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Original poster

DH message. For me?

621 replies

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:53

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

OP posts:
5128gap · 07/08/2024 07:39

I think however many imaginative things MNetters can come up with to allow you to believe a duck is actually a pork pie, you suspect your H already with an OW. He is phone guarding and your marriage is fragile. He has checked into a hotel many hours before necessary. The OW is missing from her event. He has messaged to say the room he is in. If that's not sufficient for you to know he is cheating, then I think you're wasting your time trying to gather more 'proof'. Even if she's in his room, he could come up with a story if you don't actually catch them in the act. Which you won't unless the door is open. Rather than worry about gathering a water tight case which is not necessary, I'd be coming to terms with what is happening and making plans. If when he's home and you confront him he is able to prove you wrong then you can rethink.

HideousKinky · 07/08/2024 07:39

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 03:49

It's too late for me to get to the hotel. I can get up early and see if she's home in the morning.
Fucking hell.

Have you done this OP?

BeavisMcTavish · 07/08/2024 07:43

Interesting one.. aside from your other suspicions, I sometimes, but not always send my wife my room number. Signal might be bad, she might need me, the place might burn down whilst I sleep, it’s usually a photo of the number so if I’m out on the town it’s a reference point for myself.

no specific reason, but it’s not a weird thing to do and 100% does NOT mean a other woman/ man.

diddl · 07/08/2024 07:45

A girl came into town 3 months or so ago. She was over familiar with him. They played games together and everytime I moved she went to sit very close to him. They huddled together in deep conversation excluding everyone else. It was not a nice feeling.

And he's fine with that.

Honestly he sounds horrible & not worth staying with whether he is meeting her at the hotel or not.

Treesnbirds · 07/08/2024 07:46

He's given you enough red flags. So much of what you say is completely unacceptable behaviour. Do you feel valued with him? Do you trust him? I suspect both are no. I've been in a similar situation and it's shit.

I would say get out fast and probably you'll look back on this time thinking "thank goodness I got out of that!!"

Sending ♥️ to you.

tuvamoodyson · 07/08/2024 07:47

Sweetteaplease · 07/08/2024 04:37

Maybe he told you his room incase you wanted to call him? But yeah, maybe a bit weird!

But surely she’d just call his mobile
phone! People haven’t asked to be put through to hotel rooms, particularly anyone who’d have your phone number for decades!

Sweetteaplease · 07/08/2024 07:52

tuvamoodyson · 07/08/2024 07:47

But surely she’d just call his mobile
phone! People haven’t asked to be put through to hotel rooms, particularly anyone who’d have your phone number for decades!

Show quote history

Agree, I was trying to think of a reason!

tuvamoodyson · 07/08/2024 07:54

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 07/08/2024 06:17

It sounds dodgy OP but I think you need to tread carefully here. DH always sends me his room number like that so he is available in case of emergency, that's our system. If he did msg innocently and returns home to a wife who is angry, upset, accusing him of something he didn't do, that will cause a rift in itself and you won't come out of it well. Phone him first thing and ask about why he sent it and tell him your concerns, it might be easily explained and set your mind at ease. Or he might tell a massive lie but only you can gauge that, if you feel he is lying then you need to investigate further.

And yet he has never done that before.

Refugenewbie · 07/08/2024 08:06

It doesn't sound like you're happy with him..

wombat15 · 07/08/2024 08:06

I would give my room number so DH could reach me via switchboard or leave a message. Perhaps depends on your age though. (If you stayed in hotels before phones existed it is more habit)

SpecialPerson · 07/08/2024 08:08

Looking at it from a different angle, despite all what you have said it does sound very suspicious.

But... maybe there is no phone signal or the phone reception is bad so he gave you the room number, if you had to get hold of him (ring the hotel).

Zonder · 07/08/2024 08:09

Sorry OP, it doesn't look good.

Is he away with work this week? On his own?

Mirabai · 07/08/2024 08:13

BeavisMcTavish · 07/08/2024 07:43

Interesting one.. aside from your other suspicions, I sometimes, but not always send my wife my room number. Signal might be bad, she might need me, the place might burn down whilst I sleep, it’s usually a photo of the number so if I’m out on the town it’s a reference point for myself.

no specific reason, but it’s not a weird thing to do and 100% does NOT mean a other woman/ man.

I agree. I do this. If you need to contact in an emergency and their phone is off etc.

Izzynohopanda · 07/08/2024 08:15

My dp goes away alot. He has never once told me his room number. Sorry, dodgy, and is it a genuine work trip…?

Horses7 · 07/08/2024 08:16

If it’s not too late ring him at room 38 say you know OW is there as you’ve had him followed as you’ve had suspicions for a while - I know this may be extreme and not good if you want to get stuff sorted before he knows that you know. It’s what I would do because I’d have to know ( I’d even ask to speak to her!!) but it may put you at a disadvantage if you want to get all your stuff in place and seek legal advice.
I’m so sorry you don’t deserve this.

Gowlett · 07/08/2024 08:17

He worth’s have been better off saying “oh, Nigel from Accounts is popping other to go through some figures” than say he was actually sending you the room number. That’s just not credible… Of course, he’d be meeting Nigel at the bar, surely? So, that’s not believable either… Ir’s suspicious.

TheLastTimeEver · 07/08/2024 08:18

BeavisMcTavish · 07/08/2024 07:43

Interesting one.. aside from your other suspicions, I sometimes, but not always send my wife my room number. Signal might be bad, she might need me, the place might burn down whilst I sleep, it’s usually a photo of the number so if I’m out on the town it’s a reference point for myself.

no specific reason, but it’s not a weird thing to do and 100% does NOT mean a other woman/ man.

Really? That’s interesting.

I came to say that no one in the history of the world has ever told their room number to someone who is not in the actual hotel with them. But I stand corrected.

I this case though it would include some other words like “in case you need to reach me”.

That message was sent to someone he was in mid conversation with or who was expecting to receive that information in order to go straight up to the room.

Highly unlikely food delivery. All Comms are in an app and they meet you at reception.

autism07 · 07/08/2024 08:20

As soon as I had received that message my reply would have been on way.

TalkingTomCat · 07/08/2024 08:20

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 07/08/2024 04:07

Call the hotel and ask to be out through to room 38 just see if she answers the phone

I'd do this. Then even if he answers you can talk to him. Ask to face time or whatever.

teenboymom · 07/08/2024 08:23

Not sure what time it is there but is there no way you can drive to hotel, if a friend rang me in the middle of night to mind kids as she suspected husband, I'd be straight over

Jinglesomeoftheway · 07/08/2024 08:24

@lopdedop

This might sound loopy, but Id take a shot at calling the hotel, speaking to reception and asking them how many people checked into the room! They might tell you they can't tell you but someone nice might take pity and be honest with you, worth a shot I reckon!

Beth216 · 07/08/2024 08:28

BeavisMcTavish · 07/08/2024 07:43

Interesting one.. aside from your other suspicions, I sometimes, but not always send my wife my room number. Signal might be bad, she might need me, the place might burn down whilst I sleep, it’s usually a photo of the number so if I’m out on the town it’s a reference point for myself.

no specific reason, but it’s not a weird thing to do and 100% does NOT mean a other woman/ man.

Yes but he's never done it before and is only there for one night. Plus the whole back story of the marriage being rocky and there being another women who he said he might as well go for it with, not to mention the disappearing for four days.

longestlurkerever · 07/08/2024 08:28

I was about to say it was probably a message meant for one of his colleagues so they could knock for him before going for lunch/a work meeting or whatever, tather than to have a weird daytine affair at an airport hotel, but his reply that it was for hou after all is weird. Sorry you have this worry OP. Did he give a reason for leaving so early?

BloodyAdultDC · 07/08/2024 08:30

My dp travels with work. A lot. He must have stayed in hundreds of different hotel rooms, and not one single time have I ever known his room number. Never.

Sorry you're going through this OP.

redskydarknight · 07/08/2024 08:31

I personally wouldn't read much into him just sending a room number (it's the sort of random thing my DH might do even if he doesn't do it normally). All the hotels I've stayed in recently you've needed a key card to get beyond reception, so if it is an escort/OW then just knowing the room number wouldn't help them.

However, it's clear that you don't trust him and your marriage is not in a good place either. Personally I'd stop obsessing about this (if DH can irrefutably prove he just thought he'd send you his room number and absolutely did not intend to send it to anyone else, would this make you feel much different - suspect not?) and decide whether you want to stay together. Your messages suggest not.