My world has imploded

[slowlygin]

Just found out that my husband doesn’t want to be with me. We have three dependent children together. I have no family to support me here so feeling very alone and scared. I left my job to become a full time mother.
I don’t even know where to start.
any advice will be welcome.

Wrong thread??

DO NOT believe the ''He's having a breakdown'' myth.

He's almost certainly having an affair.

Always, in situations like this ''Cherchez la femme''

That's why 99.999% why he no longer wants to ''be with you''.

Three young children, sex life probably not been exciting?- It's so grimly predictable.

Get legal advice as soon as possible.

This was my ex. He was depressed for a while and then I found out about OW and then he had a massive breakdown. I think all of the lies eventually get to them.

So not fall for the ‘poor me’ breakdown stories. Pure manipulation.

get a very good lawyer and don’t walk away from any assets including his business. Stay calm - he will try to inflame the situation to make you the bad guy.

Oh, what a rat.
I'm so sorry.
But not surprised to read this.

So a new life awaits OP.

Time to focus on you and your needs and get lawyered up.

I am sorry about the latest development but not surprised, have been watching your thread and sort of expected it. Men never leave for an empty bed.

You mentioned that he took his parents out? Brace youself for the fact he may have taken OW with him. Its what they do...

Fucker. I think most of us were expecting it though, it’s the same pattern for a lot of men. Fuckers

I just remembered a post i saw here once - no man jumps unless he has somewhere to land.
All too often it turns out to be true.

I'd have laughed at him. He wants half of everything while demanding you have the children and the associated financial and work - limiting conditions that go with them?

Get a good divorce lawyer. You're definitely going to need one.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Let it go to court if you need to, the judge 9 times out of 10 will give the house to the primary caregiver (you).
Until they are 18 or out of full time education, don’t move, don’t get a job yet as that might change everything. I’m studying to be a solicitor. Do not move out of that house for anything.

your kids will be the priority to the judge and to stop them moving out and more stress on them they will keep you there. Then the house situation can be decided after they reach 18.

This is all contingent on you being in sole custody of the child, joint custody where they will split their time between you both will change some of that.

I hope you are doing ok xx

What are you basing this on, because it's not reality

That's a great analogy!

In a marriage where a MAN leaves, there is always another ''lilypad'' to land on.

When a woman leaves, less so.

This is good advice.

its also likely that once he has legal advice, he will suddenly decide he wants to have the kids 50/50. That will lessen the amount he has to pay to you. Don’t agree if it isn’t the best for the kids.

what he is currently suggesting would be that your DCs live with mum, spend time with dad. But that would see him get less than 50/50.

The not wanting the kids is a bit of a red flag to be honest. He sounds like he isn’t putting them first. Seek legal advice, but then look at mediation. It takes a child centred approach, which will encourage him to think of your kids.

Brace yourself for there being someone else. His attitude smacks of it. And men like this tend to get nasty- they are ashamed of their behaviour, so have to find someone else to blame, and that is most likely you.

Brace yourself for there being someone else

There is. Read her posts.

Ha 50/50 asset split but you get 95% of the responsibility and effort which will seriously affect your earning capacity and he slips off into the sunset! Nice try mate! Get a decent solicitor.

Just caught up!

kind of proves the point though doesn’t it?

Reality, just not the reality of the majority of MN posters I think!

So in your reality a man who's been unfaithful and wants to abandon his wife and kids is likely to be fair financially. You're out to lunch.

@slowlygin

Well, you've had another shocker then. But I think posters on your thread sort of warned you that he wasn't to be trusted, not about the future and not about the past.

I know this is another blow, but remember that it's also confirmation that you are doing the right thing. And remember too that you are stronger than you know.

You'll get through this.

Knowledge really is power at this point.

I am a few months ahead of you, after spending ages telling friends how worried I was about ex mental health, it turned round he was walking about like a ghost because his bosses had found out he was shagging women who were in junior positions and were gearing up to sack him. Completely out of the blue, I always thought he was work obsessed but the obsession was something else entirely.

But I am getting there, about to re-enter the solicitor process with a much firmer mind and hoping to get the divorce finalised this year. He'll be told what I want and if he disagrees, he can lawyer up. Of course I am being terribly unreasonable for even speaking to a solicitor when we can do it all between us, apparently. Nope.

So hard hat on, and agree with a pp about finding moments for yourself. I have had a warm bath, climbed into a big bed of my own with fresh linens and about to finish a book in peace. it's good on the other side, I promise.

I'm glad you're getting your information together.

Keep your cards very close to your chest until you need them. What matters now is protecting your and your DC's futures

So sorry you are going through this but you’ve been given some good advice here and it sounds as though you are taking the right steps. It is so earth shattering when you’ve been lied to and the person you thought you knew and loved is not the person in front of you any more, they feel like a stranger.

As PP have said, you WILL get through this, you will come out the other side and you will be happy again. Amazing the frequency with which a “breakdown” is the first go-to lie when there is already someone else on the scene.

Wishing you strength to deal with the next difficult phase and do post for further support when you need it, now is also a good time to lean on friends. You are not alone.

This. With bells on.