Told my SIL that we had plans - then she asks my partner the same thing behind my back?

[sarahkeintong]

Long story short, its my husbands mums 80th birthday in a few weeks. We have plans to go and look at our wedding venue as thats the only day that would work after weeks of trying to plan. There is no plan for my husbands mums 80th and I wasn't even aware of this date. We have lots of his family events coming up and this was the weekend that we could do. Anyway, I told my SIL (his sister) about the dates we are going in chatty conversation, and she gave her opinion saying my fiance and her should be spending it with their mum, so i asked if there was a plan for the birthday as i wasn't aware, but we have limited time to view our venue and it needs to be done. She responded saying no plan but he SHOULD KNOW that he needs to spend it with his mum?

I feel really uncomfortable but I spoke with my fiance and he said don't worry, she hasn't got a say in what he does and he was fully aware it was his mums 80th birthday but there is not a plan and he sees his mum 5 times a week. I came away feeling really guilty for putting my foot down, but felt if she had an issue not to project that onto me but to speak to him.

Anyway, 2 days later, she text my fiance saying that she has made a plan for the mums birthday (LOL). My fiance replies saying he will be on his way home from the venue and doesn't know if he can make it and that was that.

I find this really sneaky, its like she didn't listen to a word I said, or didn't take it seriously. I am in two minds to text her about it but I really can't be bothered for more drama and clearly pointless conversation that isn't listened too. I was angry at my fiance but regret that because he at least didn't change our plans, but now im concerned he will be rushing back and she was trying to make him feel guilty as she did me.... AIBU? should my fiance of handled it differently, and said, well didn't you already know we won't be here?! He says he doesn't care to talk about it with me and I should speak to her..

Rude.

Some 80 year-olds are really that pragmatic

Maybe that's where the OP is from?

Anyway, 2 days later, she text my fiance saying that she has made a plan for the mums birthday (LOL)

Why the LOL? Why are you getting married so far away and why do you need to see the venue?

Good grief, like drama much op. She’s done nothing wrong and she’s not being sneaky, what’s wrong with you,

Sil is right. It's his mums 80th birthday far more important

Why hasnt he made plans to do anything for her?

Im not sure i would want to be woth anyone who didn't care about priorising his mums 80th!

Agree
She’s 80.Might not be around much longer and your fiancé should be making his mums birthday a priority.
Wedding venue can wait.

thanks - i had no idea - my partner said he knew but he was fine going on the date we had already planned for months as he sees his mum every week day. honestly though, its his place to decide what to do for his mums birthday not mine, I was more asking advice on whether I should of got those texts from the SIL and wasnt keen that she went to him after i told her we couldnt make it. we are seeing her a few days before, and taking her out to dinner.

Don’t be ridiculous, there was no plans until someone made plans. As is the situation for every single thing in life. How ludicrous to suggest they made 80th birthday plans just to spite the op.

honestly though, its his place to decide what to do for his mums birthday not mine

So why weren't you happy with your SIL contacting him directly?

In my opinion at that age every day is equally important and seeing his DM five times a week is just as valuable as seeing her on her birthday.

If he sees her 5 times per week you must live close to one another, yet your wedding venue is 6 hours away?
That's a trek for your guests.

no she said this is what i am planning and i would love for you to be there. even though i had already told her we wasnt around that day and was taking her out for dinner prior.
i agree - its not on ME to arrange something for my MIL - if my fiance wants to go and look at the venue thats on him

Well it’s not you or your mum so you don’t get to decide what these people do for their mothers 80th,

And he sees her five times a week, but hasn't ever bothered to find out when her birthday is?

because i had already told her we werent in town?

he knew - but as there was no plan and he sees her all the time and had a plan to take her for dinner - didnt think it was a big deal?

I'm selfish with my time and always put my partner/children before extended family including before my parents and his but for a milestone birthday like this, I'd say he should go to see his mum more so because they have a close relationship and see each other 5 times a week. Sorry OP. Try and shift the viewing so it's earlier?

Sorry but I agree with this

So why the thread, what ever is the issue? If it’s his decision and on him it’s completely correct for a sister to contact a brother about their mums birthday, what exactly is your issue, other than you’d like to kick off.

hahaha thank you! honestly, she isnt even the type to care!! I like your level headed response, we had plans to take her for dinner and she was MORE than happy for that.

Op is this you have turned into bridezilla and are desperate nothing prevents you seeing your venue on that day, and you’re pissed your sil might have done so>

@Trallers thank you but people that have replied, this is exactly my point. I feel like she didnt trust what i was saying, so felt the need to go directly to my fiance, as if we arent united. I don't talk FOR MY fiance, i repeat his decsions, ones he had already made. she was telling me what HE SHOULD be doing, and then didnt like when i said he had already made his mind up. I am not asking for advice on whether my fiance made the right choice, im annoyed at like someone else said she made these plans to undermine me hoping my fiance would cancel our plans and go.

If your trip had been planned months in advance, I retract what I'd said. I would however be going above and beyond not just taking her out for dinner... it's a huge milestone birthday at that stage in life.

i also need to add we are spending the next THREE WEEKS with plans filled for his family! trust me, i do my part and am very leniant and make an effort.

Yeah so it’s bridezilla time. Don’t worry op you’re getting to see your venue, his mums pesky 80th isn’t going to prevent it.