Partners family won’t accept me

[FlowerKL]

I met my partner at work last year. Our situation is slightly complicated in that he was married and his wife was pregnant. They ended up splitting up before the baby was born and we left things for a couple of months and then started seeing each other regularly once the baby was born.

The problem now is his family won’t accept me. He’s recently moved in with me and my son, but his parents won’t have anything to do with me and I’m not welcome.

I know the timing of us getting together is bad, I feel bad about it but we fell in love and they are now divorced.
I don’t know how to manage the situation, he was very close to his family. He is happy to support me and stay together, even if it means losing his family in the meantime. Will things settle over time? Is there anything that I can do to try to make amends?

@MrRobinsonsQuango This happens a lot in intellectual type discussions as well. Very rarely is it as complicated as what the person makes it out to be. They just want to be seen as intelligent, vastly knowledgable and unpacking some kind of puzzling situation with gravitas.

1. You are likely nothing more than an exit affair. Weak men like to have someone waiting in the wings before they make the leap to leave their wife
2. The family are rightly disgusted by both of your behaviour, and don’t want to celebrate your relationship. Absolutely fair enough.
3. A man who cheats on his pregnant wife, and is happy to cut his parents off is a self absorbed user, who will cut you off next when he tires of you.
4. A man you met a year ago (who was married) is NOT your partner. He’s a grubby, murky illicit shag.

Advice for your relationship with the family? Accept they don’t like you or your relationship and get over yourself. You reap what you sow.

How unsurprising.
Come on op.

So XW has gone pretty much no-contact, which means that these grandparents don’t get to spend time with their grandchild. You have some involvement in throwing a grenade into their family. They may never accept you.

I've seen something similar happen to two people close to me. In both cases the man ended up doing the same again. So please be careful and don't assume that he'll be loyal and faithful to you. If he's able to justify leaving his pregnant wife, he's able to justify anything. In an ideal world the two of you should explore your relationship while keeping your lives separate enough for him to build a relationship with his child, repair his relationship with his family and show you that he's serious about you. Good luck

If my son did this I would never forgive him and would do all I could to support his ex and try to keep some contact with my grandchild if she would allow it.
You are trying to minimise the situation.

So his parents have no relationship with the ex or yur baby and have cut you and their son off? Or are they happy to see him but not you?

My advice would be to leave him and find someone you can build a genuine relationship with. Men like this replace women the minute they get comfortable in the relationship, like his did with his wife and child.

@FlowerKL
I am often for - people can fall in/out of love; stiff happens….
BUT there are few phases in life when the selfishness of ‘my feelings are the only thing that matter’ - just doesn't cut it.

He was married with a pregnant wife. He deserted her and his child at the hardest time possible. He is not seeing his child….

One day you’ll wake up and realise you are with a really selfish person who only cares about himself. Do NOT have kids with him.

The story of - he wants to see the child but the mother is not cooperating - are total crap. If he wanted to see the child - he’d be in Family Court. He is happy to just pay and not bother.
You got yourself a Prince among Men.
His family ‘not accepting you’ is the least of your problems…

So you had an affair with a married man with a pregnant wife. Can I ask what the attraction was ? like how low is your bar ?

Now you want to be accepted by his family cuz then that will make it all look like you did nothing wrong and not like the low life people you both are.

What do your own family and friends say ?
Or did they get the watered down version we are getting on here.

People will look at you differently now weather they tell you or not.

Your poor ds.

I'm glad his family don't support you. You hear on here too often that the family accept the other woman very easily which brings so much pain to the other spouse. So it's likely they never will.

Enjoy your isolating life with your prize.

Sure you'll have your own family and friend support won't you ?
Isn't that enough ?

Doing what you did then complaining that you aren't accepted says a lot about you.

Didn't you get what you want, isn't that enough, now you want his family around you too ?
He will leave you too.

then you'll be on here yapping about that too.

"Nothing actually happened when they were together" -but it did though didnt it? Emotional cheating still counts, intentions still count, just because you waited a "few months" to let him get his leg over, doesnt mean it wasnt an affair.

I had a friend just like you, started chatting up an engaged man at work who had a baby on the way. Met up for flirty drinks or coffee, but oh nothing happened it was just drinks / coffee so thats ok, his pregnant mrs had no right to be upset apparently.
Few years down the line he did the exact same thing to her and absolutely nobody had any sympathy whatsoever. She's now friendless jobless broke and raising a baby all alone

Good luck with that OP

Also p.s, moving a man like that in so soon when you have a young impressionable son? Really?
Did you really think this thread was going to go down well?

'They ended up splitting up before the baby was born and we left things for a couple of months and then started seeing each other regularly once the baby was born. '

Can u clarify this? Reading that I wouldn't be too impressed either.

I don't think it will end well for either of you. His family know it and can't be bothered meeting another new girl.

The relationship is doomed if it’s based on alienating him from his whole family and small child in particular. He might be infatuated and combative now but guilt will soon take over. As it should.

I'd say you're worried he will leave if he doesn't fix things with his family. Worried about yourself that is.

You have a child yet moved in a man only a year into dating ? You have a child - you can’t have a relationship like a single person.

I wouldn’t expect things to have settled after a year. Considering your actions (which you have massively downplayed) , why do you care what his family thinks of you? Will you really feel better if they pretend that what you did wasn’t “that” bad ? Your partner has cut them off for you- you could lie in your bed and pretend what you did was ok.

I hope that you’re not planning a baby with this man because it will make everything worse- including for the baby. This man is clearly very selfish and has lots of red flags so don’t be upset when he behaves selfishly towards you too because you’ve been warned.

I'm betting this thread will be deleted soon, its going down like a lead balloon! 🤣

Its funny when people act badly then complain when people dont like it... always makes me lol a bit

Well done on landing yourself a married man who thinks it’s ok to cheat on his pregnant wife. One who ‘can’t’ see his new baby 🙄. He sounds like a right prince.

You have moved a man into your home, a man who is capable of leaving a pregnant wife high and dry.

What do you think he'll be capable of towards you? And don't kid yourself that he won't. I doubt his wife thought he do that to her either. 'Oh but he loved me so much he ditched his pregnant wife for me!' will be no comfort when he fucks you over in turn.

"I don’t know how to manage the situation, he was very close to his family. He is happy to support me and stay together, even if it means losing his family in the meantime. Will things settle over time? Is there anything that I can do to try to make amends?"
There is no situation to manage. They don't accept you, they never will and there is nothing you can do to 'make amends'. Clinging on to the notion that "I know the timing of us getting together is bad" is doing you no favours here. It wasn't 'the timing' that was bad. Some things cannot be fixed and this is one of them. All you can do is reconcile yourself to forever being despised by them. But, silver lining, it won't be forever. I expect he'll come to regret losing the family that he "was very close to" and at that point their non-acceptance will become irrelevant.

Sorry to be so harsh, but you really need to wake up to the reality here.

Ah so he doesn’t see the baby?

When did he request mediation? Is been a year and he hasn’t sorted anything?

and you were with him, (a man who has proved he will trade his pregnant wife in for someone else, cause he fancied it) less than a year and moved him into your home….with your child?

A man who couldn’t even remain committed to his own child? couldn’t even bring himself to stay single while he made sure he was seeing his child and got used to how that would all work. You know, prioritising his child? And you have him involved with yours?

His family don’t need to accept you. And likely, he will move on to someone else and this all won’t matter in a few years.

The family were obviously looking forward to the new arrival and had their own hopes and plans for the future with his new family unit. More closeness maybe - fun holidays and Christmas celebrations etc. Sharing it all with friends and workmates as we all do...then Boom..it's mortifying telling people what's happened and for people who have no clue about the relationship they're bound to badmouth and think badly of your parter. At the end of the day it's nobody's business- not family or friends. It's his life to make his own decisions. No one knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a marriage, it's never black and white.
I'd just get on with your life together and enjoy it and do whatever you have to do without worrying about other people's opinions - there and here.

What a mess, and now there are two children embroiled in it. There's nothing you can do to make them like you/accept the situation. Things might improve in time, so you could wait it out, but I wouldn't hold your breath. Boyfriend moving in with you and your son so soon was a bad idea, especially under the circumstances. To the outsider, he has ditched his wife and (now) child, to play happy families with you and your son. Too much, too soon.

OP if this is for real you are something else.

My advice to you is you should break it off with him and don’t look back.

Is the baby his parents first grandchild? You will always be the person who ruined this for them. You’ll just have to live with it. Unless you can somehow facilitate them all being able to see the baby more. Are you encouraging him to see his baby?

Nobody is fooled by you pretending you weren’t involved before he left. Men leave their pregnant wives for very few reasons. Number one is sex with someone else because their wife is too tired/uncomfortable and not giving them the undivided attention/sex these arseholes want. His ex and his family were all waiting for the OW to come out of the woodwork after he left. Sure enough, 2 months later, up you popped. Fooling precisely nobody but yourselves.

Have you found your friends also not wanting to see you as often? Colleagues less friendly?

If you must remain with this prince, take care he doesn’t turn into a cocklodger when he decides he doesn’t like paying child maintenance and half the bills on your place. Don’t marry him as he’ll have a claim on your home. Don’t get pregnant. You know what happens when his partner is pregnant.

Honestly though. Take a break away on your own with DC and think about this all properly. Your DC will bond with him, and if he doesn’t care about his own DC, he’ll have no problem dropping you and yours. It’s OK to change your mind and ask him to leave.

This is probably worse

They blame you as it is easier than blaming their son that they have lost their daughter in law and presumably grandchild in the process