Things a straight man can work on to make him more attractive to women

[EmmaJaneA]

I had a fairly open conversation with a male friend, like myself middle aged & straight. Our relationship is, just to be clear, 100% platonic & we are both clear we want to keep it that way. He's looking to meet someone, although he's not desperate & would rather be on his own than settle. The question I was asked was what alterable factors can someone in his position work on to maximise attractiveness to women. It might sound a bit clinical but I do think I get where he's coming from. Not that he's especially deficient in any of the below but this (in no particular order) was my 1st draft:

1. Posture

2. The energy you give off 3. Physical fitness, sleep, hydrate, moisture 4. Functionality, having your finances, accommodation etc in good order 5. Sociability 6. Well read/travelled

Any additions/thoughts?

Respect and seeing women as equals.

Respect and being interested in what a woman is saying and a good sense of humor

Being interested in a particular woman for her personality/interests and showing it through asking her questions, listening, etc.

Be informed, have opinions, and play an instrument, or at least be into a variety of music.

Lacking in ego, able to laugh at himself, doesn't take himself too seriously, doesn't have an obsession with status and money.
Warm and open seeming, with a few vulnerabilities but not too many that are obvious?!
Very good taste in music, clothes etc but not into trends or labels.
Respects your boundaries and need for personal space and friendships.
Has hobbies and interests of his own beyond drinking.
Treats strangers with courtesy and respect.
Doesn't shout or scream or break things, or god forbid hurt women.
Does not gamble and never really had done.
Loves listening to and talking to women as equals and is not remotely sexist in their views. Lol, I'm asking a lot right?

It shouldn't be though really.

Making the most of his appearance, keeping fit / having genuine self respect.

A clean and tidy home, it doesn’t have to be perfect but demonstrating that he knows what it takes to run a home and family.

Knowing a woman should be a partner, not an accessory.

I’m less bothered by thing like ‘well read’ or ‘educated’ as I’ve met a lot of very intelligent people who have never gone to university or read any of the ‘classics’. I like intelligence in a man, and I prefer my men to be unintimidated by intelligent women.

Thoughtfulness.

Treats his mum well - you can tell a lot about a man’s attitude by how he treats his mum.

“Play an instrument” isn’t an easily alterable characteristic I’d say. Not sure a beginner guitar player would have women falling at their feet 😃

But well groomed, in decent shape, smells good and with a busy (but not overly hectic) life is attractive to me

My lovely male friend was single for years and having no luck with dating. Eventually he had his teeth whitened and quickly was coupled up and married! He had really stained teeth and I think it was giving women the ick.

Middle aged men on the hunt for a woman need to:

Look after their bodies - be fit, strong, healthy, energetic and clean

Look after their minds - be inquisitive about the world, engaged by it, open to other points of view or ways of doing things

Have energy and spirit for a bit of adventure - up for trying new experiences

Show interest in their date - ask questions, listen to answers

Being confident and happy in their own skin - give off a sense of enjoying life and making the best of it.

Seeing women as equals and not having one set of standards for their date and another for them are absolute base-line essentials. I know a man - love him dearly - but he sits there boozing and vaping, belly hanging out, yellow crooked teeth, grubby jeans, detailing how he prefers his women really tiny and gym-bunnyish. I think, fair enough love but go for a run and a shower yourself then!

Good personal hygiene inc teeth/ good haircut- nice ironed stain free clothing, smart clean shoes.

Ability to chat about a wide variety of subjects.

Great respect for women including those in his life.

Clean and tidy at home where everything is organised. Not a pile of bits, here there everywhere (maybe you won’t see this on first meeting- maybe you will?)

Hobbies and interests that keep his brain and body in good shape.

Widely read.

Kind, gentle, generous with their time and listening skills.

You’d think it was easy for them but as you can see from my list it really isn’t. I’m not perfect by any means but I wouldn’t turn up to a first date with scuffed muddy shoes, sweaty tee, food stain on my trousers with cress in my teeth, humidity hair and with nothing planned to talk about based on their previous info from a profile or things touched on online.

He just needs to be himself and work on himself by keeping healthy, clean, following his interests, socialising and creating a happy life for himself.

There is no magic formula any more than there is one for women wanting to attract men.

Not something one would adapt but I think two partners should share certain traits to avoid clashes in the future such as level of sociability/ how introverted or extroverted one is; finances (saver vs spender); type A Vs type B; to a certain extent political ans religious views.

Otherwise, I'd agree with hygiene, respect, humour, general knowledge.

Find passion /hobby follow it and find someone that shares that hobby

Be interested and interesting.

Less sex talk in the beginning = more sex later on. I really really don’t understand why men don’t get this 🤷‍♀️.

We are watching how you talk to waiters/barmen/staff 👀.

Clean yourself and your clothes. And your home if things get that far.

Have a life away from dating.

We don’t want to see up your nostrils.

Take a loss gracefully.

No.

Some massive lists above, he can’t change everything about himself! I would focus on:

• as above, good hygiene, good teeth, neat haircut, clothes etc
• being fit & healthy weight (for middle aged men and women)
• being a good active listener, asking questions and genuinely interested in the answers and the woman.

don't know if this is something that can be worked on but-
speaking badly of an ex, and/or
having children you don't see and support
would be an immediate no in my book

All the traits that have been listed are the opposite of my DH.

Men are just so bloody lazy.

I think I maybe in the dating pool in the coming years and dreading it if the basics have to be listed like this 🤣

Our relationship is, just to be clear, 100% platonic & we are both clear we want to keep it that way.

Strange conversation to have with a friend , does it not normally go without saying?🤔

He's looking to meet someone, although he's not desperate & would rather be on his own than settle.
Is he having trouble meeting women in the first place to date? Or does he date and the dates just don't go anywhere?

Listen and remember stuff.
Flush/clean the loo properly.
Book stuff/make arrangements. Think stuff out: how will we get there? What time do we need to leave? Where will we eat?
Don't slag off exes.

Things that have given me the ick on dates:

Bad hygiene
Misogyny
Wanting a "slim & fit" female, but treating their body like they're trying to induce a heart attack
Turn up in dirty & torn clothing
Forcing unwanted sexual talk/intimacy
They had lied about their age/height/anything, they're a liar.

But mostly, on dates you end up talking about the man's life and as they talk they explain why they're single:

• they cheated,
• they didn't/don't contribute to housework
• they are a bad/absent parent
• they haven't got their shit together
• They're looking for a mummy figure to take care of them, but also fuck 🙄
• they're really moany/boring

Obviously a man can't change his past, but if he cheated on his wife, why would he expect other women to trust him?

If he's one of those dads who only sees his kids once a fortnight and pays bare minimum CMS (or nothing at all) why would any other woman want to be with him?

Accept that there is a league for sexual attractiveness and be realistic about which division he is playing in.

Smelling nice/being well put together.

No bitterness, like -

No one replies on here
It’s a waste of time here
No drama please
If you’re like this or that then left swipe, I’m not interested
No fat women please

And if a man is like this, then some time out doing other things and recalibrating a bit would do him the world of good.