Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

A lot of people here don't seem to have experience of being completely worn down by manipulation and gaslighting, to the extent that yeah - you do lose the ability to take control of your own life. It can be utterly paralysing, especially when you add other things to the mix like a new baby.

It is sadly utterly believable to me that the OP has wound up here

Based on the OP's comments that's not how I see her situation though, she's saying she's holding firm against having the cat or putting him on her mortgage, which is the reason he's given for not contributing to any of his living costs, so he's going to be out soon. They split whilst she was pregnant and his help is just
because she's finding it hard with a newborn. He's not gaslighting, he's just stopped going home and the OP has found it handy to have him around for now.

This is real. I obviously have to think very long and hard about this because the alternative is me being stuck alone as a single mum and struggling to find anyone else to take me and my child on. I’ve got a family unit here so I do need to consider whether it’s worth keeping.

To be honest it sounds like a better solution would be for him to go back to his parents, albeit it that he hates it there, keep paying the £200 and for the OP to get some help at home by advertising for a part time mother's help. As it stands, her living costs have risen with him moving in 'by stealth' and it doesn't sound like there's anything of a relationship on either side, except convenience.

The big question would be if his parents will even have him back.

The big question would be if his parents will even have him back.

Evidently he doesn't need to ask, he can just decide he's living there and turn up on the doorstep.

And if they won’t have him back, it’s not op’s problem to house him.

Not the OP's problem if his parents don't want him back.

Fair point, he's had practise.

sounds like the cats out of the bag

i mean this kindly - learn how to cope - and stop being a pushover

plenty of single mums in the world (hi!) we cope.

Change the locks

Agreed. I do hope op manages to get him out.

Update guys, he’s left

@Alyssah2

Yippee. Did you just say it was over, or did the cat issue force the issue? Has he gone back to his mum and dad?

Thank fuck for that! Did you get the key back?x

@Alyssah2 change the locks just in case. Hope you’re ok.

So we argued about all the issues (cat, not pulling his weight financially etc) and that big argument kinda just ended it. He’s back at his mums. He’s just being really difficult to communicate with Re co parenting or anything. And nope not returned the key yet so I may need to change the locks

@Alyssah2 please change the locks ASAP.

You've done so well. He's shown his true colours so I hope there can now be no doubt in your mind. You deserve so much more.

We had booked a beach trip this weekend and following the argument he said he would take his mum on the trip instead of me. I practically had to beg & plead for him to go with me as I needed the break away but he was adamant he was taking his mum. and that pretty much ended it for me. Thanks everyone

You could keep him out of your house with a simple door wedge or use the chain, until you get the lock changed. Keep your key in the lock but turned 90°.

I know I'm a stranger on the internet, but I am so glad to hear that. Change the locks so he can't come back x

PS @Alyssah2 change the locks anyway in case he copies the key x

Really pleased for you @Alyssah2 . It may not feel quite like it now - but you will be so much better off without him. But change the locks ASAP or you could find him back in the house when you don't want him there. Or he may come in while you are out and cause damage/steal things. Don't chance it

Good luck going forward too.

You will never need to beg again, he's gone, change the locks while he's away and enjoy your own weekend

The problem is if @Alyssah2 needs to go out and he goes in when she is not there.

This is a fantastic update. I get you haven’t had your break away. However, you’re getting a break away from him and that is something to be thankful for.