To be suspicious of DH .. CONT..

[JustMissNobody]

Hi all,
thank you for your replies, hints and tips. I’ve read them all and made notes. I’m doing ok at the moment, a bit anxious about solicitors app shortly. Had loads of work to catch up today, my heads been a bit foggy and not been able to focus fully.
managed to actually get a good nights sleep last night. Got in bed with a glass of wine and started reading your replies and just woke up this morning with my phone next to me. I don’t know what I’ve been running on but whatever it was must have run out last night!
To answer a few ppl we have 3 DD. 1 completely on dads side, 1 on the fence but thinks I’m acting a bit crazy and need to wait till dh is home to talk and if there is OW then agrees its over, 1 totally thinks he’s been an absolute arsehole and his actions are completely indefensible.
I’ve made a list of questions as suggested here and got all my paperwork together.
ive also found out that his family have been concerned about changes in his character for a while and suspicious of his behaviour and been asking him if he’s ok but he’s just been snappy with them and been avoiding them.
so maybe MH related or aware that his actions will disappoint his family breaking up a marriage of all these years for OW?

Hope it went well OP

My relationship of 27 years ended last year and we are now divorced. I don't know who he is now and thought I knew who he was the whole time. @JustMissNobody I hope the solicitors appointment went well.

Hope your appointment went well.

I think the people who are coming in this thread just to question the OP and try to dig holes and make out she's lying ought to just bugger off tbh. She's got enough shit going on without strangers picking her life apart based on what little information they know.

If its a mental health crisis then he should communicate that. Since he hasnt communicated anything of the sort, just acted like a cunt, then i dont think he deserves sympathy

Hope it goes well op

I've got a strange feeling about this. I had a close relative whose behaviour became secretive and snappy with family. He was very ill indeed and was bottling it all up inside himself. He hid trips to the hospital till he couldn't hide it any longer. He passed soon after it all came out. Just because someone is already an arsehole, doesn't mean they can't get sick and become an even worse one.
I'd start looking around in case there are any hospital letters stashed away. His behaviour is indeed vile, and very disrespectful, but there are things beyond mental health and cheating that could be going on.

I obviously can't say that's likely or not here. I'm just trying to point out there can be many scenarios that wouldn't be obvious.

When someone has been so secretive for many years, over work and money, it could even be involvement with illegal enterprises. Wouldn't getting wind of an investigation, in those circumstances, also make one get a passport ready incase of a need to flee.

You can never rule anything out with people who are very secretive.

I just hope OP will be alright in the end.

I hope this isn't going to panic you, but I would try my best to get in touch with him at this stage, as I would be worried he is going to do something harmful to himself.

@JustMissNobody hope it went well today, you've been on my mind 💐

OP, hope your solicitor app went well.

Why are you not getting into his car though? I find it really strange, as obviously there could be something in there that might explain his weird behaviour. Are you afraid of what you may find?

@JustMissNobody 💐

At least I'm glad you earn well and aren't waiting on his meagre amount

Thinking of you today x

I hope all went today

You need to access his car, you have the key. He must be keeping work related things and/or other paperwork somewhere.

Good luck OP. Hope it went well today and helped you.

It appears he’s in touch with at least one DD, who sat with him (in front of OP) helping him choose where to go on holiday without her, but won’t tell OP exactly where he’s staying.

I’d be extremely worried when it’s so out of character and secretive: not been abroad for over 30 years, afraid of flying, doesn’t usually book things etc. But OP has a strong suspicion (and has for some time) there’s an OW. And he appears to have disdain for OP.

Unless he’s been saving for a holiday home for them all and has flown over to exchange contracts before coming back to surprise her!

Joking aside, I’ve been thinking of you today OP. Sending strength your way.

If he's only been contributing £100 a week for a long time he might have been hoarding money for a long time with a view to leaving, or gambling who knows. It does look suspect though.

I think this too. It’s making me feel really anxious for her thinking about it, as this is her only chance, while he’s away and the daughter is at work.

If there’s nothing there, then there’s nothing lost, but she could be kicking herself that she didn’t do it a few days/weeks down the line.

Please please do check it out OP you could find that key piece of info that makes things clearer as to what is actually going on with him.

Yes, I read the whole of the other thread thanks

My post stands.

So could the OP and her H doesn't give one fuck.

I've been thinking of you today OP. Hope you're ok x

TBF, none of us know if OP has accessed the car or not. She may have done so and not found anything or she might have decided against it for whatever reason.

I really hope the solicitor was hard-nosed, sceptical and very experienced.

I also hope you've managed to eat this evening, @JustMissNobody, and can get a good night's sleep!

Well ,given that both threads are about his odd behaviour that is extremely out of character , I don't think anyone would expect him to suddenly contact the OP whilst away?
Anyway, as you were..