge others doing what works for them providing there is consent and everything is fully legal.

And because I am feeling a bit glib about this even being a serious post - have you never heard of try before you buy?!

I don't understand why women aren't allowed to say we enjoy sex? Or to admit to having one night stands if they're single?! As far as I'm concerned, sex is two consenting people and both are entitled to enjoy what they're doing aren't they?!

If a bloke went to the pub with his mates and was telling them about a good shag he'd had after a night out, nobody would bat an eyelid.

If the woman was to do the exact same then there would be raised eyebrows galore (like the OP!) and people judging her!

Thank god for Sex and the City is all I can say because at least that allowed some women to feel more confident in being sexual and talking about it!

Why try to pretend it didn't happen though? Sex is just sex. It can be intimate, romantic, loving, but it can also just be two people bouncing around on top of each other trying to get each others rocks off.

Yes, it can change the way two people feel about each other, but you can just as easily dust yourselves off, high five and go about their days because nothing has changed.

It sounds like you connect sex with love, and that you don't want to have the first unless you're reasonably sure about the second. And that's fine, but it's not the same for everyone.

That might be the case for you. It isn't the case for me.

Only a misogynist (regardless of their gender) would brand you cheap for having sex on a first date or ONS.

A huge proportion of men slap it around all the time, not only on first dates/ONS, but also by paying for it online and person; and don't receive the same type of judgements put on to women.

Don't be so harsh on yourself.