Partner moved in now wants to bring cat

[Alyssah2]

So my partner moved in about a month ago after living with his parents. He has a pet cat. He moved in without the cat and things were going really well. Now his parents and he is saying he has to bring his cat because it’s not his parents responsibility to look after his cat. However I didn’t agree to having his cat stay with us and I wanted a pet free home. I had no intention to have a pet cat and I thought he understood that after he moved in without it. Now they’re saying they come as a package and I have to let his cat in, which I really don’t want to do. I feel that since it’s my house that I bought as a solo homebuyer that I should surely get a say in who I allow into my home. What would you do?

I agree. I know of a man like this. Lives with his relative. And between there and his gf's place.
Got 3 kids one with her two from previous. Ran out of space at his relatives house, so asked his gf if he can have his 2 kids from previous at her place when he has contact.
But she thinks he's a good catch because he is better than the last partner.
Works full time drives is around for his kids.
But quite happy they are all housed by the government.
And obviously no plans of ever properly moving in with his gf or getting a bigger place.

Op as you have a child together, were you not planning on living together one day?

Then tell him to go!!

And if he won't then phone the none-999 police

100%. Or, ideally, you’re friends and co-parents. But live apart and have no joint finances, so you don’t have to carry him through life. The risk of trying to make a go of a live-in relationship for the sake of a kid is that you end up having a bad breakup and then don’t even talk. And may not talk to their family (kid’s GP etc). That’s not great for the kid. It’s usually much better to be co-parented by friends and an extended family who get on and get together at your birthdays etc. Then, your DD will have her dad and his family in her life and no other man needs to ‘take her on’. I suggest you aim to remain financially independent, with him sharing the cost of your child, then you can decide if you want to take on another partner, not vice versa.

£200 month? That’s what i used to pay my mum in housekeeping in the late twentieth century.

Sounds to me the cat isn't the main problem here. Perhaps you want him around to be the father and partner but feel he's not pulling his weight financially. You mentioned cars and takeaway which shows you are watching his spending and not happy he's not contributing towards living expenses. Maybe the answer is to ask him to pay rent (not mortgage but a lodger's fee - check out the room rate in your area) and contributes towards the bills on top of the £200 child maintenance? It might be a new concept to him but he must be aware other people have to pay rent it if they are to live in another person's house.

Send him back to mum & dad.

You don’t have a cat problem, you have a cock-lodger problem.

£200 maintenance, but he has decided himself to live with you and offset what he thinks his costs are against it.

Quite frankly, I’d take the cat and leave the human. He sounds like an utter cock lodger

Can you keep the cat and dump the boyfriend?

Cats don't give a shit about whether they are feeling wanted or not they just do as they please

The £200 is already established and is for the baby - unless he doesn't require council tax, water, electricity, internet, subscription entertainment or food, he now has to pay for that on top.

It’s less of a family unit and more you taking on another dependent. If I were you I would get him to move out until he is financially independent and not a drag on you. If he is serious about you and not just looking for a roof over his head then he can prove it.

You can take his stuff right back out to his parent's house, you realise? Even buying bin bags and a taxi round trip will be offset by the amount you save in not housing him in about 15 minutes!

God I'd just change the locks while he is out and tell him he can pick his stuff up from the garden. No man is worth your peace.

What is he adding to your life? Why are you so focused on being a family unit? You sound like you are very pulled together with your life. You can afford a mortgage on your own salary. All he is doing is adding costs to your life and making demands. Why are you letting him dictate how your life will go?

It sounds like you didn't want him to move in. Take control back and move him out. Where he goes is not your issue. He's 30. He's a grown up and he can sort it himself.

You don't have a "family unit" though.

You have a manchild taking the piss, not paying his way in life and pretending to be a happy family.

You have in-laws that clearly don't want him back either.

Show him the door, be content on your own and one day you may well meet someone to have the family unit you crave. Holding onto this wombat isn't the answer.

This is not a family unit. Send the inadequate parent/cock lodger packing. Remove all keys/change the lock. And fast. And is CM as much as it can be?

Regarding the cat. They might be lovely. Or probably not. Time for the cat to go home as well. PS i have 2 rescue cats. They can be lovely, but not always!

If he can afford to give you £200 per month child maintenance, then he could have afforded to save that money, and have at least £24000 (£2400 per year) saved. He’s got nothing, apart from a cat. Is that who you want to bring in your life and hone?

You’re a young, single , who’s got the housing market and in the current market/cost of living situation that’s impressive. You’ve got guts, determination, foresight etc to get things done, plan your life, move forward. Don’t let thus looser drag you down.

maybe you’ve always wanted the traditional family life, and/or your parents have instil into you the virtues of a traditional 2.4 family. Maybe you thought this was your last chance of achieving it all. However, a bad is worse than no relationship.

@Alyssah2 no, a family unit with this bloke is NOT worth keeping. A single parent who is happy is way better for a child than a dysfunctional family unit. Wait until he goes out and change the locks. You will be bullied by him and his parents continually otherwise, to have the cat!

Why is your default to think, if not him, then you must find another man 'to take you on'. Do it yourself, get some gumption. Why did you give him a key if you didn't want him to stay? Did you say nothing to him when he came back with extra stuff after a few days there? That was your moment to question what the hell he thought he was doing.
Who in the world would say that 2 parents who dislike each other should stay together? That is a crap reason for letting him stay.
He's only able to stay because you are letting him, you can have him removed, or change the locks while he's out at work, it's not that hard, this is why you look so passive. You talk like it's out of your hands, when really, you have always had the choice to say no, and there's plenty you can do about it. I bet the £200 gets mostly swallowed up by losing your single person council tax rebate, so you are far worse off with him.

Get rid of this parasite
It's your house. Tell him to pack up his shit and go

Why did you have a child with him if you think he so worthless?

Not fair there is a housing crisis right now and it doesn't mean he's not a great person he may be saving up for a mortgage etc

You keep going on about keeping the family unit together, sorry but this is not what people mean when they talk about the family unit.

This setup has disaster written all over and your child will grow out thinking this is what a family unit is when it is not.

I see where you are coming from the thing to maintain the relationship for your child, unfortunately the time when you should have made better decisions to avoid dating or having a child with an adult who lives at home, is broke is past and now you're stuck with this catlodger trying to patch together a "family unit".

All I can say at this point is goodluck and I do mean it. Hopefully he can pull himself together and start providing more support to you and your child. Sometimes having a child can be the motivation some deadbeat men need to sit up and do better.

Op has said he’s spent his money on cars and takeaways and has no savings.

Another one for keep the cat! For heaven’s sake get rid of that loser waste of space “man”.

You’re not a single person with no dependents anymore, you’re a mother now and you need to get rid of him for the sake of both you and your child. You’re too old to be letting this slide and enabling it. You’re making excuses as to why you can’t kick him out when you absolutely can. You’re an adult with your own boundaries and house. You’re not a child who has to live their life by anyone else’s rules. Him and his family are cheeky, scrounging scum and his mother is trying to palm her failure off onto you. Absolutely not. He is her problem and hers alone. She can say whatever she likes, it won’t change the truth that he’s not your problem. Don’t just throw him back into the sea, drown the fucker. You can’t afford emotionally or financially not to.

Pack up his belongings, change the locks and if he gives you any threatening behaviour you call the police.

Hundreds of men every day get into relationships with women who have children. Myself and many, many others on here can attest to that. You don’t even need to worry about that right now. Worry about the well-being of you and your baby because your child’s father is a waste of good fresh air and they need one parent to advocate for them having a decent life which they won’t have with him grinding you down on a daily basis. Him and his family are toxic with a capital T! He’s a controlling, self-indulgent delinquent and you are worth a billion times more than that.