OP I had a different username but I was here a few years ago when my DH left on the same day he said it was over. I was completely blindsided, Only peoples posts on here kept me able to even make it to the bathroom at that point.
People kept saying there was another woman. I truly didn't believe there was, as I knew him better he's a straight character and another woman didn't emerge. Years went by.
He met a woman and started dating nearly three years ago. We broke up around 5 years ago. I didn't ask much questions about the two years prior.
All good.
Anyway long story, he's at my house a few weeks ago to see kids (our DD just graduated and he wants the group photo) asks if he can use the bathroom, I say yes and he leaves his phone on the table where I'm sitting and a WhatsUp message flashes across the top of the screen saying something like 'hope to see you later' with hearts and my stomach turns over.
The name of the person is the same as a woman he had briefly dated years ago when we were on a break before we married and the children were young. It's a distinctive name. Not common for a woman with our ethnic heritage. He had also dropped in conversation a few months prior that the woman he's with is a few years older than he is, as he was joining her for a birthday celebration. The woman he had briefly dated during our brief break was also older. I hadn't made any connection. I'm certain it's the same woman.
Now he could have just reinitiated the relationship 3 years ago, but looking back at his behaviour I think he has maintained contact with this woman throughout our marriage. MN Posters were probably right.
It really doesn't matter anymore, but my ex husband also did The Script and acted like he was tortured by his decision, but he was also nasty.
So something - maybe not a full blown affair but something involving someone else, may be purely emotional for now - may be going on with your DH.
Also bear in mind that few of these men who are having a breakdown because of the crushing responsibility of kids and wife remain single after the breakup for long. If it's such a big burden caring for oneself and family, how is it they can suddenly find the energy post-breakup for someone else? A new relationship takes a lot of energy!
My question would be 'are you planning to remain single then? Since you're so stressed? Is he planning to have the snip to ensure he never has any other burden of children to take of in the future? How is a divorce less stressful?
You may receive a very defensive or angry response and that will tell you what this really about, as opposed to a breakdown.