Physically attacked my DD16

[Awfulmother1]

Nc, feel disgusted and hate myself. I seriously physically attacked my DD16 yesterday causing her ear to bleed where she had earrings in. I'm vile, not fit to be called a mother and should have never had children. I'm ruining their lives. I'm a piece of shit.

@DoreenonTill8 I don't quite read it that way, so no not like OP

Exactly. OP said she’s been under the care of mental health teams for 8 years. I really feel for OP. I hope she gets the help she needs.
However the sudden revelation that her husband has been abusive and her daughters tell her “everyone hates you” seems off. And I don’t believe being seen by two pyschiarists and the social workers and gardaí on a Sunday night. Even with private healthcare.

Op isn’t owning it.

Op claims there no fitter action to be taken (which I don’t believe) because the authorities Can see when someone has been provoked.

Now how anyone would come to that conclusion with only speaking with the person who committed assault is suspect. But op clearly believes that assaulting her child wasn’t wrong and she don’t deserve any further action because her daughter pushed her into it.

’I am sorry, I take full responsibility, but you provoked me and here’s a full list of reasons I am the victim’ isn’t taking full responsibility.

The Op has talked about how great the support is from MH services has been for the last 8 years. Who supported the Mental health of the child? Who advocated for her when she was 8, 9, 10? Who got her mental health support? Neither parent.

Op hasn’t mentioned the fact that her daughter, clearly, also has huge issues. What help they have sought for her. But plenty about all her own problems and how everyone else has caused her problems and caused her to assault her own child.

Children can be very unpleasant sometimes. So can parents. So can mothers. And they can, sometimes fail their children completely. They sometimes abuse their children.

Not one person would suggest a child did something to deserve it if the father had assaulted a child. Or ‘well children can be unpleasant sometimes so probably didn’t feel like he was dealing with a child when he assaulted her’

Oh @SwiftiesVSLestat mnet would be FULL of handholding and #wearewithyou for that poor poor man with the abusive child of course!!

100%
it’s really odd how the narrative is now “poor mum, browbeaten by her family, they forced you to do this”. Maybe they are awful but as @SwiftiesVSLestat said if a dad had done this.l the narrative would be very different.

Absolutely! Not only that, but if a dad came on here and gave the same narrative he would be told he was a cocklodger, told to get back to work, he should be grateful his wife is providing for him including paying for private health insurance for him. His wife is clearly overcompensating with the daughters because he favours the son. His wife is long suffering for having to put up with him being lazy and at home when his children are all teens, that mental health is no excuse not to work even part-time. He's responsible for his own behaviour and shouldn't be provoked so easily.

And I doubt that any would make excuses for him attacking his daughter even if it were a mental health crisis.

The mob would be demanding his head on a pike.

The double standards and victim blaming on this post is astounding.

I’m glad you have sought support and I hope it’s recognised that you are being mentally abused by your H and your DS’s who are it seems showing signs of parental abuse. Your H is revelling in being the ‘good parent’ and supports and possibly groomed them to validate his treatment of you. Teenagers are difficult and I can see why you snapped, but your DS’s will always have the upper hand now and until they and your H can develop some empathy , this will be a long road. Obviously hitting a 16 year old should not happen, but they are also victims of H’s treatment, who is a complete shit BTW.

You can at least recognise the difference between right and wrong , H shouldn’t be in your life and only in your children’s when he’s a positive influence.

I hope this is a first step to healing and finding peace, you’ve been dealt some crap life cards xx

Or, given that they’re trained professionals, they’ll see through the manipulation in an instant.

You need anger management support for yourself and refer to social services for family support. It sounds like she's showing signs of lacking respect with her behaviour, but discipline should have started long ago. It's a bit late to get on top of it now and should never escalate to violence or aggression. Her throwing the remote back at you is learned behaviour from you so you've only got yourself to blame.

According to this professional they won't bother even checking the children are OK, because mum says alls fine.
Unfortunately because of stretched services they won’t always speak to a child because they didn’t raise it. Not saying it’s right; ive worked with children who are repeatedly hit by their caregivers without social care becoming involved.

I've just gone through everything OP says about her DH. I think they are two completely separate entities who happen to share kids and a house. I don't think either of them particularly like the other and they definitely are not a unit. Whether that's his fault, hers or both, who knows. But they do not like each other let alone support each other.

She resents him for working too much when he's been the sole earner and self employed for around 12 years. She doesn't like that he's the fun parent despite the fact he probably is to counter act her shouty nature and the fact that she is very open about how miserable she is.
He doesn't understand or support OP with her MH conditions. He seemingly just doesn't make much effort to better understand her.

TBH, the marriage is dead.

I Hooe you're OK OP. It sounds like a horrible situation for you but your Dh & dd's also need to take responsibility for their parts in this too. I hope you get the help that you need.