MORTIFIED, he didn’t turn up to meet the family!

[Maisiexo]

Absolutely mortified! Boyfriend (well ex now) has been pestering to meet my family for ages now. I finally organised a meal which included myself and boyfriend, DF and his partner, DGPs and DB for yesterday at mine. Boyfriend seemed very happy to be meeting them. It’s been difficult finding a weekend where they were all free as DS works shifts and DF works away.
It was planned for 3pm. I spent all of the previous night and yesterday preparing a 3 course meal from scratch. Boyfriend isn’t from here so included dishes from his country too.

I messaged in the morning to confirm 3pm would still be good for him. He said yes and I got everything ready.

At 2:15pm I get a message off him saying he will come after 4pm instead as he wants to go to the gym “in a bit”and shopping beforehand! No apology for being late. I explained that the food was already in the oven and I didn’t know if my family would be able to stay that long as they had other arrangements for later on in the day. He then tried to turn it around on me saying that my family obviously weren’t that interested in meeting him if they couldn’t be bothered to wait an extra hour and a bit to meet him. 😦

I told him I found it very rude that he was trying to turn this back on me and has dropped me in it with my family. He then blocked me and never turned up. He rang off a no caller ID a couple of hours later but I didn’t answer

By the time he blocked me it was almost 3 and my family arrived a few minutes later. It was so embarrassing having to explain to my family that he hadn’t turned up. We did enjoy the dinner and I hid my emotions while they were here but have been so upset and mortified ever since.

AIBU to be disgusted in his behaviour? He was making out I was blowing everything out of proportion and he has every right to turn up hours late!

However shitty the situation at least you know exactly how things stand and can plan your life to best suit you and your DC. Months, or even years, of uncertainty are much worse to deal with.

You can't. What an assumption to make and it shows you have no understanding how visa actually work.

Has he been trying to get in touch? Or is he completely ghosting the baby too?

I can't understand those who read the thread and shout about CMS, at all?
The kind of money this loser might condescend to pay really isn't worth anything. Certainly not worth tying your child and yourself, for life, to such a vile person. What good could possibly come out of it?
Did he want a relationship with DC for a visa or something like that@Maisiexo ?

I agree, @Kornvallmo

Because it would presumably mean putting him on the BC and opening up access. Just not worth it unless he can pay a life enhancing amount.

If this is a real post I don't get why you are even asking whether you should put up with this total sh**t. OBVIOUSLY it's not ok to be late without a REALLY good excuse (run over in the street, heart attack etc. ) Block and ignore.

The former family home be transferred into the sole name of our client.
Upon the transfer above you are to receive a lump sum of £x in full and final settlement of all or any claim you may have against x.
You will vacate the property on the day you receive the money so as to avoid any breach by our client of the terms of his mortgage and also return all house keys to this office or to our client directly.
The household contents to be divided by agreement or in the absence of agreement an inventory be taken and the white goods wil be divided as equally as possible together with all televisions, furniture and any other household goods.

Hi all, received this from ex’s solicitor. It is completely unacceptable and unrealistic and unreasonable for me to receive a lump sum and move out of the family home on the same day with a child and 2 dogs to rehome. Can anyone offer any solid advice or know of a bloody good solicitor I can use to fight my case? TIA

Who cares.

He's an absolute arse and you are lucky to be rid of him. Yes you have to co-parent which is crap and personally I'd be limiting contact as much as possible by automating things, having standard days and times you message him etc.

You need to start your own thread in Legal. You'll get a better response there.

Where is he from. OP? That was very considerate of you to make dishes from his country...

Oh god OP, I had one of these. The reason he kept fucking off to his own country was to see his fiance (later wife) whom he conveniently forgot to ever mention to me. You're well rid of him. I wouldn't even bother chasing him for CMS unless it's to the tune of several hundred £s a month.

You had a baby with a really disrespectful and seemingly emotionally stunted and immature person. I think if I were you, I’d be working on myself and my child, in order to understand why this happened in the first place, and how to live a healthier life for you and your baby, going forwards. Thinking about whether you’re being unreasonable to be upset by his ridiculous behaviour, is futile and I think you need understand that your energies are displaced and learn how to move forwards, in a more healthy way.

Hope you enjoyed your meal - you’re too good for that waster - straight in the bin for him, easy !

I think he wanted to keep it hanging over you if the dinner wasnt organized... something to hold over you. But i think you called his bluff and he was wtf wasnt expecting that and went back on it. He doesn't want commitment but is pretending he does so he can use it against you if you dont do what he wants. He's a manipulator. Also he says its disrespectful if your parents leave early? Its more disrespectful of him to be late, when its avoidable. Glad you threw him back, he sounds very very manipulative

My gosh, what a horrid situation OP
What have your family said on the matter?

Omg.

that is disgusting. He wanted to go to the gym… the gym… not like ‘sorry, giant car crash, I’m dying’ after bullying you into meeting family.

make sure you’re documenting everything. Every time he’s late for baby, everything, just everything. This isn’t a person you want in your life. You can get a different pickup location.

as others have said, get everything formalized.

Appalling behaviour. Never speak to him again. You have every right to be absolutely livid. I’m so sorry he put you in that position.

Please do not see this man ever again. This is the biggest red flag I've ever seen. You need to dump, block and forget. He showed you who he is and you would be a fool if you took him back and wouldn't deserve any sympathy for the nonsense he will definitely do to you in future.

The messages are messing up and I'm unable to view some of the updates. You have a baby with this man and your family has never met the father? This is so messy.

Found the update. You know he's a dick and you know what you need to do so stop sitting on the fence. For goodness sake there's a little child involved here. He needs to go. You can refuse to let him see your child and all he can do is go to court. He only came along after the birth. He's an arsehole and you shouldn't have been near him in the first place. Do the right thing for your child and get rid of him.

He's out of your life. Agree over access and that's it. Don't understand why you are going over the past.

what makes it even worse (sorry to drip feed) is we have a baby together!

I think this is far and away the most dizzying drip feed I've seen on MN. My head's spinning from the vertigo.

Bloody hell, wasn't there a well known dictator who followed this sort of thinking... oh yeah, Hitler.

High IQ doesn't necessarily equal brilliant parenting skills.

No practical advice but you sound lovely - please don’t let this low life back into your life, you will do a great job with your DC

What country is he from out of interest?