Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

Condoms are incredibly effective, as is the HPV vaccination which you now get as a child.

It's like anything else, you minimise the risk and live your life.

I can think of many every day risks I'd happily take. The risk of catching an STD ( even with a condom) or pelvic inflammatory disease which can in some cases be attributed to multiple sexual encounters is definitely not one of them.

The thread is not about one night stands, yet some people are absolutely determined to pretend that it is.

That’s cool with me. I respect that.

I no longer travel by car. Several friends have been killed, or nearly killed, in RTAs. I’m concerned about the environment.

I’ve never had an STD or PIL and I’ve enjoyed safe sex, sometimes with men I’ve only just met, all my life. I’m sure you’re cool with that and respect that too.

I’m sorry, you cannot compare these other things to people who have the lifestyle of casual sex, we find out more and more about it each day, and much we have yet to learn about it. The scientific facts are plain, one lifelong partner is the best case scenario with sexual health. It cannot be denied. The more casual sex you have with other people who have casual sex the more you open yourself up to health problems. Many heath problems doctors don’t even have answers for, and many people never get a diagnosis. The health side of it is just one small part of it, many other things I have mentioned also, it’s not all fun and games because casual sex leads to all kinds of issues, not just health related! Guaranteed that most women who have causal sex have knowingly or unknowingly shagged someone married or partnered up, who knows the various ways you’ve screwed yourselves and others up just for quick fuck. To the people you screw you’re nothing more than a sex toy, not the best they’ve had, and not the worst, just a fumble with a stranger, I don’t think there’s anything remotely sexy or passionate about that. The following week both of you are bedding someone else. Neither of you take the other person seriously. Many who experience serious dissatisfaction with partners is a result of having too many to compare to, and just generally getting bored or someone because you’ve rewired your brain to want variety. I think it’s highly narcissistic and it takes a reasonable degree of narcissism and objectification to engage with this lifestyle

Hence why my attraction would switch off if I liked someone and discovered this is how they tick. With my ex it was like he basically had a harem on speed dial if he fancied it, and just really didn’t understand objectifying people is sickening “oh they were just bodies, you’re the real deal”, “so what if I tell women they are fuckable, I’m with you”, no thanks, I’d rather leave a guy like that to play with girls like that. It’s a total waste of time attempting to have a real relationship with someone with that mindset even if they can jog along acting monogamous for a period of time. Once again, like should date like, and then they can walk together, with the same mindset.

I'm not at all surprised that if a man cheats with a stranger, you blame the woman for it despite the fact that he clearly knew he is married or in a relationship with someone but she likely didn't. The only person to blame for potentially screwing themselves up is the knowingly cheating man.

It's definitely been all fun and games for me, nothing but good experiences and no regrets. Lots of sexy and passionate moments too.

You do realise that not all people who have or have had casual sex are like your ex? You have brought him up multiple times.

I'd never and have never said anything like that to my DH.

Oh yeah my ex was peak narcissism, and he loved the drama, but his casual attitude to sex was a huge part of his personality, and not something that would ever change. I just wouldn’t want to be with someone that thinks that way, even if they didn’t say it. I’ve bought it up because majority of my comments are in the context of would I want to date someone with a casual attitude to sex, and the answer is a resounding no. I 100% believe it takes a high degree of narcissism for someone to be able to detach this way and objectify and use people this way. Who said I blamed the woman for unknowingly screwing married men- I’m just making the point that it’s highly likely, and they are consenting to screw strangers, so any damage that ensues from that- they have played their role, even unknowingly. But, for those who consider sex to be a sport like playing tennis, honestly, why would it matter to them anyway, in their words, it’s only sex isn’t it?

But your ex isn't a clone of everyone who likes casual sex. From what you've described of him, we are nothing alike. I don't think what he said to you either.

Using someone means that you are taking advantage of them or manipulating them in some way. It sounds like that was the case with your ex but how is it the case with two consenting adults who know it is just casual sex and nothing more? No one is taking advantage of anyone and there's no manipulation either.

Just as I wouldn't knowingly steal someone's tennis partner, I wouldn't knowingly have sex with someone's romantic partner.

Recent studies show a link between increased risk of cancer in those who have had ten or more sexual partners- a significantly increased risk. There is also a link between multiple sex partners and increased risk of various chronic illnesses. The studies are all there, you’ve been sold a lie. All of this really is the tip of the iceberg.

But that was down to your ex partner not the women HE was the one who promised to be faithful to you not them

I really dont like the phrase "girls like that" Makes my teeth itch. Ive only had two ONS in my entire life. Its not for me but i would NEVER judge another woman for enjoying them. IMO as long as everyone is consenting and practicing safe sex its not a problem.

Using someone doesn’t have to include manipulation or coercion, using someone implies lack of feeling for anything but using their body for pleasure, walking away and forgetting about them, and on to the next. Of course it is using them, if they got feelings you’d make it clear they were just for a fuck right? You’re not there because you love them as a whole person, you are there because their body is useful to you for a brief time. As I said, the ability to do this and detach emotionally like this takes a certain amount of narcissism and self gratifying behaviour.

The idea of “safe sex” is a nice thought, but not really the truth. No sex is 100% safe, as stated there are many health risks that can’t be protected by contraception.

The study which was carried out on 50+ year olds. I'd like to see it again when all the 50+ year olds have had the HPV vaccination as children.

Excellent point

You’re grasping at straws, chronic illness and cancer aren’t just found in those with hpv, and hpv vaccine has caused its own issues if you care to look into it. But none of you had that vaccine anyway did you? So you can see that the most commonly known STIs are just the tip of the iceberg in terms of multiple sex partners and health issues, and no doubt, we don’t know the half of it

No one is claiming that sex is 100% safe. Of course it isn't.

But then nothing in life is. You simply take effective precautions.

Condoms are effective
HPV vaccination is effective

Good enough for me.

No I'm not. The study you are talking about refers to previous studies linking HPV to cancer.

It also mentions that the participants with cancer during the study was such a small amount that they didn't even bother separating the types of cancer.

I'm not concerned at all.

No, that’s not true - the studies showed that there is an increased risk of cancer by 91% in women who have had ten or more sexual partners compared to women who have had 1-2, this is an almost double risk of cancer. In men it’s slightly lower, 70 something percent, these percentages are significant. They didn’t find any causation with it being only those who had HPV, it was one of the suggestions of causation, alongside other factors included other STI’s, and other causes- so no the conclusion is NOT that it is just linked to those with HPV. Having multiple partners though pretty much guarantees getting HPV as it is very common now, and would be pretty much a miracle for someone who has casual sex with multiple partners to not contract it! The studies found a significant increase in the risk of cancers due to multiple sex partners- end of! I imagine further studies would be done as is this is reasonably recent, the age group selected makes perfect sense as they are using a group of people who have had the time to develop some kind of sexual history, and for that to then lead someplace. Be in denial all you want, anyone can read up on the many many infections and diseases that they’ve most likely haven’t heard of that can be a result of casual sex.

I'm not in denial. I'm just not concerned.

The risk is still small.

Like I said, health consequences are just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the consequences of casual sex with multiple partners. The risk is not small, you’ve essentially doubled your chance of getting cancer by being promiscuous.

And the studies showed a statistically huge increase in a link between chronic illness in women (not men for some reason) who have had multiple sexual partners

Yes it is.

A 91% risk increase can still ultimately be a small risk and it is. They couldn't even separate the type of cancers in the study because they admitted that the numbers with cancer were small.

I'm still waiting for all of these very likely, big risk consequences you keep talking about. I think I'll be waiting for a very long time too.