Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

Exactly.

I’m baffled that pp thinks that everyone must be like her ex.

I don’t believe it’s true. Especially if she has this attitude with her clients.

Thanks, that’s good to know at least, just disappointed that in 2024 we still have women with such misogynistic views.

Just good conversations about mutual interests and shared humour that don't dry up, I guess, with added flirty glances and obvious mutual attraction. A decent amount of chat had to happen before I decided to leave the club/party with someone. That's what parties and clubs are for, right? A bit of talking, a bit of dancing, sometimes you get chatting with someone and there's no mutual chemistry so you've made a new friend, sometimes there's chemistry and you're in the mood so you go home with them.

I used to leave before morning quite a lot. Nothing personal but I've always liked to actually go to sleep by myself in my own bed, and back in the day I always used to enjoy a good reflective night bus trip home.

@Parisianparty you waffle a lot about well nothing really.

we get it no casual sex for you but others love it no judgement there but you are judging and apparently are a councillor or therapist god help your clients with that attitude.

oh and my comment and grammar mistake I’m not your friend and it was written not said get it. A grammar mistake ffs.

You need to catch up on the thread, we addressed the slut thing a while back, we’ve moved on now and established that I am insanely judgemental and in need of psychiatric help

You do need to talk to someone as your past is encroaching on your life and not in a good way @Parisianparty. You’re now taking it out on people here. You have unresolved issues that need explored

Can you imagine it:

Parisianparty: How many partners have you had to date?

Client: Um...I'm not sure, maybe 25 to 30.

Parisianparty: Well it is clear to me you are a mentally unwell slut who will get cancer and die. You should have stuck to using your vibe to scratch that itch, you have only yourself to blame. I bet you were the sort of promiscuous whore who chased after my ex aren't you, AREN'T YOU? Get out of my office, GET OUT and may the three Furies Alecto, Megaera and Tisiphone emerge from the Underworld and chase your wicked soul to the ends of the earth.......oh and please pay the receptionist on the way out.

😂😂😂

There's no way on earth that it's true.

It's very clear that she is utterly obsessed with her ex in a really unhealthy way. She was obviously badly hurt by him, and rather than accept that things didn't work for them because he'd had a lot of partners, she'd rather insist that a relationship can't work for ANYONE if they've had a lot of partners. She also clearly has massive, massive bitterness towards the women who slept with him before she did and brands them as sluts, users, cheap etc because she blames them for the failure of her relationship. It's all incredibly sad but I genuinely think she is really unwell mentally and a complete fantasist about many of the things she's claiming. It's pointless engaging with her.

I wouldn’t opt out to have sex with somebody who I hadn’t also gelled with on a bit of a mental level as well as a physical one, so the cab ride to whoever’s home you’re going to is usually just more of the same: interesting conversation about anything you’ve already been talking about, interspersed with flirting and kissing.

And sex is a great leveller: you’re both naked, you can’t hide behind anything, you have to communicate with each other, and sometimes you’ll bump heads or get your limbs tangled and it will be funny. It means that the morning after generally isn’t actually as awkward as you’d suppose: virtually all of my ONSs have involved coffee or breakfast the following morning, and then you just hug or kiss and wish the other well - or, you agree you’d like to do it again. (In the latter bracket I memorably count my now excellent friend Ty who was a very last minute Tinder date on business in London from NYC who just blurted out with “I had a great time with you last night and not just the sex - how about you come visit me at home in NYC next month?” I did, it was great, almost ten years later we’re still visiting each other.)

Spot on

No, you cheap hussey! Get thee to a nunnery!

I slept with my husband the night we met. We were together 28 years before he passed away. Would I do it again? Damn straight I would!

Only time I fix this was with my now DH.

Together 25 years and married for 20 years so far.

@gannett A decent amount of chat had to happen before I decided to leave the club/party with someone.

Do you have magic ears? How on earth did you speak to anyone in a club?

Smoking area.

(I don't even smoke.)

Tell me you have had a Puritanical upbringing without telling me you have had a Puritanical upbringing...

Not all clubs are just one big dance floor with a thumping sound system, though, are they? Plenty of places have a chill-out area, or a bar that's off the main dance floor, or outside space. And some clubs are really more just like a bar with a late licence.

You spelt decent wrong

It’s funny how much of an expert you seem to be on casual sex considering you haven’t done it.

People have repeatedly pointed out that you are conflating your ex behavior with people who've had casual sex.

You can have casual sex and go on to have happy healthy committed relationships. In fact most people I know have done that myself included.

You seem very determined to see things through our trauma.

You also seem determined to make the women your ex spoke to as sad and unattractive while you are above them all. That's absurd. That level of arrogance is shocking considering you have no clue who they are.