Things a straight man can work on to make him more attractive to women

[EmmaJaneA]

I had a fairly open conversation with a male friend, like myself middle aged & straight. Our relationship is, just to be clear, 100% platonic & we are both clear we want to keep it that way. He's looking to meet someone, although he's not desperate & would rather be on his own than settle. The question I was asked was what alterable factors can someone in his position work on to maximise attractiveness to women. It might sound a bit clinical but I do think I get where he's coming from. Not that he's especially deficient in any of the below but this (in no particular order) was my 1st draft:

1. Posture

2. The energy you give off 3. Physical fitness, sleep, hydrate, moisture 4. Functionality, having your finances, accommodation etc in good order 5. Sociability 6. Well read/travelled

Any additions/thoughts?

The lists above are pretty basic: be clean, healthy, maintain your home, listen to your date and be respectful, have a bit of zest for life, don't demand perfection if you are average. These are not a high bar. Men do (and should) expect these from women they date too.

Confidence

No smoking, vaping, drug use,.gambling.

Moderate to low alcohol consumption, doesn't get drunk/messy

Positive outlook, not a moaner or prone to negativity

Demonstrates a belief that women are human and autonomous, and exist in their own right outside their relationship to men.

Likes cats

Can see dirt / mess and take action to remove it, consistently.

Good advice for everyone who's looking!

Confidence and kindness. A real interest in what the other person (any person) is saying. An enthusiasm for life.
Clean and solvent are givens, but I wouldn't care about much else other than what I've mentioned above.

It’s easy. Two rules:

1. Be yourself. If she doesn’t like who you really are then she’s not the woman for you. You can only pretend for so long, and it is EXHAUSTING trying to listen to someone who doesn’t believe what they’re saying.
2. Don’t be a dick.

If 1 and 2 are mutually exclusive then go away and work on yourself until you’re not a dick anymore.

Good teeth - whitened or veneers but not Turkey teeth- not overweight, well groomed, listening skills, kind

Trim and clean your fucking nails, clean your ears, have a proper scrub and use soap. FFS man. Yes, I have an excessive quantity of farming brothers.

The number of single men greatly exceeds single women. Men have to compete with each other for women. The "middle-aged desperate woman" stereotype doesn't really exist and the overwhelming majority women will have a number of different men to choose from.

You're right. The stereotype of the DMAW does not exist. However, this is not because there are countless suitable men available, but rather because women are not 'desperate' to be with one at all. So if they don't pass muster, women will choose to be alone. This means, as the OPs friend has discovered, if a man wants to be with a woman, simply being in the class of person 'single male with a pulse' isn't enough. However, and this is important- because there are not many males meeting the base line criteria that means women choose them over remaining single, those that do are in short supply. Therefore they should meet with success. The challenge for men therefore is not to see off competition from a deep pool of other better men, but simply to meet the criteria for being a man women would consider. And to come full circle to the OP, this typically does involve things within the man's control. Basic standards of presentation, good character and decent attitudes towards women and realism about his prospects.

Be kind to everyone. A woman worth knowing will notice this.

The bar is so low at this point just being a non bigoted misogynistic dickhead will do it 😂

Clearly not, otherwise many single men would instead be in relationships. I'm not looking, but I can say from experience that women never approach me or show any interest anyway, so it's quite clear that women need a lot more than "not a dickhead."

Dental hygiene and personal grooming. I have cone across a few lovely quite attractive guys over the years who I have been completely put off liking because of BO or bad breath.

My comment wasn’t entirely serious, but it’s an awful good start.

I’m not looking either, but when I was the majority would filter themselves out by being awful, so 🤷‍♀️

I’ll list some stuff I liked and didn’t like about my ex:

What I liked :

• he was not degree educated but was incredibly intelligent and well read when it came to political theories etc
• good sense of humour, chatty, kind
• great cook, was a vegan, I’m not- but admired his commitment to it
• good personal hygiene, clean and tidy flat that he owned
• good with money, quite miserly with himself but generous with others including me :)
• had a clean car that ran well, not flashy.
• kept fit through walking, had his own hobbies
• was up for weekend breaks and doing things outside his range of interests like going to theatre with me

Things I didn’t like:

• Although he brushed his teeth well now, he had neglected his teeth a bit in the past I think. Also ex smoker and former recreational drug taker. And it showed.
• watched too much GB news. It was the opposite of what he believed in but he always wanted to see what they were saying 😬 but it grated on me
• Could be a bit too argumentative with his political views
• Struggled to communicate his needs sometimes
• Could be defensive and sulky at times
• was kind but could lack patience and a bit of empathy sometimes.

@Blueberryjamming watched too much GB news. It was the opposite of what he believed in but he always wanted to see what they were saying 😬 but it grated on me

One of the hallmarks of intelligence is listening and given consideration to other people, perspectives, and cultures. People who become closed off and tell everyone else to shut up when they hear something they don't like can never grow or develop, or develop perspectives that are nuances of grey rather than everything being black and white.

To clarify, in case there’s crossed wires - I didn’t think any less of him!

I understood perfectly why he was doing it. As I said, he was a very intelligent guy who was into his politics and it obviously informed his ability to debate etc, but I was still sick of GB news being on so much and hearing him argue at the screen. So my point still stands. But that was a very specific niggle 😆

He was definitely one of the nicer and more impressive guys I’ve met :)

I have one to add: good with food - by which i mean has a varied diet, knows what different dishes are in restaurants, is comfortable with multiple cutlery/wine glass options, has interest beyond any sort of chain restaurant

Some lovely suggestions here. I want to meet the hypothetical man whose traits we're describing!
Not sure if anyone has added curiosity? I find this such an attractive trait; people who are open to, and delight in, new impressions and ideas and really 'lean in to' finding out more, even if it is outside their realm of experience and interest -those who recognise new frontiers are generally good for one. Irresistible!

This is a very interesting idea.

Right now I am listening to an audiobook recommended to me by a close friend. Currently a woman with strongly submissive tendencies is being fought over by a young, powerful, handsome bastard of an American businessman and an equally handsome Roman Catholic priest very much in breach of his ordination vows.

Quite what the average man should take from it is a matter that will require some interpretation.

Agree with all the above about making the absolute best of what you’ve got in terms of looks, dress, health cleanliness etc but to me the most attractive thing is a man who understands the art of conversation and actually practices it. You know, listening to what a person says, showing interest and responding to what they have said, not just waiting his turn to monologue on a vaguely related (or entirely unrelated) topic. He has to be genuinely interested in the woman, her views and want to engage with them. Big ask though it seems.

Emotionally available.

@EmmaJaneA I suspect that maybe your friend isn't, given that he'd rather be on his own than "settle." Is he keeping himself emotionally guarded, not wanting to get "too involved" unless he knows the woman is "perfect" for him?

Things like not returning texts in a timely way, not showing a woman he's thinking about her when they're not together, and so on. Not stalking level, but engaged and emotionally open. Without treating women as therapists of course!

We aren’t equal. Women are better 😉

😁

This behaviour is acceptable because the guys are filthy rich with craggy jaws (priest probably has a secret rich relative) - for your average Joe Bloggs, recreating this would NOT be received well.

Nigel from accounts fighting with Dave the IT guy is not a good look.

Definitely different social rules if you happen to be incredibly rich and high status. Don't follow them unless you're the same class!

If you're rich you're lovably eccentric and being yourself. If you're poor the same behaviour is mad and weird.

If I started acting like one of the dramatic Made in Chelsea women (the ones living in a 10 million flat bought by Daddy) I'd probably not have many social contacts, let alone dates!

If you're midrange, looking to meet other midrange types, I think a more neutral, pleasant, basic vibe often works best..both appearance and socially.