To be suspicious of DH .. CONT..

[JustMissNobody]

Hi all,
thank you for your replies, hints and tips. I’ve read them all and made notes. I’m doing ok at the moment, a bit anxious about solicitors app shortly. Had loads of work to catch up today, my heads been a bit foggy and not been able to focus fully.
managed to actually get a good nights sleep last night. Got in bed with a glass of wine and started reading your replies and just woke up this morning with my phone next to me. I don’t know what I’ve been running on but whatever it was must have run out last night!
To answer a few ppl we have 3 DD. 1 completely on dads side, 1 on the fence but thinks I’m acting a bit crazy and need to wait till dh is home to talk and if there is OW then agrees its over, 1 totally thinks he’s been an absolute arsehole and his actions are completely indefensible.
I’ve made a list of questions as suggested here and got all my paperwork together.
ive also found out that his family have been concerned about changes in his character for a while and suspicious of his behaviour and been asking him if he’s ok but he’s just been snappy with them and been avoiding them.
so maybe MH related or aware that his actions will disappoint his family breaking up a marriage of all these years for OW?

Echoing this sentiment. Take all the time you need to plan your next steps. Wishing you peace and strength at this stressful time. 💐

Personally I think enough of the daughter posts, can we move the focus back to the OP and the H's behaviour?
OP - if you haven't switched your phone off - take this time to think what you want. I've been single 12 years, I've travelled more in that time than when I was (23 years) married. I always wanted to see Italy (him "what, just walk around looking at things ..?") - been half a dozen times, on my own and with "solo" groups. Life is for living, you're not the filler in other peoples lives.

Do you mean OP, or another poster?

You almost will fill this thread too.

Its the poster seemingly ongoing silence on what she wants to do. This is all shocking. Is it really just a thread for women to read something instead books

it's beginning to look that way. Not everything makes sense to me. Just when you think there should be a conclusion, a new drama rears it's head, often egged on by suggestions from various posters.

Cheeky little cow. Nobody needs to assess affordability for having children to include a 26 year old “child” still living at home for free, demanding laundry and food.

I’d let her and your husband go off and make a life together. You’ll feel so free!

Give it a rest with the troll hunting. It’s already put one OP off coming back this week, when everyone was invested in the thread. Just report it quietly if you think it’s a troll.

When I went through something and put my issue on Mumsnet, I had pages of responses and at first I felt supported.

But then those responses became pressure, some insulting because I was not hastily rushing into the advised direction. And they became upsetting and stressful to read.

When you are facing such big decisions and turmoil and upheaval, you can’t do things at the pace that posters here demand.

Op, if you continue to read this, do what’s best for you. If you didn’t go away and wanted to stay home and try to talk, it’s your life and obviously right for you. If you want to try to work on this for now, then that’s right for you. If you want to divorce in record time, as long as that’s your decision, do what’s right for you. I

agree for posters, it’s easy to forget that this is real life. The poster might be feeling that pressure, so may not want to post as frequently. This is your life op and whatever happens, you take it at your pace and do what makes you comfortable. You don’t owe anyone here anything. 💐

Totally agree

I agree too, the Op @JustMissNobody has had an awful week now she has gone to get some peace and quiet, and probably to think.

Let's not squabble amongst ourselves, and let's stop slagging the daughter off ! I don't expect it is helping !

If / when the op decides what she is going to do, I think it will all fall into place re dd.

and let's not get to page 40 ! before the Op gets a chance to come back...

Hi all sorry, quite an emotional night, way too much to drink and overthinking. Head is just blah at the moment. Thought this would help but not sure it is. I do appreciate the support and advice and things that ppl have said to do that I possibly hadn’t thought to do. Everything is a whir at the moment and I’m just trying to slow it all down in my mind. Will come back when I’m a bit more level headed x

We're on your side no matter what. Enjoy your kip and don't feel pressured to reply

@JustMissNobody remember this time is to evaluate what you want and reflect on how you are being treated. Don't get mixed up in other thoughts right now.

• Do you want a partner that tells your children its better when you are not there?

• Do you want a partner that wont go on holiday with you?

• Do you want a partner that thinks its 100% acceptable to just say i'm going on holiday and leave without telling you anything about where he's going or why you've not been invited etc

• Do you want a partner that will tell his children where he is going but will not tell you his wife and seems to blame you for this.......

• Do you want to have a partner that is so secretive (not letting you see financials or even the inside of his car)

• Do you want to be in a relationship that is clearly showing giving your DD a just plain weird model of a "healthy relationship" (even though she's in her 20's..... as a mum I'd never want my DD to be in a relationship that went on as you have described yours in recent years)

Was that the cruise one? Tbh that thread was just everyone trying to work out a riddle

I can see we are getting near to page 40 so I will end it here and say thank you to each and every one of you 💐
I will be filing for a divorce, the marriage is over and dd and I will be having a proper conversation when I return on boundaries. Either things change or she finds somewhere else to live. I am done being taken for a fool anymore.
i need to put me first now
love to you all x

Take your time and evaluate what you want and need.

lots of people are invested in your story and want to see right done by you, whatever that looks like. I mean you’ve nearly filled two whole threats. Shows people really care which is lovely.

… but you have to take care of yourself. If you’re not getting anything out of being away, if nothing else it will make him sweat. One thing is for sure you both need to have it out once and for all. Lay your cards on the table and don’t stand for the shitty ways you have been treated.

@JustMissNobody best of luck for the future, you are an amazing woman and great mum x

Wishing you all the very best OP.

You sound like a lovely person and I truly hope you find the happiness you deserve.

Stay strong x

Good luck OP.
Do come back and let us know how you’re doing.

Well done you. I’ve read everything but not commented. I cannot believe how much love and support you have offered your husband and youngest child, only to have it thrown back in your face. I can imagine how sad you feel right now. You were treated badly by your mother, and it does seem that your husband has continued the abuse. Please please find a good counsellor to work through these issues. You deserve so much better

Make sure you comeback with a username JustMissSomebody 🙌

Best wishes and good luck for the future 🍾

All the best OP!

@JustMissNobody I think it's for the best- it's not as if it's a one off disrespect- it's many years of taking the piss -good luck to you x