Partners family won’t accept me

[FlowerKL]

I met my partner at work last year. Our situation is slightly complicated in that he was married and his wife was pregnant. They ended up splitting up before the baby was born and we left things for a couple of months and then started seeing each other regularly once the baby was born.

The problem now is his family won’t accept me. He’s recently moved in with me and my son, but his parents won’t have anything to do with me and I’m not welcome.

I know the timing of us getting together is bad, I feel bad about it but we fell in love and they are now divorced.
I don’t know how to manage the situation, he was very close to his family. He is happy to support me and stay together, even if it means losing his family in the meantime. Will things settle over time? Is there anything that I can do to try to make amends?

Ignoring all the affair stuff (😳) you’ve moved this man in with your own dc in under a year?! What on earth are you thinking? He’s just fresh out of a marriage, has a young baby and you’ve rushed it. Way too fast for all of it. No wonder his family is shocked.

There’s really very little to be said that hasn’t already been pointed out. Except… you are a mother yourself. You have been pregnant, you have had a baby, presumably with someone you loved and wanted a future with (at least hopefully). How can you not have empathy in this situation with a woman who was blind-sighted and left when heavily pregnant? One year is nothing. She has a small baby and her hopes of a happy marriage and family have been stolen from her. It is incredibly selfish at best. As someone who is five months pregnant with a one year old of my own, this is literally my worst nightmare. I would never forgive someone who did this to me or my children, and I’d hope their family would understand that and feel similarly. It sounds like they are decent people who are understandably very disappointed in their son, who is quite frankly a pathetic excuse for a man. Please remember this when he starts shagging the next young thing at work.

God, so many sayings are coming to mind.

Fuck around and find out...

You made your bed now lie in it...

I say good for them for holding firm on their morals and boundaries. Presumably if your partner is not seeing his child much, the decisions you've both made are also affecting their relationship with their grandchild as well?

And she didn't participate?
It seems like they are a match for each other.

It sounds like he had an affair with you while his wife was pregnant.

Of course his family are not going to be overjoyed.

'Slightly complicated'. What a vile way to address the fact that you slept with a married man whose wife was pregnant!

His family have every right to be disgusted in him for cheating on his pregnant wife, who WAS a part of their family and who will remain linked to them as she is the mother of their Grandchild. She is more family to them than you may ever be. I don't blame them for not wanting to know a woman who will sink so low as to have an affair with him, either.

Have fun being love's young dream but remember - if he cheated with you, he'll likely cheat on you.

I'd be watching him like a hawk if you ever decide to have a baby with him.

Yuk.

What a shit to leave his pregnant wife. Why are you with him? Have some self respect and leave before he does the same to you.

If I was his family I'd have no interest in meeting you, why bother when you'll likely be temporary too.

So are his family not getting to see / spend time with his child then? That must be devastating for them. To have a baby that they were so looking forward to and then being cut out of its life because their child decides to cheat.

Not sure that I could ever forgive that.

You only met him last year. During that time, he's left his wife and his child, 'waited a couple of months' and then announced that he's divorced and with you now, all in the space of a year? Eighteen months at the very most?

I'm not surprised they're not keen to 'accept' you at this point - you had an affair with him while he was married to his pregnant wife, and you've only actually been seeing him for about a five minutes. As far as they're concerned, they don't even know if you're likely to be a permanent fixture. And neither do you.

this

Cue the OP disappearing once she realises there's no "good way" to spin this sordid tale.

"Slightly complicated"?! You both deserve each other. How old is your son though? Have you even factored his wellbeing into this shitshow?!

It is understandable that they see you as someone who helped break a marriage.

The fact that his ex-wife was pregnant at the time you met him really does not help your cause either.

What I am curious about though is why would you want to get with a man who was married and had a child of the way?

What makes you think he won't do exactly the same thing to you?

I know you won’t, but please please come back and update the thread when he leaves you

Tough

This, exactly. He sounds awful
and should be focusing on his newborn not jumping into another relationship

Well you've proved your character to his family. Any woman that has no problem breaking up a marriage especially when the wife is pregnant says a LOT about the person you are!! He is just as bad, but because of what has happened they probably blame you for not being able to see their grandchild

Getting involved with a man who has a partner and baby on the way, then moving him in with your young son will obviously reflect badly on your character. It comes across that you put your own wants / needs ahead of the needs of young children.

There’s nothing you can do other than hope that time passing softens their views.

No. Nothing at all. At the moment they are upset that their son left their DiL and his child for another woman and has now set up house with her playing happy families as though their GC and DiL are disposable. They are probably decent people who take a dim view of this. As tends to be the way, rather than squarely blame their wrong un of a relative, they are sharing it out with you. They don't have to love you like they do him. They don't have to like you. So they're not. In time if the guy sticks with you, it's likely that bit by bit they will thaw. But there's nothing you can do to speed that up so I'd keep my head down if I were you.

fair enough they don't need to accept you. he literally had a family just had a baby why would they accept you and a kid instead of wanting him to be with his own family. fell in love? well i'm sure he loved his wife as well. until you came along cause love doesn't come from nowhere. so you knewing he was cheating is a bit grim. and don't get surprised if he does the same to you. it's vile doing that to a pregnant or post partum woman

He is a loser to have cheated on his pregnant wife with you. Did you not think of how his wife would feel whilst you were having an affair with her husband? Absolutely no respect there. The family is right to distance themselves from you and your partner. The prize you won is looking after your partner’s child whilst he relaxes. He’s got away with newborn care so he’s not going to be bothered with young child care when it’s his parenting time. You are there and how convenient and with no family support. Well done you. At least the cheated on wife can meet someone decent whilst you deal with the dregs and look after their child.

What you’re experiencing here is the consequences of your choices and actions. Unfortunately for you, you just need to accept those consequences and live with them. His family likely loathe you, see you as scum and have zero interest in setting eyes on you - and what you need to understand is that you don’t get to decide that this will change, you are not in control here. You cannot ‘solve’ or ‘fix’ what are the very natural consequences of you doing a shitty thing. People don’t like you for it. You are not entitled to their time, respect or attention just because you feel you deserve it. You need to accept that.

Its quite simple really, if you want people to like, respect or welcome you into their lives you need to not go around having affairs with married expectant fathers and then shacking up with them 🤷‍♀️ Not sure why that’s so hard to understand…

couldn't say better 👍👍👍 they settle for this cheating scums thinking they are different. one day it will be them

I was just hoping that someone could offer a solution to help make amends with his family

Dump his arse and write them a grovelling letter. It still won't be enough because you've shown what you are really like.

The children will have permanent emotional scars from his father's disgusting behaviour. What kind of role model are you giving your own offspring??

It’s probably best to accept they’re never going to be at all keen on you, all things considered.

You can’t make amends, OP. It’s not complicated. You behaved incredibly badly and showed not a shred of decency.

Even amongst women who are willing to have affairs with married men, I think most would draw the line at having an affair with a married man while his wife is pregnant or parenting his tiny DCs and is therefore at her most vulnerable. If only because a man who will cheat on his pregnant wife or on a wife who has just had his baby will cheat on anyone. He’s a bastard for having the affair but you didn’t have to be the one he cheated with.

You’ve shown you have no moral standards, OP. Of course his family won’t accept you. You have nothing to offer. As a PP said, the position may change if you’re still around in 10 years’ time but there’s a good chance he’ll have cheated on you long before that, and perhaps you will have cheated on him.