Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

Or, she’s feeling terrible and thinks that coming on here self-flagellating will prompt others to say “you’re not a shit parent” (as some have already).

I'd be more concerned about learned violence, personally.

A child raised by a parent who thinks it's okay to throw things "as a warning" and who then goes on to assault them (to the point that their other children and husband need to intervene) is going to be traumatised. And I very much doubt this is a one off.

i feel for the poor girl with the broken bed and the aggressive mother, the op@Awfulmother1

Ah, fantasist okay.

Unhinged both of you.

This is really bad. You both need some support. You assaulted a minor in her own home where she should be safe. so sad 😞

Middle class wokeness?!??? 😂 I've heard it all now. Have a word with yourself.

You need to leave the home.

It is not fair that a child is getting attacked in their own home because their parent can’t control their temper.

She cannot leave but you can.

If you feel any sort of remorse then you would leave until you have sorted your anger out.

I have a feeling that you don’t feel remorse though and instead are trying to justify it/pass some of the blame onto her and your DH.

No wonder your DH sticks up for DD, even they have a violent bully of a mother making their lives miserable.
At least they have 1 decent parent.

You're already being given an "out" on here. You're "at the end of your tether" and it must be your DH fault some how for indulging her, she must deserve this somehow because of her behaviour 🙄
If this was a man he would have had his arse handed to him immediately. You're abusive and you should be leaving, even if temporarily, to keep your children safe.

Oh and to add, the anger and rage you feel could be a symptom of PTSD or anxiety (I have both diagnosed and in the past have had a horrible temper and terrible impulse control). It’s important you address this and to not excuse what you’ve done by putting it down to mental health. I used to be vile and volatile, especially while in EMDR therapy (I’d relive trauma for an hour then go into work and be horrible to everyone around me, I was bang it of order), but part of it was realising that it’s not other people’s job to accommodate for me being a prick because of it. I quickly had to stop that and learn techniques to be calmer for the wellbeing of everyone around me, because they deserved better. Seek help if you’re not already.

My 16 year daughter is the same. Very demanding and doesn’t do a thing around the house. She starts 6th form this week so hoping to see a lot of maturity over the next two years.

How old are you? It could be the start of menopause that is making you less tolerant of a teen girl. I’d speak to your GP. Don’t suffer. Menopause can creep up on you like a dark shadow and plays havoc with a woman’s physiological and emotional state. All sorts happened to me!

Hope your daughter is ok. Try and spend some time on your own for your own mental health.

Agree with this.

I've seen situations like this before. (Worked with teens for many a year!)

Without fail each and every time it's been the children witnessing the father abusing the mother and thinking the lack of respect towards them is the norm.

That NEVER excuses the mum for physically hurting the child. And I agree with all the PP who say you need to move out. And you need to move out now.

The children need to remain with their father.

What will then happen is the situation will become clearer.

Not once has the situation been that the dad is then happy to be the bad cop. He hasn't wanted the responsibility of the childcare raising where he has to enforce boundaries.

The children see their parents without the abuse and the relationship heirachy changes. They often need their mum for security. They crave the boundaries.

But the whole dynamic is fucked up if your 16yo thinks it's ok to shush you and her father doesn't correct her behaviour and tell her to treat you with respect.

But OP seriously move out NOW. there is never an excuse for physical violence and the fact you are now there means your children aren't safe and neither are you. There is no reason you can't move forward from this but it won't happen all the time you are living under the same roof.

Oh my goodness, how awful. There's a good chance you won't be able to repair your relationship. You both need therapy to process this.

You should be getting a lot more support from her father in managing her bad behaviour. What you did was wrong, but he should have been helping you deal with her, not indulging her.

Yes you are a fantasist.

My PTSD and GAD was diagnosed 6 years ago after I had what they called a standing breakdown. My GP wanted me to be admitted to an in patient facility but as I had no family support it wasn't possible. Instead the community mental health nurse visited me every day for eight months. I have tried CBT in the past with limited success and medications don't work, just make me feel like a zombie. I have been permanently signed of work and will never work again.

My DH treats DD16 differently than the other two. I would be closer to them. Sometimes it can be very much them and us. As DD14 is getting older though she is getting more like DD16.

My two daughters tell me that everybody hates me.

I actually thought about packing up and moving far away on my own and leave them all. I couldn't leave DS12 though.

I too think you should leave the family home and have supervised contact with your children, at least under you've completed therapy and anger management.
It sounds like you're not coping very well.
Her behaviour will continue because her father is enabling her but how long will it be until you blow up again?

I had sympathy for you until I read this.

You attacked your own child and won’t move out?! That’s just despicable. Regardless of what mental health issues you have, your children come first.

Your desire to stay in your house does not trump her right to be safe in her own home.

I can understand how people get to that stage.
However, exercising the violence is a 'totally different animal '.

Well I dont know why everyone is coming down on the OP, yes she shouldñt have hit her DD but her DD dosnt sound like typical teenager even if some on here say she is, she sounds like a right madam and has pushed her Mother to the limit. I have no advice unlike all the clever people on here, but I hope it all calms down and gets sorted.

I agree with you. She has a right to a safe home and needs time to process what happened.

I agree with this , if it had been her dad that attacked er mn would ( rightly) be saying ltb , kick him out , call the police etc .
@Awfulmother1 I get that peranting is bloody tough and dcs will push every button they can but violence on either side is never the answer.

Have you got somewhere else you can live for a while ?
Get help , for yourself and dd .

it would be better for you all if you were living separately i feel

OP, is this the first time you have responded violently to your daughter?