Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

Absolutely nowhere does the study state that they admitted the numbers with cancers were small and so didn’t bother to seperate them, you’ve literally just made that up. The test showed a link between multiple sex partners and an almost doubling of the risk of cancer, and that’s in subjects with 10 + partners, the findings were that the lower the number of partners the lower the risk as they also look at people with lower and slightly higher number of partners. The study includes a survey of black men with 25+ partners which could increase the risk by up to 6 times greater of getting cancer - so it seems the findings show the greater number of partners the greater the risk, rather than it just doubling the risk and stopping there. The study is here- and nowhere does it state what you have said.

srh.bmj.com/content/familyplanning/46/2/100.full.pdf

Like any study they can only make assumptions from the data, many other factors could be taken into consideration, but the findings most definitely point towards increased risk of cancer in people who are promiscuous. most likely they did thus study for various reasons. Cervical cancer for example is almost always because of hpv, and multiple partners increases the risk- they know this and have for many years.

Take whatever risks you like, many things cause cancer. My dislike of casual sex is not health related anyway, I was just pointing out a few facts about it being actually disgusting, and that people who are promiscuous most definitely do carry the risk of tons of different infections and diseases that they might not even be aware they have and increase their risk of cancer and chronic illness.

Are people really going to counselling over feeling bad for “using someone for sex”? Is this common? This thread has taken an odd turn.

In my experience it’s the other way around, a range of problems stemming from promiscuity. I have never come across someone who felt guilty for using others for sex, but certainly that they felt guilty for other things associated with certain individuals they had had sex with that they later discovered things about. The main recurring issue that comes up is an inability to connect through sex, feelings if disconnect with partner because of inability to share who they are and have been, feeling used themselves, understanding that their promiscuity came from childhood sexual/emotional abuse, and relationship abuse etc.

@Parisianparty you really really need therapy and I’d personally never ever seek you out as a councillor ever as your views are judgemental and at times downright nasty

as for STD/I you can get one from the first time having sex or after the 100th time

safe sex works and if having a ons you’ll find 99.9% have safe sex not throw caution to the wind.

as for Pelvic inflammatory disease that’s caused by unprotected sex not protected by a condom same with HPV as well.

I do not engage in casual sex and that is my choice but I do not judge others for their different choices.

But I think your answers are very telling and are revealing way more about you than you think.

I can sugar coat facts if you like? Isn’t really helpful though is it?

Facts what facts do please show is these facts @Parisianparty and not some study done on 30 women as that doesn’t count at all.

It does. Also, it admits that they found those who have casual sex are also more likely to smoke and drink alcohol which can also cause cancer.

It is very obvious that your dislike of casual sex has nothing to do with the actual health of other people.

Of course that’s going to be your experience if you are some kind of therapist.

Many people don’t have that experience at all and you never come across them because they don’t need therapy.

We do not all drink and smoke. I don't. The last two guys I met online don't.

I am probably going to match with more who don't drink, as there are those who find it difficult to believe you can have a good time if sober and so will ignore me - and I will ignore those who look like heavy drinkers (moderate is fine.)

Causality matters

Does engaging in casual sex lead to an increased risk of cancer, or is there a common link between the two things (alcohol and tobacco as mentioned above for eg, I also know that - anecdotally - friends of mine who swing are more likely to have existing health problems. Maybe people with poor health are more likely to seize the day rather than wait to live their life?)

Also, does a casual attitude to sex cause narcissism, or does narcissism cause a lax attitude towards cheating. I know which looks more likely to me, but even then maybe there is a common link rather than a direct causal link.

I'm either very lucky or the risk isn't as great as you think, given the amount of sexual encounters I've had and the lack of any STDs. (And also, for that matter, the lack of any violent or threatening behaviour from any of the men I ever hooked up with casually; I have been sexually harassed, and felt under threat, much more in supposedly professional and work-related environments. So by your logic the real risk I'm taking is in going out to work.)

If @Parisianparty is a therapist I pity her clients because of her holier than now judgemental attitude.

*holier than thou

Are you as judgemental and superior-feeling with whatever clients it is that you have as you are on this thread, then?

Why goad people? Honestly I fail to understand what your point is. You don't agree with casual encounters, that's ok. YOU don't have to have casual encounters. I sense though that its less about other peoples morals or health than it is more about how you feel about yourself as a woman (healthy I imagine) and what relationships mean to you from a physical perspective.

Sex doesnt mean love for most people. It can mean fun, fondness, affection, boredom, dislike but attracted to, pity, fulfilling a physical need.

I think the real issue here is that you have had relationships with men who have disappointed you in some way - has one perhaps commented on your lack of skills in intimacy or perhaps cheated on you? Telling people that they are likely to get a like limiting disease because of a ONS with Joe from the local pub is wild!. Perhaps look more towards how you feel about yourself and why you seem to have hatred for other women, name calling being one of the ways you articulate this. I think you are sad and lonely and really would benefit from help from a counsellor who lives in the real world and wont judge you for your bitterness but will help you move on from it.

there are loads of really nice guys out there who may or may not have enjoyed a more liberal approach to sex that you have. Doesn't make them dangerous or morally bankrupt. Seek help

Judgemental over a mistake in my grammar says it all really.

@Pippin24 I would agree. the number of posts would suggest the topic is triggering due to the exhusband and the views are extreme, the worst case scenario every single time.

I agree also. She is very unwell I think.

Whatever makes you feel better- I just have a strongly held opinion that people who engage in frequent casual sex are mentally unstable, have deeper issues, have a warped view of relationships and love, and are not a good bet in terms of investing in a future with. Promiscuity is actually one symptom of a few different mental illnesses.

Treating people as objects, lacking discernment, thinking of sex as fucks rather than something more important than that, getting a reputation, not being trusted secretly by people you know because you put out with all and sundry, taking health and safety risks, potentially destroying other relationships because you don’t know the people you are fucking from Adam, or their life situation, and the list goes on. Being unable to share with a partner what sex actually is to you, and how many people you’ve given it to because deep down you do feel ashamed.

You can disagree if you choose to- you think I’m mental, and I think you are- this is the product of living in a world with varied world views. The original post has evolved into a deeper discussion on it. I think you will need to accept that the world is full of people who think the same as me…..just as I will accept the world is full of people like you. I use my ex as an example because living with someone with a promiscuous mindset who spent years engaging in meaningless casual sex, is not a meeting of minds, it is a waste for the person who thinks deeper, and most leopards do not change their spots. The amount of threads on this forum about cheating, and never ever does the woman or man just say to their partner- I just fancied a bit of variety, I was bored and the opportunity arose, and it’s how I lived my life for many years so I just went for it hoping you wouldn’t find out. That would be the truth in a lot of cases. I’m just blunt, and you don’t like it- and that is fine, my ex didn’t like it either, but he wants it back badly, so - his loss. Treat people as objects and think in a shallow way, while trying to psychoanalyse others- why don’t you psychoanalyse yourself?

I just thought if you’ve been saying “holier than now” all your life, now might be the time to know what the expression is. Like my friend who used to sing the dido song “I will go down with fishes” instead of “I will go down with this ship”, eventually we had to correct her

Being unable to share with a partner what sex actually is to you, and how many people you’ve given it to because deep down you do feel ashamed.

I don't even know how many men and women I've had sex with 🤷🏼‍♀️ my DP is well aware of this, no shame here.

I'm autistic though, so no doubt my attitude to sex is pathological in your expert opinion. 🤣

As for my ex, no he didn’t comment on my “lack of skills” he couldn’t get enough, said I was the most creative and sexy woman he ever met, which I fully believe. Having sex with multiple partners does NOT make you good at it. He was the one who lacked creativity, because he had base instincts, having never stuck with anyone long enough to truly learn what a woman wants and needs. This mistaken idea that you are good in bed because you’ve screwed a lot of people is hilarious. I loved him very much so I didn’t care about the “lack of skill” but just enjoyed all of what we had. Yes he was a cheat, have you seen a cheating man cry? Neither have I, as I never saw his face again when I found out all his lies. I just have contempt for shallow people, if I still loved him then I’d feel pain- but what you’re picking up on is contempt, and my ex is my perfect case study of why it doesn’t work with promiscuous people,

I have a couple of friends I sleep with (not together) - we know we wouldn't work as a relationship, but if we're both single and geography / work / other work aligns, we'll spend time giving each other pleasure. It's mutual pleasure, and it's not serious, but it's not meaningless either. It is literally friends with benefits. And better than a vibrator (though using one together can also be fun.)