What would you do?

[Airyfairy1985]

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

😂

This again!!! You're wrong I'm afraid, tried and tested with several people, profile pic disappears immediately when blocked.

He KNOWS where you live and has not dropped in a note!? Presumably he knows where you work and has not called you....hello!!

Hello!! No he doesn't know where I work and he's been to my house a few times but he's not from the local area at all, as explained previously as well, due to neurodiversity he doesn't remember details, numbers, etc, this is a v common trait with people who have certain neurodivergent traits and who are also dyslexic. Again, not making excuses, just stating facts. I wouldn't ever expect him to remember my home address, honestly

Jesus the amount of people saying he's blocked you must be complete technophobes or just missing the point entirely. OP as you have quite rightly stated, no you're not blocked if you can still see his profile picture, and the fact that the number is not connecting through any phone implies, to me, that he has not ghosted you. I'm more leaning towards maybe he has had an emergency or an accident, something along those lines. Does he do any work or anything that would require him to be out the country? Also quite simply could've just lost/broken his phone! Do you have any other means at all of getting in contact with him?

I agree with you OP, I would need to know..people telling you he has definitely ghosted you and just move on aren't in your shoes. if you've invested time in someone and really like them and you haven't been blocked and other things seem odd and unusual of course you want to consider all options before thinking the worst! Why don't you call his work asking to speak to him. Just don't say your name, make one up. Then you'll find out if he's there or somethings happened to him. If he's there then I'd forget about him and hang up. If he is in hospital or prison or left the country they will say he's not going to be available for some time etc... you might be able to get a bit more info out of them. The only way I'd forgive him is if he's in a coma though! You need to know for your own peace of mind, it'd really annoy me not getting a clear answer so I'd have to find out.

Do you have any stared contacts?
Have you tried fb messenger?

Yup just readded him on Facebook and messaged him. It turns out we do have a few mutual friends, and weirdly someone I know through my kids, I have dropped this mutual friend a message and he said he last saw him a few weeks ago and got the impression he was going through a difficult time but 'seemed ok', it's a bit awkward to press for any more detail as I don't know this person that well.
Social media is really my only option right now as I don't know where he lives, only where he was staying temporarily over the summer.
He doesn't seem to be connected to any of his family on Facebook either annoyingly.
Oh and the work thing is difficult as he works in a sector which means he as the summer off so not currently working at all.

I genuinely do hope you are right. I guess we are all quite cynical on here unfortunately. Maybe this IS on of the few times there is a genuine excuse.

OP all these (including him) sound like hard work to me. Are you sure you are that keen on him?

I'm presuming he hasn't seen the fb message?
How strange. I hope he is ok. It could be if he has MH problems he has become overwhelmed and shut down a bit , but then I'd have expected him to deactivate fb tbh.
Are your WA messages going through as two grey ticks??

Thank you, and its good to be cynical believe me I am the worst cynic when it comes to this shit but something feels different about this situation.
Atm Facebook messenger isn't delivered and WhatsApp messages have been on one tick for the last week. Which again all indicates he has no access to his phone at all.
Again could be totally wrong but if he has been arrested and had his phone taken away it would explain it, or that's just a red herring and he's had some kind of mental breakdown. It's just so frustrating, I do like him a lot, it sounds pathetic but I just really clicked with him. Doesn't mean I will give up on dating though, but I'm struggling to find momentum with other guys until I can draw a line under this.

OP whatever the scenario, this seems like a lot of work for someone who has only been in your life for a few weeks or months. I guess for you, you want some closure and he's just not giving it to you. The not knowing is the worst bit but I think that you have had a lucky escape, if he has done this to you so early in a relationship then he will most likely do it again. As for losing his phone, well he's only got to get a new sim card with the same number from his provider, log back in to whatsapp and your older messages should be there so if it really is meant to be he will find you again but also he might not.

Yup I agree it sounds totally bonkers, thing is imagine the scenario, you meet a guy you really like, you really click, for me this happens RARELY, and I was excited to see what might happen..Then one day, boom, he disappears, BUT not just by breadcrumbing you or blocking you, but totally vanishes online completely.
Then you get a random phone call from a prison where he may have been arrested. I mean it is insane, I know myself once I've exhausted all possibilities I will get over it and let it just fizzle and move on. The lack of closure it's what affected me mainly, but this feeling won't last forever.

OP you did the right thing sending the Fb request, you’ve given him the benefit of the doubt and taken a not too intrusive step towards getting some answers. He can get a new number but he will sign into Fb at some point and you will have your answer. Just try to let it go and don’t dwell on anything in the meantime.

Remember that rarely clicking with anyone isn’t failure. I’ve been on millions of dates and not clicked with many of them although I am seeing someone at the moment, but I have been through times when I just couldn’t see it happening.
if it’s him in prison, well that’s the last thing you need.

I think if it was him calling from prison he would have left a message.
Is normal text not going through in either green or blue?
If but, think his phone is off or broken.

If not

Is he in London? I know a couple of men who had their phones stolen, one in Ole and Steen. Both couldn't get in contact with anyone until they got new phones and access to the iCloud. One took a few weeks as it turned out one of the stolen phones was used is some dodgy raid. His phone, and iCloud, were frozen while the police investigated. I know this is genuine as the police called me as my number was on this phone. I was part of the investigation!! I was mortified at the time. He couldn't contact me as he didn't know where I lived, nor my full name. It took a while for him to access his iCloud details (where my details were). Other one had his phone stolen after putting his phone down and some young lad came in and did the newspaper trick to grab it. He borrowed a phone from his aunt and was able to access his iCloud and contact me (we are still friends to this day and he's a lovely, genuine man).

It's possible! Hope so, as you sound really keen on him.

Phone charger port could be broken - this has hay to both my sons at some point so the phones were off. But you'd think he'd have a replacement unless he's reallly broke.

Yes my son couldn’t access his iCloud for a while as the person who stole it changed his Apple ID Password and it took 2wks to get that back

Shamelessly Placemarking to follow the updates!

And me🙈

Did you ring the prison back? 🤓

On FB messenger, sometimes messages from people who aren't your contacts go to a different folder and you have to accept them so that may be why he's showing as not sent.

Another option is he's married/in a relationship and has a burner phone he uses for dating/sex and that's the number you have (hopefully not).

What prison is it? Not all prisons accept newly arrested prisoners so that might be a clue.

Lastly, you allude to him having complex needs/being chaotic. Is that the sort of guy you want to get involved with, however lovely he is?

I hope there's a reasonable explanation for you/you manage to find out.