Things a straight man can work on to make him more attractive to women

[EmmaJaneA]

I had a fairly open conversation with a male friend, like myself middle aged & straight. Our relationship is, just to be clear, 100% platonic & we are both clear we want to keep it that way. He's looking to meet someone, although he's not desperate & would rather be on his own than settle. The question I was asked was what alterable factors can someone in his position work on to maximise attractiveness to women. It might sound a bit clinical but I do think I get where he's coming from. Not that he's especially deficient in any of the below but this (in no particular order) was my 1st draft:

1. Posture

2. The energy you give off 3. Physical fitness, sleep, hydrate, moisture 4. Functionality, having your finances, accommodation etc in good order 5. Sociability 6. Well read/travelled

Any additions/thoughts?

Any whiff of red pill type manosphere chat would have men immediately blocking a man.

Clean
Nice teeth
Interested in life
A good conversationalist
Intelligent

Wash, clean, be tidy, cook, take initiative, listen and notice, gratitude, humility, do fun stuff, read books

Hell ...
A man dancing or playing an instrument....
😁

I've no problem with playing an instrument. Its when it turns out to be a wall full of guitars each with its own tedious and unlikely back story, a room full of amps, and a repertoire that solely consists of seven nation army riff (for beginners).

I'm either attracted to a man or I'm not - I don't think there are things a man could 'work on'. Superficially, I like skinny men with long hair, but that doesn't mean that I'd fancy any man who dieted himself into the skinny bracket and grew his hair. It's mostly about personality and whether we are on the same wavelength.

Start to value women their own age instead of discarding them for 25 year olds.

Clean skin, hair, teeth, fingernails
Good haircut
Own teeth
Doesn't mansplain
Smells nice
Interested in things, intelligent

The main thing at middle age is the market is made up of:

Single women who have never been married or had children who are highly independent and financially independent who are looking for someone who treats them as an equal. May or may not want children.

Women who have child or children of varying ages - is he open to this or not I.e. fitting around their schedule and potentially being part of a family. Also independent and looking for someone who treats them as an equal.

Does he envisage getting married or not / having a family or not? Before anything else if you are dating in your 40s+ that's pretty key to work out.

Age of woman he is dating is also important. What age does he want to date? If he wants to date younger then needs to be high in his league for fitness and financial stability and generous and kind and hope he doesn't get taken advantage of.

Being a decent human being is really all that matters. Knowing how to take care of himself.

A dab hand in the kitchen and can knock up a decent bit of scran with whatever's in the fridge and cupboard.

makes good eye contact, not a creepy stare but showing attentiveness and good listening skills, being present in the moment.

isn't wedded to their mobile the whole time.

doesnt ogle women or make comments about their legs, bum, bodily attributes - ever. It's totally disrespectful to the women and a PITA to the woman they're meant to be with,

Those are two different things. Not sure why you can't grasp that.

This might sound shallow, but clothes and grooming are important. It's not just about looking nice, but about finding your tribe. Anyone in sliders, football shirts, baggy grey joggers belongs to a different tribe from me and would probably not be considered partner material.

wrt how to affect "his energy" - I think he should stop looking for "a woman" (implies possibly interchangeable, any will do, key qualities likely to be sex, housework or both).and reframe his search internally as being for "a female partner".

Just… being clean enough (not obsessively) being interested in the world, laughing at my jokes ( aka having a good sense of humour..) having a solid moral code and being a good sort generally.
I don’t care about money or hobbies or clothes on a man really.
I have a man who ticks some of the boxes mentioned but doesn’t earn a lot, has wonky teeth and is rarely social (happy for me to be social though and is often funny).
He’s also someone I can rely on to be there when shit goes down ( which it has, and then some in my family the past couple of years) and be there for whatever I need, without ever complaining or acting hard done by.
Hes a good egg and that’s ultimately what counts.

Swearing.

The occasional expletive is fine, but constant fuck, cunt, dick, knob just doing normal every day things is grim.

Able to laugh at himself, secure in his own skin

Good listener

Skilled at cunnilingus and generous with it.

Yes, totally.

In control of himself- no drugs/addictions, could drink but knows when to stop/its not the be all and end all of everything/weekend.

dresses well, clean and smells good! and has a positive mindset, not negative

exercises, kind, inclusive hobbies, not selfish and thinks of others

I like a man who I am attracted to, to show an interest in me, flirt a little, build up gradually, develop chemistry and who smells nice.

If I got a sense he's not fully into me or multi dating etc it would put me off. You say he isn't comfortable with expressing attraction? That would also be a deal breaker for me.

This is nearly perfect.

Add a valid Will making generous provision for his loved ones would put him into Eros territory.

Never underestimate the power of an energetic tongue.

Oh, and the word romance barely gets a mention by women these days. That is very sad.

Wrong. If you find a man with the qualities you love and he wants you, that's the very definition of romance. Dinners, roses, the Eiffel Tower in springtime that's all just gravy.

I'd ask him about his relationships with his friends and family. If he's got a good solid social network and speaks really positively about them, that's a very good sign in my book.

imagine if a woman posted 'what do i need to do to make myself more attractive to men?'

people need to be themselves, putting on social graces and dressing up if its not you, means you are not being true to yourself or anyone you might want to attract.

be kind, be polite and be clean...

I have suggestions based on the profile you are building of him here. I think the advice would depend so much on why relationships haven't happened for him yet (or have they?)

1. Get some counselling. He sounds emotionally avoidant a little, he's a carer but can't ever go out? I mean, that doesn't sound quite right or at least, it would have to be quite an unusual situation to be prolonged like that for decades, unless he was caring for a child who has grown up. You say he doesn't like to declare himself, so basically he's shy. He should find a counsellor not because there's a problem, because he sounds nice, but a bit passive and just 'hoping' someone will fall for him which they won't- our society expects men to drive these things on a bit, and if he's giving no signs he's interested and passive in the rest of his life, he will not meet anyone. Talking with a counsellor will help him see where he work on slightly avoidant personality, and be his true self a bit more.
2. On a superficial level, men like this often come over as a bit distant, odd or wet. Just being honest. So, I would make the effort to help him style himself in a way that presents as current, he's not going to a public speaking event, he will be going on dates. I would advise him to get his teeth fixed if they are bad. Many people are in relationships with people who don't have great teeth and if you started out at 18, so be it, but if you are in the online dating world or presenting in corporate environments, this helps your confidence no end. I had mine done in my late forties and it's been transformative. Other than that, pick neutral colours like navy and camel/beige, good leather/casual shoes, basically tailor to your audience on that one- if he's into heavy metal or bands, go in a different direction, but go there with what's current now, not what fitted 25 years ago and hasn't washed well.
3. He'd probably do well in OLD because it's obvious you are on a date. So, the appropriate thing to do is to act 'date like', be courteous, interested in the other person, say if you like them at the end of the date (by text if needs be). He sounds like he wouldn't make a move on anyone in a typical social situation so being on a 'date' will help him get out of that neutral friend zone into dating.