To be suspicious of DH .. CONT..

[JustMissNobody]

Hi all,
thank you for your replies, hints and tips. I’ve read them all and made notes. I’m doing ok at the moment, a bit anxious about solicitors app shortly. Had loads of work to catch up today, my heads been a bit foggy and not been able to focus fully.
managed to actually get a good nights sleep last night. Got in bed with a glass of wine and started reading your replies and just woke up this morning with my phone next to me. I don’t know what I’ve been running on but whatever it was must have run out last night!
To answer a few ppl we have 3 DD. 1 completely on dads side, 1 on the fence but thinks I’m acting a bit crazy and need to wait till dh is home to talk and if there is OW then agrees its over, 1 totally thinks he’s been an absolute arsehole and his actions are completely indefensible.
I’ve made a list of questions as suggested here and got all my paperwork together.
ive also found out that his family have been concerned about changes in his character for a while and suspicious of his behaviour and been asking him if he’s ok but he’s just been snappy with them and been avoiding them.
so maybe MH related or aware that his actions will disappoint his family breaking up a marriage of all these years for OW?

Exactly many many posters are shouting LTB, must be another women, take him for all he's worth goading the op on when there is no firm evidence there even is another women.

I really hope it's not a case of a severe mh issue.

Why? The children are grown up now and only one lives at home.

Mainly the cost aside from the fact that it is the hottest time of the year to go to Europe, never mind how busy everywhere will be with families. Odd choice for a man supposedly travelling alone.

Because most people who don’t have school age children, or don’t work in a school, wouldn’t want to go away during school holidays. Costs more and is busy 🤔

He's been a mean husband to her for years. Even if it's not OW, this is not a way to live.
His behaviour has been dreadful.

Did you read all of the other thread though? He’s been secretive and controlling over money for years. This is just the straw

Hope you're doing ok OP and feeling stronger and more informed after your appointment today!

I do hope it can be worked out, in whichever way you want it to. It doesn't sound like it's been good for a number of years so it might be for the best, whatever transpires.

Exactly! Holidays during summer break are extortionate!

Just wanted to say I hope you're doing ok. It must be an awful shock.

He may be having a breakdown, certainly. But his long term behaviour - secretive and selfish around his earnings (OP’s money is apparently ‘family money’, his is just his - WTAF?!), refusing to ever take a holiday with his family - combined with recent behaviour (saying “isn’t it nice when she [OP] isn’t here?” to their youngest daughter) suggests a wide streak of cuntiness which extends far back beyond current circumstances.

And his shutdown defensiveness could indicate major MH struggles - or it could indicate he’s got an OW in the wings and this is just a taciturn, uncommunicative man’s inept stab at The Script.

Either way, don’t you think the OP has an equal right to take steps to protect herself and her own mental health in any way she sees fit, regardless of the ultimate reason for his shocking behaviour?

Hope your appointment went well OP 💐

It’s an expensive time of year to go on holiday when he can only contribute £100 weekly to the household (and hasn’t paid the £100 for two weeks.)

Maybe if your DH's behaviour in general was like this man's, and he callously took himself off on holiday, something that he hasn't provided for his wife and family over 34 years, you might feel differently.

‘In the school holidays’ maybe OW has her own child or she works in education but this is only speculation.

Sending strength vibes to you.

Out of curiosity, has he been in contact at once being away, even a ‘I’m ok’ text?

@Namechangeno19 it's not school holidays in Scotland anymore.

So sorry you’re going through such a bizarre/shitty time OP. Have you had a chance to look in his car, I think you posted that you’d found the spare key?

This is also a man who hasn’t been on a proper holiday in the uk with his family because he doesn’t like them, and hasn’t been away abroad for years, decades, and yet has managed to book a holiday abroad and gone without a sideward glance.

He also got a passport a year ago, ‘for id purposes’ which is perfectly possible , or has he been planning this trip that long?

Maybe he is having a mh crisis, but things don’t add up. Has his business gone bust? Is there another woman (or man, or family)?

Whatever the reason, dh has been hugely disrespectful of his wife.

Good luck, OP, you are being very brave. If there is no OW, what will you do? If that's the case, I hope he starts treating you with more respect x

Thinking of you OP, sending love and strength.

I hope the solicitors appointment goes well. You are incredibly brave and poised.

Have you read the previous thread? If not, might be worth doing so . Husband was vile to OP prior to going away, amongst other things that could be going on. I can't imagine him contacting her whilst away .

Read bits and bobs of these threads. The bit I can't get my head round is the daughter's reaction. I can't ever imagine my girls acting like this as if it's all normal. UNLESS she knows more of course.

I think @Crumpleton has the answer with your DD Op- she loves her dad and can't cope with the idea he's gone off with someone else, that would change her whole image of him. I think if it's an affair she's going to be a very angry young woman.
As the week goes on I'm wondering what your DH will do when he comes home, or if I'm honest, if he will come home at all. He may be used to having his own way but I can't imagine how he thinks he's going to talk his way out of this one.
I really hope your appointment at the Solicitors went well Op

exactly
3 daughters
1 firmly with father and 1 on the fence

leads me to believe that they may well be quite a back story for these girls not to be supporting their mother on the basis of what the OP has outlined on these threads