What would you do?

[Airyfairy1985]

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

You need to Google love bombing.

It's common for abusive men to love bomb then randomly vanish then come back with a shit excuse. To see if you'll accept it.

Seriously op you've known this guy a week and this is all very creepy. Whirlwind are not usually a good thing. Be on your guard.

If he wanted to get in touch with you he could

I do understand love bombing and have been a victim of it before.

We've known each other for a month now, I do appreciate what you're saying I guess my point was more, what would you do if you thought this could be genuine human error and he's messed up and lost his phone?

Ps: he had blocked you.
That's why your messages are not getting through. He's also hiding his social media updates. THAT is the simple answer.

Maybe he has a partner he doesn't want to know about you or vice versa.

Either way, do not re engage with this person. And take some time single to reevaluate why you've allowed someone to love bomb you to the point of talking about feelings one.month.in. Because its really not healthy.

Well the only physical way would be to turn up at my house which I would highly doubt he would think would be appropriate

No, i'm not blocked, I can still see his profile pic etc, I do genuinely think something has happened with his phone but either way, it's not a great sign is it

Don't most people have smartphones now? With Google accounts, Samsung accounts, Apple ID etc, which back up all your info?

I broke my phone a month ago, within 24 hours I had a new one and had downloaded all my crap from the cloud and it was like the phone was never gone. I find it hard to believe in this day and age of communication that he'd have absolutely zero means of contacting you if he broke his phone.

Fucking hell, some people must be in a really dark place to automatically spring to the worst scenario, and be so intent that its the truth....

OP if you feel it's not lovebombing, create a social media account, or messenger and get in touch that way. Don't bring his work into it, massive overstep there. Get rid of the account when you have received your answer

Blocking does not stop you seeing his profile pic (at least on WhatsApp...and I think text?) It just stops texts from sending.

Thanks I agree, definitely not going to email him at work, I think I just have to leave it, a shame as I definitely didn't imagine our connection, i'm a very seasoned dater and tend to be able to sniff out wronguns from the offset

I have someone blocked on WhatsApp and can still see his profile photo.

And if he’d broken his phone he could access his SM via the online version and let people know.

Unfortunately like many on OLD he’s taken the cowards way out and ghosted you

I'm pretty 100% sure blocking on whatsapp means you don't see their profile picture, the logical part of me thinks it would be a lot of effort to go to to keep your phone off for a week for me, when the more simple solution would be blocking like you say, and because he hasn't posted on social media, that's what makes me think he's lost phone and maybe got a replacement number, either that or he's dead!

I'm pretty 100% sure blocking on whatsapp means you don't see their profile picture

It doesn’t - I can still see the profile photo of someone I’ve blocked

Yes that's because you've blocked him, he won't be able to see your profile picture, that's how I know i'm not blocked, I can see his status, photo etc, definitely not blocked

Have you tried calling his number and leaving a Voicemail? That way if his phone is broken he’ll pick up your message when he has a new phone.

You said you met online, will he not be able to contact you via your profile?

If I was in your shoes I’d leave it.

Yes because you've blocked them! not the other way round

I'm sorry but you're wrong about WhatsApp. What happens is you don't see any picture updates. So you still see their picture but if they changed it you wouldn't see that change. It doesn't stop you seeing their profiley but as it was when they blocked you.

I'm not sure about text. But that's how WhatsApp works. And you'll know it's blocked if you message him and only one grey tick appears.

You don’t actually know him after only one month. You have no idea if this is true.

Quite

Phone goes straight to 'can't connect call' which again indicates it's off and annoyingly he doesn't have voicemail, i came off the OLD site a while ago, not because of him, just because I needed a break

I agree, I will have to leave it to fate!

Just tested this by asking my husband to block me. I can still see his picture but couldn't see it when he changed it, so pp are right that it's entirely possible he's blocked you. Sorry!

I just wouldn't give it anymore headspace to be honest.

I think you’ve been ghosted. If he knows your address and he likes you, there’s nothing to stop him from popping a note through your door, asking you to contact him. If he hasn’t done it, then he doesn’t want to.

I know it’s really shit to think you’ve met someone lovely who has just lost their phone, only to have them turn out to not be lovely after all, but he knows your name, he knows where you live, he presumably knows where you work and where you like to go on which days, and who your friends are. If he wanted to track you down or get in touch, it wouldn’t be difficult for him. But he hasn’t done it. Why wouldn’t he have done it?

And, more importantly, if you’ve been the victim of love bombing before, how have you got yourself back there?

If he’s ‘not posting’ on SM he’ll just be posting things for friends and acquaintances not public. In FB you can choose for each post who the audience is so his performative ‘showing you’ of his public profile means nothing if you’re not friends on there.

If you hear hooves don’t think zebra. He hasn’t lost his phone or died, he’s ghosted you. Sorry. It’s shit.

FWIW someone found me and friend requested me on FB from just my first name and the town I live in, so if you want to make yourself discoverable to him in case he is keen but just doesn’t know how else to find you, make a FB profile with an obvious pic of you as your profile pic. But honestly, he has options if he knows where you live, even sending a letter or some flowers with his new phone number if he needed to reach you without turning up at your house.

You can still see a profile photo if you're blocked, just not any updates to it.

I think you're blocked too OP. Sorry - it's the most likely explanation. The wrong 'uns can still get through even to the most seasoned dater!