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Original poster

What would you do?

441 replies

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 10:55

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

OP posts:
SleepPrettyDarling · 16/08/2024 01:08

Sorry to say if he wanted to contact you, he would. He’d find a way.

Sinderalla · 16/08/2024 01:11

He will get signed back in to WhatsApp. Your number will be there, from old messages, saved as a contact or not.
He can even go through a phone bill to get your number.
Where there's a will there's a way.

Leave him be for now.

Catoo · 16/08/2024 01:19

As PP have said, he would have been in touch if he wanted to.

Just like you can find ways to contact him, he could do the same.

I don’t think he’s separated from his wife. My guess they are still very much together. That’s why he's got these bullshit stories about ‘temporary accommodation’ etc etc.
Maybe she found his second phone that he cheats with and he’s has to get rid of it.

Move on OP and don’t try any other ways to contact him.

BobbyBiscuits · 16/08/2024 01:55

I think emailing him at work is a bit weird. Imagine if any old person from OLD started contacting you via your work email. Even if you liked them it would still seem off, unless you actively gave it out and said use it.
I think it's unlikely he's lost his phone and contacts. Most people would have that stuff backed up. I know you don't want it to be but I'd take it as a ghosting.

cowboybootsonglassfloor · 16/08/2024 02:51

Christ OP. Get a grip.

Moonshine5 · 16/08/2024 04:47

You sound naive.
Do you really believe him not contacting you is because his phone is broken ?
Ghosting means to fall out of someone's life which he has done to you.
Many people have two phones one for personal and the other for everything else.

63isMe · 16/08/2024 08:18

It turned out he’d been arrested and his phone seized by police
🫤🫤🫤

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 16/08/2024 11:49

Thanks for all the helpful comments, I did add him as a friend on facebook but then I clocked his relationship status was in a relationship so I think that's when I realised I have been in denial and yes, naive. So I cancelled the friend request and have deleted all his contact information. I will learn a lot from this for the next guy I meet, I do think there was lovebombing and I should have pulled back on that, it's so hard when you've been feeling lonely and someone comes along to make you feel good but I realise now this is not right and it shouldn't be what I need to feel fulfilled.

OP posts:
meimei80 · 16/08/2024 13:32

Airyfairy1985 · 16/08/2024 11:49

Thanks for all the helpful comments, I did add him as a friend on facebook but then I clocked his relationship status was in a relationship so I think that's when I realised I have been in denial and yes, naive. So I cancelled the friend request and have deleted all his contact information. I will learn a lot from this for the next guy I meet, I do think there was lovebombing and I should have pulled back on that, it's so hard when you've been feeling lonely and someone comes along to make you feel good but I realise now this is not right and it shouldn't be what I need to feel fulfilled.

What. A. Dick. Vultures like him prey on the hopes and vulnerabilities of women - the 'nice guy' act and all that.

I really hope you find someone good.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 16/08/2024 15:09

meimei80 · 16/08/2024 13:32

What. A. Dick. Vultures like him prey on the hopes and vulnerabilities of women - the 'nice guy' act and all that.

I really hope you find someone good.

Show quote history

Thank you, and I know I will, as hard as it is I feel all these experiences help you learn so that when you are in the right place, you will be open to meeting the right kind of person and not falling for the wrong ones

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 16/08/2024 16:11

Dipstick. What really pisses me off about these men is that that there may be women out there who will be happy to have a casual, no strings shag no questions asked if they really want sex but why would a woman looking for love want to sleep with someone else's husband or partner and listen to their flannel? It's interfering with someone's morals as well as their feelings and time. Warped and very needy to need to hoodwink someone rather than just fulfil a sexual need.

Cazzaloins · 19/08/2024 16:24

Pinkbonbon · 15/08/2024 11:12

I'm sorry but you're wrong about WhatsApp. What happens is you don't see any picture updates. So you still see their picture but if they changed it you wouldn't see that change. It doesn't stop you seeing their profiley but as it was when they blocked you.

I'm not sure about text. But that's how WhatsApp works. And you'll know it's blocked if you message him and only one grey tick appears.

Actually you are wrong. I can tell when I’ve been blocked as the persons pic goes grey and can no longer see it

Wouldhavebeenproficient · 19/08/2024 16:28

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 11:02

Well the only physical way would be to turn up at my house which I would highly doubt he would think would be appropriate

Show quote history

If he knows where you live, he could write to you. Quick postcard: So sorry Airyfairy, dropped my phone down the loo! Please get in touch my email address is... or something like that. Or he could pop a note through your door.

I'm really sorry but if he was keen he would go out of his way to let you know what happened.

notanotheronenow · 19/08/2024 17:18

Airyfairy1985 · 16/08/2024 11:49

Thanks for all the helpful comments, I did add him as a friend on facebook but then I clocked his relationship status was in a relationship so I think that's when I realised I have been in denial and yes, naive. So I cancelled the friend request and have deleted all his contact information. I will learn a lot from this for the next guy I meet, I do think there was lovebombing and I should have pulled back on that, it's so hard when you've been feeling lonely and someone comes along to make you feel good but I realise now this is not right and it shouldn't be what I need to feel fulfilled.

Does it look like he actively uses his account? As some people left Facebook years ago and just haven't updated their profile. It could be from his ex, if she removed/updated the relationship connection it would just say "In a relationship" on his (no name of who he is in the relationship with).

newleafontheplantjohn · 19/08/2024 17:30

Hi @Airyfairy1985 has he been in touch at all?

Sorry if it turns out he has been messing you around.

Ohnobackagain · 19/08/2024 17:39

@Airyfairy1985 maybe the ‘in a relationship’ referred to you. I’m with you on this … would just want to know.

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 19/08/2024 17:43

Thanks everyone, so the mystery still remains, yes the 'in a relationship' is not linked to any profile so you might be right. He's an active social media user on Insta and Facebook and no posts for 2 weeks now. His phone is still off. V weirdly, and this could be purely coincidental but earlier today I had a missed call from a London prison, this could be a mistake from a wrong number, or it kind of would make sense. Either way, it doesn't sound like it's going to end well! If I hear anymore I'll keep you posted! 😫

OP posts:
Notherefortheclout · 19/08/2024 17:51

Can't you call the prison number back and see who it was?

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 19/08/2024 17:53

Yeah I tried but it doesn't work like that, if any inmates want to contact you they have to security clear your number first before you accept the call, I just missed it as I was working. I have no idea if its him or not but would be a explanation as to why he's totally vanished.

OP posts:
Anonym00se · 19/08/2024 18:31

@Airyfairy1985 Have you tried googling his name? If he’s been sent down it might be in a local online newspaper. Unless he’s a serial axe murderer, in which case it would be headline and you’d have dodged a massive bullet.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2024 18:34

Just writing something pointless so I can follow the updates easily.

Teacherprebaby · 19/08/2024 18:53

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 10:55

I'm in a bit of a tricky dating scenario, I met this guy OLD a few weeks ago and in a short space of time we've hung out a lot and both admitted we've formed a really great connection.

We've been in touch a lot, but in the last week his phone has stopped receiving any messages and I've also noticed he's not posted anything on social media (i'm not on social media but he showed me his profile which is public). I've not been checking in a stalkerish way more than he's completely vanished and I was confused and concerned as to what's happened to him.

The only conclusion I can come to is that he's lost/broken his phone and has lost his contacts, he has to have a phone for work and to contact his kids so this is nothing to do with me, I'm also not blocked on whatsapp or anything like that so it seems like this is the likely scenario.

I guess I'm thinking I could just leave it to fate and assume I will never hear from him again, but if he has lost all numbers he won't be able to contact me in any other way, the only thing I could do is email him at this work address but I can't decide if that is total pyschopath behaviour, although due to his work, his email is easily available by a simple Google search.

What would you do?

Absolutely do not.

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 19/08/2024 18:54

I am so curious about this now.... I think whatever has happened, it's not great that he's not reached out. Even if he was having come sort of crisis, a simple message to say he's not well but will reach out when he is would be better than nothing. But the relationship status is kind of telling, given he is an avid social media user you'd imagine this is up to date?

Original poster
Airyfairy1985 · 19/08/2024 18:58

Anonym00se · 19/08/2024 18:31

@Airyfairy1985 Have you tried googling his name? If he’s been sent down it might be in a local online newspaper. Unless he’s a serial axe murderer, in which case it would be headline and you’d have dodged a massive bullet.

Yup,.can't find anything yet, if it's not him then it's by the by but if it is obviously I get my answer. In any case his Facebook account is years old and I imagine at some point he will start posting again so I will know if he's back online.
I have so much content for when I write my dating memoirs 🤣

OP posts:
Teacherprebaby · 19/08/2024 18:58

Airyfairy1985 · 15/08/2024 11:10

Yes that's because you've blocked him, he won't be able to see your profile picture, that's how I know i'm not blocked, I can see his status, photo etc, definitely not blocked

Show quote history

You are blocked. You can still see the photo of someone who blocks you, have you not googled this? If you've been love bombed before and it's happened again...therapy.