To be suspicious of DH .. CONT..

[JustMissNobody]

Hi all,
thank you for your replies, hints and tips. I’ve read them all and made notes. I’m doing ok at the moment, a bit anxious about solicitors app shortly. Had loads of work to catch up today, my heads been a bit foggy and not been able to focus fully.
managed to actually get a good nights sleep last night. Got in bed with a glass of wine and started reading your replies and just woke up this morning with my phone next to me. I don’t know what I’ve been running on but whatever it was must have run out last night!
To answer a few ppl we have 3 DD. 1 completely on dads side, 1 on the fence but thinks I’m acting a bit crazy and need to wait till dh is home to talk and if there is OW then agrees its over, 1 totally thinks he’s been an absolute arsehole and his actions are completely indefensible.
I’ve made a list of questions as suggested here and got all my paperwork together.
ive also found out that his family have been concerned about changes in his character for a while and suspicious of his behaviour and been asking him if he’s ok but he’s just been snappy with them and been avoiding them.
so maybe MH related or aware that his actions will disappoint his family breaking up a marriage of all these years for OW?

I'm glad you've started a new thread. I've been thinking about you a lot.

FWIW, I don't think it's another woman but you are certainly doing the right thing in ending the marriage.

Sending you some strength for today op , it's gonna be a difficult few weeks hun xxxx

I hope the solicitor is able to clarify things for you.

Some posters have suggested that the OP be away on a break herself when he gets back. Personally I wouldn't. He could change the locks whilst she is not there, or the DD who still lives there might do it on his behalf.

The DD who is supporting her father - is she the oldest?

I really hope the solicitor goes well

Sounds like from what the family are saying - there is a lot going on. But whatever reason he's gone - MH, money, OW, midlife crisis, - he hasn't considered you in the slightest. And that is all you need to know.

Thank you for starting a new thread, OP

I hope you’re ok OP. One silver lining is that his behaviour of late for whatever reason has actually made you realise how bad this relationship has always been and how badly you’ve been treated throughout.

Good luck 👍 💙

How awful.
I hope the appointment with a solicitor has given you some assurance.

As the DD that is siding with him is close to her dad I do wonder if she's doing so because the alternative is if it's true about another woman it bursts her bubble, so to speak, of what a wonderful man he is and her feelings for him could possibly change forever.

Maybe she just doesn't want to face it that her dad would be so cruel.

Good luck OP, it sounds very weird from his part.

I know you weren't keen to look in the car, but I really think that you should.IF this ends in divorce you will need a clearer picture for your solicitor of earnings etc for any financial settlements. Have a think about it, don't rule it out.

I’m glad to see this op, I’ve been following it. For your sake I hope It’sa mental breakdown. Horrible behaviour either way. I don’t want to derail, but I never quite understand the emphasis on changing locks, am I missing something? Surely if my dh changed the locks I would just break in and change the locks back and vice versa? What would it actually achieve?

Best of luck today @JustMissNobody . Your emotions must be all over the place. Will be thinking of you x

Its good his family have noticed a change. OW or not he’s been secretive over money for years. There is no excuse for no family holidays and then buggering off to a secret location. OP deserves better.

Glad to see these updates, OP, very invested in the outcome for you.

I hope you get some answers

Good luck op,

Knowledge is power OP, so I would be turning off the Ring doorbell if within range, and having a very very good look through the car.

Check the satnav if built in, check what the radio is tuned to (his usual? Or not) , check litter, boot, spare wheel company, everything.

You might find nothing, you might find something that strengthens your resolve, illuminates your understanding, or that gives you evidence to counter any lies or gaslighting he might attempt on his return.

Do not involve any of your DD’s in this, or let them know that you have his spare key.

Really sorry you are in this position, well done for getting through your work today.

Good luck OP! Stay strong, you can do this!

OP, I know you are trying not to out yourself, but can you share which country he’s gone to?

Has he gone to Tenerife, or are we talking some remote place in Eastern Europe.

I’m thinking he’s met someone online, and he’s gone to meet them.

Like I said in previous thread it's very odd that he has gone away over school holidays!

Good luck today. I wouldn’t like to bet if this is OW or MH but either way he has been totally inconsiderate and unreasonable. Buggering off to a different country without letting your spouse know you’re ok etc etc is really awful.

Glad to see you posted another thread.

Hope the solicitor is helpful today.

Please do check out his car, but tell nobody! x

Thinking of you Op. what an awful situation to find yourself in. Be strong x