Things a straight man can work on to make him more attractive to women

[EmmaJaneA]

I had a fairly open conversation with a male friend, like myself middle aged & straight. Our relationship is, just to be clear, 100% platonic & we are both clear we want to keep it that way. He's looking to meet someone, although he's not desperate & would rather be on his own than settle. The question I was asked was what alterable factors can someone in his position work on to maximise attractiveness to women. It might sound a bit clinical but I do think I get where he's coming from. Not that he's especially deficient in any of the below but this (in no particular order) was my 1st draft:

1. Posture

2. The energy you give off 3. Physical fitness, sleep, hydrate, moisture 4. Functionality, having your finances, accommodation etc in good order 5. Sociability 6. Well read/travelled

Any additions/thoughts?

It works best when both parties look after themselves, and act like nice people.

Not all women are lovely….🙄

I hope you’re not suggesting that extremely attractive 20 something models aren’t attracted to fat blokes in their 60s who can’t spell and make sexist jokes while sending dick pics as an introductory message? 🤔😁

But the question was what can a man do to help himself. People are just answering the question.

You know what I think? Stop watching porn and start reading those dodgy books with bare-chested Adonaises on the front.

Most men are pretty shit at sex because they believe porn. Read porny female books and you'll get a lot more of an idea of what women actually like in bed.

This is a new theory and may require work!

Things that make me insanely attracted to my BF (of 1 year):

• he is kind to strangers
• dogs love him 😂
• he can cook, no recipes needed
• he is super tidy and keeps his house really nice
• he is handy - can fix or build anything
• he has cool hobbies - lots of interesting things to talk about
• he always smells lovely!
• he moves me to the inside of the pavement 😍

I wanted someone kind, generous, funny, good personal hygiene and good teeth! Wasn't bothered about age / race/ background / education

Good personal hygiene/cleanliness. I didn't realise how much of a turn off un kept men are until recently, just easy stuff like shave, nice teeth, nice smell etc and same goes for his house

To make himself as physically attractive as he can. So healthy weight, some time in the gym to get toned. The best dentistry he can afford. A hair cut that suits him if he has enough hair. If he doesn't, get rid of the lot. Decent clothes on the casual side (but not that hideous jumper round the shoulders faux casual) and appropriate footwear. No dress shoes with jeans or other faux pas. Character wise, cultivate a discreet wit. Be a decent listener who shows genuine interest in what women have to say. Above all fish in the appropriate pond. As much as he might like the most gorgeous woman in the room, what he wants and who might want him are not the same thing and the wise man who gets dates will learn the difference.

Be able to listen. Ask questions and actually be interested in the answers.

Not feel compelled to send dick pics if a woman shows the slightest interest.
Not use sex workers ( too late if he already has)
if going bald do not comb over or similar, embrace the baldness.
Don’t refer to exes as crazy or bitches.
Be a good dad if he has children already.

To be initially ‘attractive’ I’d say the men I notice are well dressed (clothes are clean, well fitting and cared for), smell nice (if I get that close) obviously engage in some personal grooming (tidy hair, tidy beard, tidy nails) and smile a lot 😊
Past that initial stage, everyone above has it nailed

I think you may be on to something there Mrs P!

Taking notes. 📝

I Wouldn’t mind a lot of your list tbh but that’s just me!! For me it’s just conversation, fun, having a laugh, similar morals and povs and then some chemistry and preferably not living in another country so difficult choices need to be made!

god yes, any man who ever had 'bought' sex would be a complete no

Dress well and well groomed. I'm always astonished/dispirited by the amount of men I meet who have clearly made absolutely no effort with their appearance and turn up to the first (and only) date in scruffy, ill-fitting, non-ironed clothes

Respectful, interested in what you have to say and number one - no dick pics.

Kind to all people, animals, nature
Sense of humour
Smells pleasant
An individual character
Has some hobbies & intetests

Yes yes to being a good dad. I went on a date once with someone who had split up with his wife (I don’t have a problem with that) but then inexplicably moved three hours away from his children. They were all still at school so unable to get themselves to his house without someone else driving them there. He was not from the area where I met him, and I couldn’t really find out why he’d moved so far away. I came to the conclusion he was just a shit dad.

And I connected with someone else once who was clearly a very involved dad, and had little stories of what they did during their time together, and that made him so attractive to me.

I think the problem with many middle aged men - certainly the ones I meet - is that they’ve experienced male privilege for so long, they monologue and dominate the conversation with the mistaken belief that everyone wants the benefit of their (often moany) worldview and wisdom. They don’t give a a second thought as to how borish and utterly arrogant this is.

Tell your mate to scrub up, be generous, charming and have a laugh. Listen and respond attentively. Have fun and be self-deprecating. Take rejection well and learn from it.

And no painting fleece please.

Thanks, a really great range of responses & way deeper than my original list. Someone was asking about whether he meets women socially. He certainly has done in the past. He's taken on some serious caring responsibilities for a relative in recent years which have curtailed his options due to location & all the work involved. The stuff.aboit playing in your dating league is interesting. I have massive difficulty in assessing the "position" of anyone male or female outside obvious outliers. I suppose once you start dating you recalibrate expectations (or just don't have any) based on response/feedback.

Stuff like chemistry and aligning morals you can't plan for, but for the rest:

Cares about how he looks - well fitting clothes, smells nice, well-cared for hair, looks after his health

Takes care and respect around his home.

Interesting and interested; curious about the world, including his date; someone I can chat for ages with (no monologuing, please God)

An actual sense of humour (not just 'bantz' and cruelty)

Is aware of his age and his mortality - not another man trying to stave off death by getting a much younger gf to 'make him feel alive'

A good circle of friends, and an active life (ie. not depending on his partner to fulfil his social needs)

Can take responsibility for his actions and life choices; can deal with conflict and rejection. Aware of who he is. Not seeing himself as one of life's victims.

Good at sex.

Honestly this is the main thing. Lots of men want a woman who’s 10-15 years younger, or who’s slim even though they’re fat, or who’s good looking even though they’re not. Be realistic about who you can date. Unless you’re rich, then all bets are off!