Page 6 | Sleeping with someone on the first date

Delphiniumandlupins · 02/09/2024 15:38

It might be risky to make yourself vulnerable with someone you don't know very well but there's no magic "no longer cheap" bell after someone has bought you dinner twice.

Rewis · 02/09/2024 15:42

Yep. Still together 12 years later. I'm not sure it was even a date but I guess it counted as one.

ChipsCheeseAndGravey · 02/09/2024 15:42

I’ve never done it because I never met someone and felt safe or comfortable enough to have sex with them after one date. Looking back if my DP had tried it on after our first date I probably would have slept with him, but that was different because it was love at first sight. I know a lot of people don’t believe in that but it was. I definitely don’t think it’s cheap to do it tho. If both people want to do it and feel the desire to more power to them.

kj2023 · 02/09/2024 15:43

Married my "one night stand" and together over 10 years now!

ManchesterLu · 02/09/2024 15:44

Sometimes you just "know". Me and DP slept together very quickly, which isn't typical of how I behave. But it worked out fine!

aCatCalledFawkes · 02/09/2024 15:47

2nd date with my current boyfriend and that was after he came round at lunch time the day after our first date - which didn't go as far as sex but it came close.

Anyway I don't normally think it's a great idea but I was trying to push my own boundaries and be a bit more open. I'm glad I did now as the sex is amazing and the relationship is work in progress like all relationships are but we don't just have sex, we do spend time together too.

I'm also of the opinion that sex is really important and good sex also involves good communication and trust, I do feel it's something that brings us together and we communicate well about it, I 100% feel listened too. I'm too old to settle for bad sex or someone who isn't on the same page as me. There are always so many posts on this bored with women who are happy in every way except sex and then other posts about men not going down on women (which wouldn't be the right relationship for me) or men wanting anal sex when the woman doesn't etc. Might as well get it right at the start.

LaerealSilverhand · 02/09/2024 15:47

Until 20 years ago there was no such thing as 'dating' in the UK. It was a curious thing that you only ever heard of in American films and TV programmes. The norm was to cop off at a pub or club or party with someone you knew (either well or vaguely via a larger friendship group) and see how things went on from there. The idea of 'dating' and then deciding whether to take things further is a ludicrous American import. Do things the traditional British way - blind drunk in an alley behind a club, and if that works out then maybe think about going out for dinner as a follow up.

Josette77 · 02/09/2024 15:48

Yep.

I usually do if I find them attractive. Sex is extremely important to me. I'm not investing in someone I have bad sex with.

My partner and I slept together on the second date. That sealed the deal for me.

He had decided to marry me half way through our brunch that day. I decide to marry him a little later on...

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/09/2024 15:51

Mmm 19 years down the road... yep, sleeping with someone on the first date can indeed lead to a long term relationship.

But 'first date' is not that clear cut. In our case we'd been talking online via IRC and messenger for some months, we knew some of the same people 'IRL'... and to have that first 'date' he had to travel half way across the country and stay at my home.

This isn't really comparable to meeting someone in a bar and taking them home, or chatting for a week then meeting up in a restaurant or any of the myriad other ways one can meet someone.

I've also been told (back in the day) that meeting someone online wouldn't result in a long term relationship, because online, people can lie to you...

But in reality the only thing they can lie to you about online, that they can't in person, is their appearance, which is a lie very quickly found out when you do meet them!

blahblahblah24 · 02/09/2024 15:54

Yep, been with DH for 13 years. Same with my long term ex too. Some creeps will hang around for 10 or more dates then dump you after sex and if someone doesn't respect you after sex on the first date they are arseholes anyway. It can work both ways. It's always a risk I guess.

KreedKafer · 02/09/2024 15:55

LaerealSilverhand · 02/09/2024 15:47

Until 20 years ago there was no such thing as 'dating' in the UK. It was a curious thing that you only ever heard of in American films and TV programmes. The norm was to cop off at a pub or club or party with someone you knew (either well or vaguely via a larger friendship group) and see how things went on from there. The idea of 'dating' and then deciding whether to take things further is a ludicrous American import. Do things the traditional British way - blind drunk in an alley behind a club, and if that works out then maybe think about going out for dinner as a follow up.

Yes, the whole 'dating' thing barely existed here until relatively recently. People generally just got off with someone they vaguely knew, had a shag and then either a) never spoke of it again or b) started going out together. The whole thing of 'dating' and having a conversation about whether you were 'exclusive' was pretty much unheard of.

Original poster

LegalAlienated · 02/09/2024 15:56

@LaerealSilverhand That’s a very interesting insight, thank you. My friend is British, I’m not American but I wondered if there was a cultural element to this.

OP posts:

Couldthiswork · 02/09/2024 15:56

I always sleep with men on the first date if I like them 🤷🏼‍♀️ . Can honestly say no-one has ever not wanted see me again because of it and in answer to your question, several have turned into long term relationships

VibeVanguard · 02/09/2024 15:56

Sex is an enjoyable and natural part of life. Engaging in sexual activity does not diminish a person’s value or make them "cheap" or "desperate." Regardless of whether it’s on the first or tenth date.

These harsh and outdated labels are often employed to shame or control expressions of sexuality, particularly targeting women. Such terms are rooted in a long history of societal and cultural norms designed to suppress female sexual autonomy.

Unfortunately, these remnants of patriarchal thinking still persist today, reflecting the ongoing struggle against the restrictive and judgmental attitudes that continue to shape how we perceive and discuss sexuality.

Even more unfortunate is when a woman harbours this internalised sexism.

Sex is fun. The end.

JerryHasSprungAgain · 02/09/2024 15:58

LegalAlienated · 02/09/2024 13:49

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

Why would it be 'cheap' or 'desperate' to want to 'get a man' or even to sleep with one as a one-night stand? Are you from the 19th century? Would you consider a man 'cheap' or 'desperate' to want to sleep with you? Sex is one of the most natural things in the world. Unfortunately we, the human race, have degraded it with weird silly attitudes.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 02/09/2024 16:00

I've had a few relationships and some I did some I didn't. Tbh it didn't make a blind bit of difference to how they treated me or how the relationship panned out.

LBFseBrom · 02/09/2024 16:08

LegalAlienated · 02/09/2024 13:49

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

I did with my husband. We had known each other for a while before we started going out, had been skirting around each other :-). That worked out, we were married nearly 44 years.

I did however sleep with someone else on a first date a very long time ago. We were very attracted to, and liked, eachother. The relationship lasted approximately six months and he never forgave me, played cat and mouse power games with me for ages, made me feel ashamed. He was an unusual person to say the least. It took me ages to get over it, looking back it was horrible.

If you are a confident person, not too vulnerable, it can work.

Zanatdy · 02/09/2024 16:08

My friend married her one night stand, 13yrs and 2 kids later, still going strong

mondaytosunday · 02/09/2024 16:11

I didn't with my DH (waited til second 🤣). But my friend who did just celebrated her 30th anniversary and her husband once told her (in front of me 😱) that he wasn't even attracted to her at first!!!!
So yes of course it can develop.

Crushed23 · 02/09/2024 16:11

I’m very busy these days so I mostly go on dates with men I want to have sex with. If there’s no chemistry in-person then I obviously don’t have sex with them, but I go on dates to have sex, by and large. If it’s ‘cheap’ (whatever that means) then I’m happy to be cheap!

RareLemur · 02/09/2024 16:12

DP and I have been together for coming up to 14 years. I wasn't doing because I was cheap or desperate. I don't think he was cheap or desperate for sleeping with me either.

MsMcG · 02/09/2024 16:14

Think I went to bed with my now husband about 4 hours after meeting him! I've always been comfortable with first date sex if it feels right. Didn't always want a relationship from it. Some lead on to friendships, some to dating, and some nothing at all. It's never felt cheap and certainly not desperate

Crushed23 · 02/09/2024 16:15

Can someone explain what the OP even means by cheap? 😂

I’m mid-30s and literally never hear this used in the context of sex. Sounds antiquated.

NewFriendlyLadybird · 02/09/2024 16:15

30 years and still going strong.

Hollietree · 02/09/2024 16:16

Met on a dancefloor in a nightclub, first year at uni in 2000. One night stand turned into marriage, 4 children and still blissfully happy 24 years later ❤️