MORTIFIED, he didn’t turn up to meet the family!

[Maisiexo]

Absolutely mortified! Boyfriend (well ex now) has been pestering to meet my family for ages now. I finally organised a meal which included myself and boyfriend, DF and his partner, DGPs and DB for yesterday at mine. Boyfriend seemed very happy to be meeting them. It’s been difficult finding a weekend where they were all free as DS works shifts and DF works away.
It was planned for 3pm. I spent all of the previous night and yesterday preparing a 3 course meal from scratch. Boyfriend isn’t from here so included dishes from his country too.

I messaged in the morning to confirm 3pm would still be good for him. He said yes and I got everything ready.

At 2:15pm I get a message off him saying he will come after 4pm instead as he wants to go to the gym “in a bit”and shopping beforehand! No apology for being late. I explained that the food was already in the oven and I didn’t know if my family would be able to stay that long as they had other arrangements for later on in the day. He then tried to turn it around on me saying that my family obviously weren’t that interested in meeting him if they couldn’t be bothered to wait an extra hour and a bit to meet him. 😦

I told him I found it very rude that he was trying to turn this back on me and has dropped me in it with my family. He then blocked me and never turned up. He rang off a no caller ID a couple of hours later but I didn’t answer

By the time he blocked me it was almost 3 and my family arrived a few minutes later. It was so embarrassing having to explain to my family that he hadn’t turned up. We did enjoy the dinner and I hid my emotions while they were here but have been so upset and mortified ever since.

AIBU to be disgusted in his behaviour? He was making out I was blowing everything out of proportion and he has every right to turn up hours late!

Yes, i agree @frasers. It sounds to me like he's treating OP as a FWB (like come on, this is the mother of your child!)

He's happy enough to come around, but he's not interested in anything serious. Made up a crappy excuse, knew OP would be upset, and had no qualms about blocking.

Even the no caller ID nonsense is so immature and teenage (and you blocked her!)

Is he on your baby's birth certificate @Maisiexo ?

Thanks all for your replies and advice. 😊@deeahgwitch He isn’t on the birth certificate and dc has my surname.
Regarding some previous replies, I’ve never asked him to meet my family. He has been asking for the past few months ( he went on holiday back home for a month recently and before that DF was working away hence it’s taken so long to arrange). Even the weekend before last he asked when I was arranging the meal as it was important for him to meet them, hence I arranged it for Saturday. I think you’re definitely correct that he’s had no intentions or desire of actually meeting them otherwise he would have turned up.
Haven't heard anything and still blocked. Feeling a lot better today though. Thanks again and hope you all have a great day 😊

So many red flags op. Stay strong.

I'm glad he is not on the birth certificate as it means it will be easier for you not to have his input in your child's life.
I do hope you are financially ok.
What a horrible thing he did, leading you on re meeting your family and then letting you down.

I'm sorry to say this, but imagine having a child with this immature, thoughtless manchild..

What’s the point of this, they have a child.

Op** you're doing fabulous.
The thought of cooking a 3 course meal for several people and looking after a baby I'm so impressed (I've got a toddler and can barely throw a sandwich together).

In some ways I hope he doesn't contact you again, you'll have your lovely DS and can move on when you do meet a fab guy (they are out there).

I can see why you didn't mention the baby in the opening post, everyone would be replying about that instead.

Yes you had a baby with a fool (that's not a very exclusive club) so what, onwards and upwards

He's not a nice person. Hell he's not even an average person with basic morals.

Life is too precious to spend in the presence of these sub par people.

They're icky amd they taint all the goodness and joy they come accross. Keep him far away from you as much as possible.

Bless you! Stop apologising... most of us have done "silly" things for love and especially with a baby involved!
He sounds like a horror. Get your application in to CMS I hope even though he wasn't paying this...he contributed.
Babies aren't cheap!
I split with my child's father when she was 3 months old... we agreed she wouldn't stay overnight initially. Maybe he'd be open to that? You definitely don't want to be facilitating his time with DC at your house... when he has DC that a bit of time for you!! And as time goes on ... Trust me you both need and want it!!
Keep your chin up! I've built a much happier life for me and my child... I'm civil with her dad... he has his time with her away from My house and it works now, but it is very difficult to start off with.
Be kind to yourself! Set boundaries. In time you'll of wished you had done it sooner.

Best of luck with it all. Keep smashing it muma and take care of yourself too x

What a horrible, self-obsessed arrogant obnoxious shit he is.

If I was you I'd drop him immediately, block him on anything and everything and find someone who has a working brain!

He's really not worth bothering with.

typical narcissistic behaviour. Gaslighting. ⛳⛳⛳⛳⛳⛳⛳ redflags. do not entertain him ever again. He doesnt deserve you!! you deserve better!

You have done the right thing. He doesn't deserve to be in your life but does have the right to an opportunity to have a relationship with his child. However on you terms not his. Tell him you will go through the courts so he can have supervised access until such time as child is old enough to have overnight stays etc and them the court will expect him to pay for yhe child , have a suitable place for the child to come to visit him etc etc, then you are being reasonable and if he won't go to court or pay for his child you and the child are better off without him

You are doing all the right things OP, best of luck to you x

Absolutely rude on his part. Better getting rid now.

On a totally different note - 3pm is a really weird time for a 3 course meal 🤔

Am I the only person who doesn’t understand how the OP knew it was him calling from a no caller ID if she didn’t answer ? Or am I being a bit too Marple here ?

I firmly believe that before people are allowed to have kids they should take an IQ and competency test. There would be a lot less threads like this on Mumsnet.

Utterly mind-blowing.

How do you know either of them have low IQ?

Fewer.

I hope you don't have kids yourself 🤷🏼‍♀️

Have you put your CMS application in?

This ^^ 😂😂😂

Good luck with the CMS claim OP, though if he goes back to his home country I guess he might be out of reach.

Where is he from?

Keep him blocked. He’s sounds like a total arse.

Let him fight for access, at which point you apply for maintenance. But I suspect he just won’t bother. It sounds like you have lots of great family members to help you. 🌻

He was one cheeky F. He will try to not pay child support, he will put himself first instead of the child. Start maintenance. Make him fight for access (if he can be arsed to put your kids needs before his own gym sessions).
Make sure that you are there for your child, if he gains access, then record it, if he fails to turn up, then don't give him second chances. Your kid doesn't need someone like that in their life frankly.
Alternatively he may be a wonderful doting dad but you'll only kow that if he fights for access, gives child maintenance and more money.

I think it’s the op who is blocked.