Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

Ditch the boyfriend, keep the cat. Not that I'm biased or anything.

Read my update: there was no conversation about him moving in. He was stopping over helping me looking after our child as we were co parenting. Our relationship developed again whilst he stayed over and he hasn’t moved since and insists on staying and bringing his cat

I wouldn’t usually say this but the poor cat needs a home where it’s wanted and cared for. What an unfortunate situation.

If he was just a boyfriend- fair enough to say No to the cat and keep living separately.

But he's your baby's father! If you want him to be your partner (do you?) then I think you should say yes to the cat.

Eh? Plenty of households with children and indoor (temp or not) cats manage just fine

So you've had a child with someone you don't even live with and now think you ought not to live together as a family because of a cat?

You won't be together in twelve months.

I don’t think you actually want him moved in. He’s done it by stealth.

Is he pulling his weight financially or has that just slipped by as well?

He and the cat should both go back to his parents in that case.

Bloody hell, I think the cat is the least of your problems.

You knew he had a cat. Surely there was a discussion about the cat?🤷‍♀️

Well he moves back with his parents then. Maybe once the cat dies of old age you can be a family.

He can't insist on anything, it's your house and if he wants to stay then the cat can't. If he wants to live with the cat then he needs to do it elsewhere, he can't force you to live with the cat. He sounds like a bit of a prick to be fair so maybe this is a good point to end things anyway.

...because he is my baby’s father. He pretty much moved in by accident...

So its not JUST a boyfriend then? Anything else you'd like to drip feed here?

As others have said, it depends how bothered you are about him living with you.

If you want him to stay and the cat is his deal breaker, then you end up with a cat.

If you aren’t bothered about him staying and the car is your deal breaker than you don’t get the cat or him.

🙄

and a baby involved

poor thing

No he’s not pulling his weight financially. I pay over a grand in bills and mortgage, he’s paying 200 which is what he paid in child maintenance whilst we were separated.

I prefer animals to people and in his shoes I'd go where the cat goes.

Well this relationship is definitely going to last.

And your main concern is the cat?

Wow!

What a mess.

Honestly, I think since none of this was discussed, no one is 'wrong' per se.
However I could never leave my cat so if he already had the cat it is understandable that he wouldn't want to be without his cat.
If I was with a person with a pet, I would understand that that person comes with that pet to be honest though.
Really you've got a decision to make if he won't budge (which is understandable if he won't budge).
Accept him with his cat or don't live together

He sounds like one of those "failure to launch" guys who lives with his parents until he finds a female who'll do his washing and cooking.

you allowed him to move in! you must have known he had a cat? as he's only been there a month, send him home again.

The cats weighs 300 kg and goes by the name Tony?

Honesty, I think you have bigger things to worry about than the cat. He sounds like a cocklodgwe. I would be sending him home to his parents. He can over and help with his child but I would be sending him home every evening

Do you actually want to live with him? Because you don’t sound like you do.

You need a proper conversation - he can’t just dictate that he’s moving in formally, with or without cat.