Boyfriend rejects my family

[Workingmim]

My mum has invited my bf and me for lunch. It’s casual and at a cafe. We’ve been together 3 years. He doesn’t want to go. This happens every time we go to see any member of my family or any of my friends. He gets pissed off, kicks up a fuss, and gives me the silent treatment in the lead up. At the event, he’s usually polite but not very engaged and then he will give me the silent treatment. Then we have an argument about it.

He says he hates having to conform expectations put on him by others like playing the role of a boyfriend. He’s 48 and is starting to play a more involved role in my 4 year old’s life who he adores. He is committed to us but this aversion to my family is really making me angry and upset. I’ve tried to understand but I find it very rude that he won’t give my family a chance. They are interesting and kind people who invite him to things to try and include him.

We are going tomorrow and he’s currently sulking in the shed.

Wwyd?

God your poor child. What on earth are you doing with this fucking arsehole ??

He doesn’t sound very nice at all. How come he ‘adores’ your son but is so rude to your family?

He's 48 and acting like a rude 14 year old. How unattractive.

Red flag, he’s trying to isolate you, the silent treatment is abusive. I’d throw this one back.

He gives you the silent treatment? Sulks in the shed? That's manipulative behaviour at best.

Give him the boot. He is trying to isolate you from your family.

I can understand the not liking to play the role of boyfriend although it is immature.

I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone who wrote people off that matter to you, just because he feels an expectation.

If it really is sulking and not anxiety I would not plan to put up with it longer term. It's crossing a line.

He adores your son now. But is kind and mature enough to be positive and kind when he feels the pressure to be a parent?

48?! I thought you were going to say he's 18 or something!

Is there an age difference between you amd therefore maybe he feels embarrassed in front of parents closer to his age?

Fucking hell, your standards are shockingly low and you've ignored every red flag waving you right in the face. Take the blinders off, op. He is abusive and is trying to alienate you from your family.

I’m 42 so not much of a difference

Your dm must be very worried about you and her dgc..

Are you so desperate for a relationship that your need for companionship allows you to tolerate this kind of behaviour, and why would you even want a man like this around your child? It's absolutely baffling.

So he's consistently rejected your family who are presumably decent people who treat you well and love you? He's the problem not them, the silent treatment is childish. Get rid he is not worth it, I don't care if he gets on well with your daughter he's prepared to ruin your relationship with your parents he's a knob.

Interesting that you have addressed this issue and ignored the other 99.99% asking why you are still with him ...

He will be a bad example for your DS of manhood and how to handle relationships, society, expectations, etc, etc.

He's an arse.

How is he having to 'play' your boyfriend if he actually is your boyfriend? Why can't he just be himself? If he extremely shy?

Wow my jaw dropped at his age! Nuts you would put up with this

This.

You do realise he's trying to isolate you op? Next he'll be on about your friends. Then when he has you all alone he'll start raising his fists. Seen it a million times. Story as old as time.

Run from this man and fast.

You are crazy to stay with him.

Oh and no way would I let a man like this anywhere near my kids. Do you really want this man's behaviour modelled to your kids. Yikes.

Wyid? I'd go without him. Why do you have to do everything together?

Get rid OP.
At his age he is fully cooked and will not be miraculously turning into a charming fellow who enjoys spending time with your friends and family and cares what they think of him.

If you must stay with this mean spirited man, do make sure you continue seeing your family and leave him to sulk in his shed if he doesn’t like it.

This

Have you actually discussed and agreed expectations...is the relationship you both living together with joint finances and permanently blended lives?

Or has it always been more of a dating/ independent vibe.

Just wondering if you're both older and not living together, if the deal has been keeping things seperate and he doesn't want that next step? What's actually been agreed?

I don't want children and have to refuse to date men with children as I do find some try to integrate me into their family life by stealth.

(even if I'm more than happy staying away when they're having family time).