Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

The guy is an emotional toddler, and that thing about being a 30 yr old man and taking your mum to the beach for the weekend is a bit weird (but that’s just me). Good riddance, just make sure you get child support from mamas boy.

Hes thrown a strop. Youve dodged a bullet here op. Dont allow him back. Change those locks and move forwards. You can bring the baby up alone/minimal support. Best of luck

Well done. Did he pay for the beach trip or did you?

@Alyssah2

So glad to hear this!!

Absolutely get locks/lock barrels changed. Even if he drops off the key you can't guarantee that he hasn't made a copy. Locksmiths can be expensive. Changing lock barrels is pretty simple if you're handy that way or know someone who is. Plenty of DIY videos on YouTube.

Don't try to contact him. Don't attempt to initiate 'coparenting'. It will be frustrating and will probably come to naught. Leave it go for now.

Now that he's gone, just take a deep breath. Feel the absence of tension. You'll soon get into your own routine with your baby. Trust your instincts. You'll be just fine.

We split it 50/50 I wont be getting my share back though as he’s not replying or answering me

He moved in by stealth and isn't contributing anywhere near enough to the household, let alone to his kid. Ship him back to them via economy and get CMS sorted.

ETA: RTFT you eejit (to myself). Good riddance to him OP, honestly you have dodged a bullet.

So you gave him the money to pay for it and it's in his name? Because if you paid your share directly or if your name is anywhere on the booking I'd be calling wherever it was booked to see if I could cancel 'my part' for a refund or credit.

Or failing that, ask them if you can move 'your' booking to a different date and apply what you've paid to a solo trip and just pick a random date in the future. Yes, I know you won't be able to take it, but I'd rather lose the money due to my own 'no show' than let him & his mother take a trip on 'my dime'.

But if you end up out of pocket on this, just remember that it was a small price to pay compared to the thousands he would have cost you as a cocklodger. I would probably consider it 'money well spent' and a good lesson learnt.

Forget about the money and move on from this loser. The fact you were begging and pleading with him to take you to the beach rubs me the ring way and that's how women lose their self confidence.

You're a woman who is doing well, has bought a house, has a good job yet you're in a position where you're begging and pleading with an idiot who can't even house himself and has to live with his parents and doesn't continue to your life in any meaningful way.

I'm not sure if there any underlying issues to address but she fact that you were so desperate to maintain a "family" with this guy is probably something to look into and work on.

You are honestly so much better off without him. Not surprised he stropped off back to mummy and daddy when you told him he'd have to start adulting.

Yeah… imagine having to move in with someone and being asked to financially contribute to the household! Poor guy, he must have been devastated. Jokes apart I would cancel that hotel reservation and the train tickets and ask for a refund (assuming it was paid with your debit card).

@Alyssah2
The easiest and cheapest way to change your lock is just to get a new cylinder fitted, (it's the central part of the lock) so no new drilling or cutting required.

What a gent, eh? How does he have the right to kick you off of a holiday that you self-funded and allocate your space to someone else?

If you organised the accommodation etc., I'd be tempted to cancel it.

Have you put a CMS claim in?

Sounds like you don't really want him living there. If so then tell him. Don't bother making it about the cat. If you loved and wanted him then the cat would be a minor inconvenience.

Whose name is the booking in? I would cancel the whole thing and not tell him.

Please don’t let him back.

Could you take him to small claims for the money you spent on the trip he prevented you from going on?

It's fecking weird if his mum does go away with him, does she know you paid half, is it a double room booked. I'd message her.

He’s still manipulating you by making you beg for the holiday and hoping you’ll let him move back in to “save” the relationship.

Stay strong.

He will try to "punish" you in any way he can think of because he has not got his own way. This is the modus operandi of the man-child.

He will give you the silent treatment. Refuse to step-up to any parenting. Mess you around with arrangements. Not pick up the phone or answer your messages.

Brace yourself for all of this.

Apply for child support through the official channels.

Don't take any further shit from him.

And please reach out to your health visitor or other professionals about what support and help is available to you locally as a single parent.

Sounds like my arse of an ex, and OP, you are well rid. I wasted a couple of years of my life under the impression it's 'better to keep the family unit together'...... It's not. It's better to have one secure and happy parent than 2 miserable ones and it would be a miserable existence together, he's a cock lodger with a tantrum issue.

You've done so well getting your house as a single parent. Show your child you can succeed on your own. It's not easy, it's knackering but it's less knackering only looking after one child rather than adding an adult - child to it. I lost money, time, patience, energy and sadly, some of the ability to focus on my baby.

Incidentally I'm sat here now, the baby has gone to uni, I'm in a 12 year relationship gaining 3 step children, who as a merged family get on brilliantly, have family holidays, day trips, the ' kids all arrange to go out indepent of us parents etc. Life is good now so don't be thinking it's the baby daddy or nothing. Know your worth

If you need the break go on it still - you paid 50/50 after all.

Block him and only use a parenting app. Block his parents/sister/any of the other flying monkeys. Change your locks. Call CMS. Make formal arrangements for him to spend time with your child outside your home.

He has just handed you a get out of jail free card. Don’t squander it because he will be sniffing round again as soon as he has another bust up with his parents who are now probably desperate to get rid of him and his cat.