Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

No one deserves to be physically abused by their parent.

There was absolutely no need to throw the remote at your daughter in the first place. She took that as a green light from you to go ahead and defend herself.

Ask yourself this, all the behavioural traits that you hate about your dd are ones that you're displaying yourself. I could argue that she's learnt it from you & responding in the only way she know how to. All the combatative behaviour is something she's observed from you. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case, so what are you going to do about this?

First of all, you need to apologise to your DD and to your other children who witnessed this. You are the adult and no matter what the situation, you need to control your temper and walk away if feeling that angry. Do you need help to address anger management issues?

If I were you, I would look into some parenting classes and therapy. It sounds like you have a difficult relationship with your daughter, you need to look at ways to improve this.

She's 16 so having a messy room is not unusual - is it worth having a strained relationship with your daughter over? Getting a part time job is a good idea but can you or DH help with applications, writing up a CV or going round local shops/restaurants to ask about vacancies? It's quite a lot to expect a 16 year old to just go out and get a job on their own.

You're not a piece of shit. Don't ever think that. You're just overwhelmed atm and teenage DC do know how to push us to our limits.

I'm saying this as a mum who had to involve social services and the police when my DC were teens because I was desperate for help.

If you can, take a deep breath and try and find some calm in yourself. Then, go somewhere private with your DD or take her to a cafe, somewhere neutral, apologise and be honest. Say you're finding her behaviour challenging, ask how you can work together to make both of your lives easier. I know that sounds a bit like giving her control, and it's bloody hard, but if you can start communicating, it will make things easier.

Also, things like her room being a tip, shut the door and don't go in there. I had to do this and, without fail, every two weeks my pain in the ass teen would disappear with bin bags, dusters and polish and reappear to put the washing machine on, wash plates and take out rubbish.

Just try and remember that you are the adult. You've totally got this.

Sounds like she deserved it?

Fucking hell. Of course you need to move out. You attacked your daughter. If this was a dad attacking his daughter, how many people would say she deserved it??

She's 16 and this is her "D"M. Victim blaming a 16 yo girl is not an attractive look.

This.
And I'm the fucking last person on Earth to defend
a man.

Can’t believe what I’m reading on here. OP is the adult. She assaulted her child.
You need to leave the home so your daughter is safe from you. It’s gone beyond family counselling.

OP I assume you've posted because you feel terrible and want to hand the posters of MN a massive stick to beat you with.

So many people saying it is normal for teenagers to be messy.

This a teenager who's destroying things eg new carpet and water damage.

That's not normal and shouldn't be accepted as normal.

She sounds like a normal 16 year old. You need therapy and are lucky you didn't get reported to the police.

leaving taps on and hair straighteners is absolutely par for the course in teenagers

I can’t help wondering if this is the first time you’ve ever hit one of your DC?
I can’t fathom how it could escalate to such violence towards a child if the odd smack isn’t perceived as normal already…?

If it was a man doing it would be so why is this any different maybe if thry called the police you would get help

Nothing is an excuse

What you did was wrong but it's now how you deal with it that matters. You can turn it around, don't let a dreadful mistake define the future for you all.

Also, do you drink? I feel like this could easily be linked to alcohol...

You need to leave.

The daughter sounds like she needs to be more respectful. It’s very hurtful when you work hard to give your children a comfortable pleasant home and they trash it.
But, it is never ever okay to physically attack your child.

Men and women aren't the same. People on this forum are always reminding us of this fact.

This.

What? What if she did it to ANY other 16 year old? You don't get to be violent just because they are your children.

@Howdull
Can't believe your post was deleted.
Kid gloves like this is why kids punch their own mothers in the stomach.