Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

That’s incorrect. All dictionary definitions list ‘slut’ as an offensive word.

It’s classed as a derogatory term for a reason. Why use a derogatory term if you don’t wish to be offensive and attempt to shame people?

Women are far more likely to come to harm with a man that they know. Usually their current or ex partner.

Value is subjective. I value myself, I don’t consider sex to have anything to do with how I value myself as a person. I simply enjoyed having sex when I was single, that’s it.

Good lord, the superiority complex is strong with you.

So it’s safe is it for say your daughter to go back to the flat of some guy she’s just met in a bar? You wouldn’t be concerned about him getting violent? Raping her? Murdering her? Women would do well do value themselves in the same way we value our own daughters. Yes women are statistically more likely to be hurt by their actual partners but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen with men they briefly encounter as well.

Of course it happens, I never said it doesn’t. It’s also incredibly rare, one night stands with strangers aren’t rare and it’s incredibly unlikely that it will end in violence, rape and/or murder.

I have two daughters and I plan to trust their judgement. They may feel comfortable with it, they may not. Their sex life as consenting adults will have nothing to do with me.

This is a valid point. If women have no issue meeting a man in a bar or in a club for example in Ibiza where casual sex is prolific,would they be happy to tell a young daughter to feel free about casual sex."Your only young once and if you want a shag down on the beach alone in the dark so nobody sees you then go ahead" Are there no boundaries at all to casual sex in many women's eyes.
This thread tells me there aren't many because really 'its just a consensual shag'

OH FFS. My daughter is 18yrs next year, of course I worry about her and can only make sure she knows her worth, of course we can talk about sex but I can't control her 🙄.
I volunteer for a DV charity once a week. The majority of women I work with have been abused by long term partners, does it happen with ONS? Rarely, mainly because abuse is cultivated over time. Can you always trust your judgement with a ONS/first date, no you can only go on your instincts and try to make things as safe as possible (checks when you are talking to them before you meet etc), but also like has been mentioned so many times before on this thread, just because women who have admitted they slept with a first date or had a ONS, it doesn't mean there not selective or sleep with anything with a pulse. And actually some of the more recent threads from married women have been more shocking than those from single women.

There are various sexually transmitted diseases that condoms can’t protect against. HPV which increases the risk of cervical cancer is the most common one, many people carry HPV. Then there is herpes which is not 100% protected by condoms. Same with syphillis. Then you have other lesser known bacterial infections and parasitic infections. Then we have pelvic inflammatory disease which women can get when they have had many partners. There are a lot of risks, and it is not just harmless fun to put yourself at risk. Considering a lot of casual sex is spur of the moment, it’s unlikely that a lot of women are making good choices by even using contraception. I find it ridiculous that someone has commented that most violent acts are committed by men a woman knows, someone they have consented to casual sex with would fall under that bracket because they haven’t been attacked from behind, they have met that person and agreed to go home with them. It is dangerous 100%. For anyone that has kids, I hope you’re not exposing them to multiple sexual partners as this can be pretty damaging for them. A lot of casual sex encounters with people you don’t know, you are causing harm without often realising, a lot of these men will be married or have a partner, but you’ll never know about it. Honestly this is just the beginning of a long list of reasons why the word slut has even been invented, it’s just a word to describe someone who isn’t discerning with who they have sex with And have multiple sex partners. There are emotions consequences with all of this also. Even cold sores are generally transmitted from mouth to mouth contact, so the more partners you have the more you increase your chances there also. So to paint it as harmless fun really is a shallow take on it.

This is part and parcel of the general MN attitude to risk being extremely skewed. See also the threads of people terrified to come into London, the recent thread by someone terrified that her adult son was walking 15 minutes home at 1am.

No, I wasn't terrified about going to men's flats to have sex with them. I'm not terrified of being the victim of a terrorist attack whenever I go into central London either. I'm not terrified of walking home at night. I know bad things happen, I know how to assess risk and I'm capable of making judgment calls. Not being terrified of a minuscule risk that I've actively considered already is being sensible, not cheap.

Like... your train of logic is just baffling.

The more risk you take the less you value yourself?

Is this just about sex or does it apply to things like extreme sports? Life decisions?

🙄🙄🙄

I always used two forms of contraception. Pill and condoms. If a man didn’t want to use a condom then I wouldn’t sleep with him. Never had any issues.

Of course there’s a difference between a man who is your husband or ex partner and a man you don’t know but went back to their flat with. Going back to his flat doesn’t make him someone you suddenly know.

The only person responsible for cheating is the person doing the cheating. If someone is determined to cheat, they are going to do it no matter what.

Why would one night stands be anywhere near children? Especially if it happens during a night out when the children are sleeping.

Professionals are only too aware of this.Thankfully we have STD clinics which are never short of visitors. As you have so wisely mentioned condoms do not protect people from all sexually transmited diseases. Unfortunately this is not often understood until it's too late. There is a lot of 'heads burried in the sand' nowadays.

This is true, and we do have std clinics, but they don’t test for and pick up on everything, something like pelvic inflammatory disease for example can make a woman infertile and is very hard to pick up on until it’s too late, there aren’t any specific tests for it. It can also be asymptomatic. There are various other womens health problems that can be triggered by multiple sex partners that are similar in them not being routinely tested for. Some women suffer from constant bouts of cystitis and other vaginal complications, like BV, which can also be in many cases attributed to multiple sex partners. You only have to look up what infections can be picked up from when sharing towels with someone, which you won’t generally be sharing towels with a stranger unless there’s some sexual intimacy there. The fact is that it’s not good clean fun, and if you are someone that has multiple partners and are shagging someone else who has multiple partners and casual sex, your risk increase for so many infections and diseases that you don’t even know the name of, and may never know that you carry.

I also agree with the poster who said sex on a first date is different to sex with someone you’ve just met. You could know someone for years and date them and be totally into each other before you have your first date. This happens and to me is different to actively seeking out casual sexual encounters with strangers/ ending up shagging someone randomly, and that being your lifestyle.

Im 100% entitled to think it’s gross, I don’t live by the woke rulebook, which fails to aknoweldge the scientific evidence of damage to people’s physical and mental health that comes from multiple sex partners.

I’m not sure how waiting until the 10th date cures someone of HPV though

I can't believe anyone's still engaging with the clearly disingenuous posters in this thread. It's so obvious what they're doing.

There is no-one to be pitied here.

Im child free by choice So have always doubled up on contraception

Absolutely why I stopped, the escalation from seemingly normal debate to outright disingenuousness was wild.

It doesn’t, but the point is using condoms doesn’t protect someone’s sexual health for many diseases and infections, and multiple partners not only increases the risk, but for some diseases multiple partners can be the direct cause - like Pelvic inflammatory disease. When you don’t have a lifestyle of casual sex you can be more mindful about testing for many things prior to sex, and making a decision with a long term partner about how to deal with any outcomes. Multiple sex partners and casual sex with strangers is the fastest way to many health issues that you may never know is directly related to your lifestyle.

Both physically and mentally

I’m sure some people on the thread will think on these things, and you can ignore what I’ve said if you choose, that’s fine. I’ll step away from the post now as I’ve made my clear points.

Why would they? Especially considering you see them nothing more than loose and a slut and other negative terms. That certainly isn't going to reach anyone and have them reconsider things.

They will likely make their points, just as you have and simply move on from the thread when it has finished.

I don't know which posters are being referred to here. To end my own contribution I'll add there is nothing disingenuous about pointing out the very real health issues associated with random one night stands or sex on the first date with a stranger. Parisianparty may be coming across as a partypooper
but her post about STDs can't be denied.

100%. I could list all the risks of travelling by car. Number of fatalities/injuries, drunk/drugged/uninsured drivers, brake failure or engine catching fire, breaking down on a lonely road at night, environmental damage, risk of killing an animal or child who darts out in front of you etc. Does that mean you’d never drive anywhere? Do you think of everything that could wrong, and all the bad drivers on the road, every time you get in a car?

I could say the same for setting up your own business. Or getting your hair lightened.

Life is one big risk. People are killed in random accidents every day. I’ve lived long enough to learn the key to leading a full, exciting life, full of opportunity, is focusing on the positives and managing risk in a sensible way. Not focussing on all the things that could go wrong, so ruling things out entirely. Granted, we all have different comfort zones for risk. And that’s fine. I respect that. Confidence is linked to risk.

But risk-averse people who argue people who take more risks than them (by doing something that’s statistically a low risk, such as a ONS) somehow don’t value or respect themselves, or can be judged as the equivalent of a ‘slut’, are IMHO being puritanical and unreasoned.