Partners family won’t accept me

[FlowerKL]

I met my partner at work last year. Our situation is slightly complicated in that he was married and his wife was pregnant. They ended up splitting up before the baby was born and we left things for a couple of months and then started seeing each other regularly once the baby was born.

The problem now is his family won’t accept me. He’s recently moved in with me and my son, but his parents won’t have anything to do with me and I’m not welcome.

I know the timing of us getting together is bad, I feel bad about it but we fell in love and they are now divorced.
I don’t know how to manage the situation, he was very close to his family. He is happy to support me and stay together, even if it means losing his family in the meantime. Will things settle over time? Is there anything that I can do to try to make amends?

People like OP have absolutely no clue as to the destruction and devastation they bring. The horrors they inflict. It happened to me and I will never be the same. Let alone as a mum with a new baby, having a disabled toddler was difficult enough. Absolute scumbag shitty behaviour. An act of violence. No wonder OP has disappeared. She's so deluded she thought she was going to get lots of sympathy!

Maybe, in time.
I think it would be prudent to consider what they have lost, a secure and solid family unit for their son and their (very likely) longed for and loved grandchild growing up in a secure family. It will likely long term be difficult for them to see their grandchild, once lives move on and they will be heartbroken right now.

Yes it was their son who left his family, but you are a mitigating factor in all of this.

To have a chance, and be prepared it may take years, to keep peace, dignity, biting your tongue over and over and a lot of patience even when it seems difficult.
i would be guarded, a man who would do that shows little regard for the sanctity of marriage or family.

Well you've posted on a forum for women that you are the OW that caused someone so much pain... you're going to be attacked.

Have you no guilt at all ?
Or do you feel so superior as someone left his family for you so you must be so amazing and worth so much more than them.
Well if it wasn't you it would have been someone else with the same standards I suppose.
How on earth do you explain all this to your son. He must be so confused ?

The cracks must be starting to show now as you want to repair his relationship with his family.
Then when his little daughter has a new father figure in her life he won't like that and will cause problems too.
Does he not feel guilty playing daddy to your child while not seeing his own.
Good luck for the hard times ahead (sarcastically)

@Nanny0gg You're acting as if the positive, supportive, upbeat comment I wrote for OhPea - and it's pretty obvious, I've put her name at the start of it so as everyone can see who I'm addressing, just like I've done for you here - you've looked at the nice thing I've said to someone else, performed some Olympic gold medal winning mental gymnastics, and now you're acting like everything I said was somehow a spiteful, vicious attack which I wrote for the sole purpose of hurting you.

You've done the exact same thing to two other people just on that same page - you've launched personal attacks against them as "punishment" for them being "out to get you" even though the conversation they were involved in was absolutely nothing to do with you or what you've said in the slightest, and I dread to think what I'd see if I looked at the eleven previous pages. That is massively unfair and unkind of you.. I've got broad shoulders and thick skin, but how do you think the other people you attacked might have felt?

And just for the record, no, I don't care that two consenting adults got married, had a baby, and it didn't work out. I don't care one single iota about the woman or about the baby - not my circus, not my monkeys. Nor do I care about banks repossessing houses that aren't paid for or finance companies repossessing cars, people with diabetes, extinction of left handed giraffes in southern north Rhodesia, or the lack of NHS dentists. Not that I'm uncaring of course - my DW comes first over and above everything, then our kids, then my house, finances, friends, family, veteran's rights, and so on. I don't care about things which don't affect me, like people who's relationships didn't work out as they'd hoped or people who choose to make that one relationship going sour be the entire of their personality, just the same as you don't care about me.

I'm sorry that your husband didn't enjoy the relationship and decided there was only so long he could live with putting someone else's demands above his own happiness. That doesn't mean I'm apologising for what happened to you or implying in some way that what happened to you is somehow my problem, as I'm sure you're very well aware an expression of sorrow for another person's loss and an apology are entirely different things.

I hope you find the peace you need and are able to move on with your life soon - and I say that part genuinely and sincerely.

What you both have done is appalling.

And now you’ve bought into the “nasty mum won’t let him see the child”.

Yes, because she’s a baby who needs the tight bonds of her nuclear family, not get shipped off to some other family whom she doesn’t know. (That’s right. She doesn’t know you and I can’t see how she would know him, since he’s never lived with her since she came home from the hospital).

If I were her mother, I would be very careful about letting the baby around you both and would highly restrict contact, too.

You are both disgusting.

The mother can’t ’highly restrict contact’ if it goes to court.

What OP did was start a relationship, as a single woman, with a separated man. As much as some would clearly like to believe they were having an affair, there’s zero evidence to actually support that.

His family may come around in time. But they may be wary of investing too much in a relationship with you. Given he abandoned his pregnant wife, divorced her and moved in with you so quickly, I expect they want to see if you're still around this time next year.

There isn't anything you can do. Last month I met my FIL for the first time - I have been with DH since 2010 and married since 2016. I didn't meet his mum as she died two years ago. We lived 1.5 hours away from their home and DH went to visit regularly - I never did. Early on, he suggested that he bring me to meet them and his mum said no, she didn't want to, having met his ex-wife and then his subsequent partner (and mother of his only child). DH was 46 when we met btw! So, we left it, and when DH wanted a family occasion to celebrate his 60th birthday, I finally met his dad. I also only met his brothers in the last few years.

I didn't take it personally, I was never the OW and they didn't even like his exP. It is a situation not of my making, I can't change how they feel/felt and neither can you.

Wow he is a catch (not) she was pregnant when you met so less than 9 months previously he had been in a place to try for a baby with her (or at least told her that). Then you come along and he starts cheating/leaves her for you. Now you want to know how you can get his family to accept you after what you both did. His behaviour is appalling and his family can see that but if I met someone who had a pregnant wife and they were making advances I would tell them to put it back in their pants and do one. Don’t get too comfortable if he is the sort of guy to dump his wife and unborn baby he is likely to become bored with you and your child also. Leave his family alone to enjoy their new grandchild/niece/nephew and make sure you don’t loose contact with your family and friends for him as you will need them when he does the same to you.

This was my thought too. You've moved him in with you and your child within a year. That's very fast. It doesn't sound like either of you think things through properly.

His family will see you as the Other Woman, even if you (claim you) aren't.

You’re repeatedly banging this drum in here, but go back and look at the OP’s posts again. There is nuance there, there was at the very least an emotional affair. The OP has been at best evasive about her part in this “slightly complicated” situation and admits she is a terrible person and that the timing was bad and that what they did was “not nice”, so no…it really wasn’t a “single woman meets single man” scenario, now was it? I suspect you may have experience of this kind of situation given how fervently you’re supporting her and claiming that she’s done nothing wrong 🤔

What a mess.

you moved a man in you’ve been with under a year, in with your son. Shame on you.

i don’t even know what to say, although I’ve no doubt time will soon serve you the karma you deserve. You’re with a man you know if fully capable of lies and cheating. More fool you. Your poor son.

The fact the ex wife has nothing to do with his family likely compounds their dislike for you. They’ve lost a new grandchild/nephew/cousin. It must be really sad for them all.

Absolutely. DP / I went through a rough patch during pregnancy. We’re adults who were about to become parents, we sat down and agreed that we would put baby first, be decent and respectful of each other while we navigated the first few months with baby. Things worked out for the best anyway, but he’d have been horrified at the idea of leaving me alone to manage the end of pregnancy & care for a newborn while recovering from birth, even if we weren’t getting on.

Sounds like her “D”P is on the outs with his family and can’t exactly go back to the marital home… conveniently he has been able to move in with the OP…

Yes, anyone would think it was a discussion board. Wild.

I said she met the man whilst he was married, but she started a relationship with a separated man. According to OP’s account, the only one we actually have, that is what she did. Cue lots of posters extrapolating wildly about complete strangers though, based on what they want to be true.

and no, would be too much of a drama for me tbh. Never was interested in dating men with children when I was single either.

Yeah, if my son ever cheated on his pregnant wife, I’d have a hard time keeping things civil with him and his affair partner? I’d want nothing to to with her. Ever. Why did you do what you did to another woman? 🤢 have fun living with a loser cheater and have the life you deserve.

Yes, there is clearly a OW on here who is denying what the OP said. The OP makes it very clear she had an emotional relationship with a married man. People are not extrapolating anything, these are OP's own words. She had an emotional affair with a married man and lured him away from his wife. There is no arguing with OP's own posts. No matter how desperate some are to obfuscate them.

Funnily enough, I don’t in fact have to have ever been an ‘OW’ to have an opinion different to yours. If I had I’d say it outright, but I haven’t, so…🤷🏻‍♀️

OP hasn’t ’admitted’ to an ‘emotional affair’ (which is what, exactly? Beyond a convenient catch all?) or ‘luring’ anyone (on that latter point - I do believe he’s a man, not a fish). You’ve decided that’s what happened, despite them complete strangers to you in a situation you’re not party to.

Or cheating on her by then.

Lol.

seems like you’ve got your own fantasy there. The idea that men can be lured away against their will is a good way of absolving one of responsibility when you still want him back, I suppose. Easier to blame someone else than accept that your husband chose to leave you.