Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

I’m not sure whether you’re being serious or not. If a plumber came round to fix a broken tap but then kept letting himself back in with a spare key he found, bringing more of his stuff, you wouldn’t just write a post on MN saying “yikes, my plumber has moved in without asking” would you? It’s important to acknowledge that your DP hasn’t “just moved in against your will” but you have allowed him to move in. While you may not be proud of the fact that you have allowed him to move in without discussion, you have played a part in this and have agency. Agency is power. You’re not helpless, don’t dismiss your own power.

And, yes, children are generally better off in 2 parent families. But there’s a caveat - being raised in a home with a deadbeat dad and a mother who thinks any man is better than none has far worse long term implications for a child. Not least because the child will learn that this is an acceptable dynamic and likely end up in a relationship with a deadbeat man themselves. You and your child both deserve better.

OK op so I've only read your post and your responses and it strikes me that your responses are pointing out perfectly valid reasons why thus asshole shouldn't be in your home.

But you're the one who is allowing it!

Tell him to fuck right back off again. And claim cms ASAP.

'I won't find another man to take us on' ?? What the fuck is this? So you're worried (heaven forbid) you might have to be single so you'd rather date this using piece of shit?! Don't be silly!

As for single parent families, they are much better than raising a child seeing ger mother used and abused by a man and his family.

Kick him out and never take him back. Focus on your kid.

The more I read this thread the more irritated I become. Buck him and his mangy cat out before you end up pregnant again.

Very irritating but then I’m guessing that’s the aim
of this post. Cos even the op replies are irritating. Almost like it’s deliberately done to get ppl annoyed here.

It gets worse with every update. I think the cat is the least of your worries

He moved in without any proper discussion
He pays £200 and refuses to contribute more
He's 'telling' you he's bringing his cat in.
Doesn't pull his weight

I think you need to sit down with him and firstly discuss finance. I agree he doesn't contribute towards the mortgage but all other bills should be 50/50 inc food and anything baby related.
Then you agree on the domestic and child labour - that should also be 50/50
If you come to a suitable agreement that you are both comfortable do you agree to continue to let him live in your home. And ONLY then would I discuss the cat.

How did you get him to leave the first time round?

We broke up when I was pregnant, we weren’t living together

Well break up with him again? Then kick him out.

You appear to be missing the overwhelming response from posters on this thread...

why would I need to seek legal advice about him living with me? He barely contributes towards the home, surely he has no stake or interest in my property in such a short space of time with no financial contribution to show for it as he’s paying child maintenance that he was paying anyway.
also we’ve had the discussion. He said he’ll give me a couple of weeks to think about the cat or he’ll move back to his parents. He won’t be paying any extra until the cat is here. My mind won’t change in a couple of weeks so looks like he’ll be out soon

Why isn't he out now?

Why are you so passive?

Because he’s helping look after the baby, which I find very hard to do on my own, hence why he stayed over in the first place to help me cope

Well, think we all know your opinion of people in council houses. Do you say 'a little bit council' as well?

Well you'll have to suck it up then. He moved in by stealth, bringing his stuff over bit by bit. He'll arrive with the cat and there's nothing you can do about it. As you're not willing to do anything.

You've had a baby out of wedlock so marriage can't be that important to you.

Now make sure you never marry him. He's a user and a loser.
Lives at home with his parents and has a cat!
Where's his money? His property?
He's going to use, abuse you and make your life worse.

@Alyssah2 what exactly are you finding hard and what is he doing that you couldn't outsource for what he costs you in electric, food (& soon-to-be cat food and maintenance)?

I've raised DD on my own from the station and I'm sure others have too who can give you some advice.

Exactly OP and that is why he is clinging onto YOU.
YOU are keeping him for free . He is barely paying towards his child’s keep

That would be needed if he did stay long term and things needs to be put in place. Sounds like you don’t need it.

Well he had two options if he didn't like living with his parents

1. grow up, findhis own place and take care of himself

2. find some naive soul to take him in and baby him so he has no responsibilities for another 18 years

He is not your responsibility, the baby is. He is a grown man with options and if he doesn't like his options it is in his power to change them with hard work and motivation

What he's costing you, you could pay a nanny!

If not that then a cleaner

And there wouldn't be a dead weight knocking around the place

Good, he sounds like a cocklodging loser. Tell him you don’t need a couple of weeks to think about it, he can leave now.

Why are you letting him decide the timeframe and issue ultimatums? He contributes nothing to his living costs and he wants to add an animal in the mix. I'd send him packing now. Your not going to change your mind and he's issuing ultimatums. send him back to mummy anf go through CM.

Toughen up or he'll walk all over you. Take the key back, by stealth if necessary and lock him out. Dump his shit on the doorstep and have done with it. Its your house, you have every right to.

@Alyssah2

Im not at all sure why you posted here.

You seem to be very resistant to stacks of common sense advice here.

I'll say again. He's using you. He's found a meal ticket. He should be ashamed.

I do understand needing support with your child but while it means that he allows to stay and call the shots in a house that isn’t his
it is in his interests to make you feel that you can’t cope without him

it is not your responsibility to house him or his pet for that matter