Things a straight man can work on to make him more attractive to women

[EmmaJaneA]

I had a fairly open conversation with a male friend, like myself middle aged & straight. Our relationship is, just to be clear, 100% platonic & we are both clear we want to keep it that way. He's looking to meet someone, although he's not desperate & would rather be on his own than settle. The question I was asked was what alterable factors can someone in his position work on to maximise attractiveness to women. It might sound a bit clinical but I do think I get where he's coming from. Not that he's especially deficient in any of the below but this (in no particular order) was my 1st draft:

1. Posture

2. The energy you give off 3. Physical fitness, sleep, hydrate, moisture 4. Functionality, having your finances, accommodation etc in good order 5. Sociability 6. Well read/travelled

Any additions/thoughts?

I think taking on caring responsibilities would certainly be a reason to give him serious consideration, other things being in place (hygiene, basic respect etc)

The problem with ‘sticking to your own dating pond’ is that you never know what people are attracted to.

What is a definite right swipe for me can be a definite left swipe for my friend (yes, we tried it). And then meeting that man somewhere can turn into a definite no within ten minutes. Or a definite no to a new (eg) work colleague can turn into a definite yes after a ten minute chat and laugh.

I think "The energy you give off" is way too vague. What action can he take based on that?

Also posture - if he has bad posture then that is hard to change. Good posture might be something you find attractive, but you can't really fake it for any substantial period. I'd say a better tip is just to be physically active and look after himself.

Personally I find it appealing if someone has their life and affairs more or less in order and has a sensible approach to things like finances, keeps their home/ living space clean, can cook, is holding down a steady job, basically sensible and mature. Just all the signs that they are behaving like a functional adult - that's the bare minimum.

Beyond that, he should think about what his interests, hobbies and passions are in life, what plans/ dreams he has for the future, and how he can talk about those in a way that is engaging.

It doesn't really matter what these are - it matters that he has something to him and isn't just a blank slate. That he is engaged in the world, interested and curious about things, and is thinking further ahead than the present moment.

Well-read/travelled is also a hard one for him to do anything about on a practical basis if he isn't already genuinely either of those things.

Doesn't hate women, either openly or deep down.

Doesn't think we should be a combination of unpaid prostitute and housemaid.

Agree with PPs no sex talk too soon or gross pictures.

Not expecting to be lauded just for doing the bare minimum.

Ignore my earlier post, I didn't notice the username so I thought you were 2 straight men 😂

I think sticking to your pool is fairly broad and based on certain assumptions that won't be true for every single person, but will be true for enough people as to represent a pattern. Basically your pool will comprise of people roughly within your age group and social demographic who are a similar level of physical attractiveness to you. Most people have from their experience in the field, at least a rough idea of how attractive their looks are to the opposite sex. Plus we have mirrors!

Im only interested in men who work, own a home (like I do), don't smell or have bad breath, are not weird, nasty or looking for a servant.
I don't care what they look like particularly even though I consider myself good looking. That's not bragging I make the most of myself and work hard to look good.
I don't think that's much to ask but yet I still cannot find anyone fitting this description.

Treat us as equals but please open the door if you are close by. You would have done it for The Queen. and happy to.
And please do the formal thing with car doors when we are all dressed up for an evening even if you don't when we go shopping.

Here is what an average guy said who was very successful with women ‘ it’s really easy, I don’t understand why all men don’t do it. I ask women questions and I listen to their answers’

If he is a middle aged guy, lots of middle aged women will have been dicked about by men. Just regard us as equal human beings of equal worth, treat us with decency, respect, and show caring, concern, support and genuine liking and he’ll be fine. Mind you, if he’s not already doing that, it might be because he doesn’t really mean it. And if he fakes it to get women, he’ll just be another man whose dicked women about. .

What’s the point, they all tend to revert to type eventually. Better to be your true self from the off and hope there’s a lid for your pot.

This is probably the best answer here.

Jesus. You say he shouldn’t be lauded for doing the bare minimum, yet you think what a man needs to do to be attractive to women is ‘ not hate women’. The bar really is so low for men.

For me a positive outlook on life and open to new things is attractive.

those that are all doom and gloom… not so much

Needs to be able to clean, cook, manage a household

Hold down a job

Be kind

Must be clean and tidy

And know how to use both.

Sense of humour that’s similar to mine is the one that’s the most important to to me. If he makes me laugh, and I make him laugh, we’re off to an excellent start.

Not going for younger women.

He should be able to cook, and domestically competent and self-sufficient. This should not need to be stated, but it absolutely does.

He should be respectful, kind and considerate to everyone he meets.

He should be aware of current affairs, and be able to express his thoughts calmly and politely. He should not go out of his way to force his opinions on others.

Ok. Some more thought provoking stuff. I genuinely don't think he's trying to be in any way fake, just perhaps lacks confidence and wants to avoid missing out completely on any romantic life if possible. If I were to to go out on a limb I'd say he has subconsciously got the idea through upbringing and education somehow that actually finding a woman attractive (age appropriate of course) never mind respectfully expressing this attraction (assuming both parties are available) is in itself a bad thing, which I don't think it is, & I'd imagine most others don't either. Because he's not entirely comfortable with being attracted to people, he feels the need not to vocalise or in any way express it, & in some way perhaps thinks this (in his eyes slightly illicit) attraction is too strong to ever be fully reciprocated.

that's a shame! is religion involved?

Teeth. Be clean. Ask questions.

Not monologuing... I've been on so many dates with men who talk at me. Its exhausting.

So he has no confidence.
Which he will project to all women.
Men who excel at dating exude confidence, which is rooted in their self-image and beliefs.

Teeth and toenails. Breath.

I think there's an element of this in a historic & subconscious level, yes. He's not himself religious, nor does he judge those who are. I don't think for the other poster he has no confidence. A very good public speaker so I'm told. It's just this kind of thing of not fully projecting yourself. Hard to fully describe